hi my name is Dr. Daniel Fox licensed psychologist in the State of Texas and expert
in the area of personality disorders and today we're going to talk about BPD in the curse of
loneliness and loneliness is a hard thing for many people to deal with particularly those
with borderline personality disorder borderline personality disorder traits now in this video
we're gonna look at loneliness its its impact and how to manage it I've created a worksheet
that can help you not only identify loneliness but also help you identify those individuals
that you can connect you to challenge those feelings of loneliness so I'll put the link
for the worksheet or B in the comment section there you can just click it and check it out
and I hope you find it useful if you enjoy this video check out some of my other ones or
subscribe that would be super great alright let's get into the curse of loneliness the
interesting thing about loneliness is that it's actually on the rise but right now we are more
connected than we ever have before loneliness is lack of connection and social relationships
and this includes in person or even online and loneliness is not actually due to being alone
but it's being without a sense of being needed or wanted in relationships it's it's a loss of
feeling connected and that that's sort of what that loneliness is that a lot of people tend to
experience now loneliness has been found to lead to a lot of different psychiatric disorders and
illnesses such as depression alcohol abuse child abuse sleep problems personality disorders and
even Alzheimer's disease now individuals with BPD they're more likely to experience periods
of loneliness and many individuals with BPD have an intolerance for being alone and may
reach a level of desperation where they will do almost anything to get rid of those feelings
of loneliness and this can include getting into unhealthy relationships using drugs or alcohol or
forgoing personal values to have someone anyone in your life you know you can counter and challenge
these feelings of loneliness you can master that curse of loneliness you you can you can cast out
will use some more cursing kind of things you can cast out that that sense of loneliness as
well and now it may be a core content issue for a lot of folks which is that so if you haven't seen
my other videos about core content and surface structure stuff that core content of loneliness
is it drives these maladaptive behaviors these maladaptive behaviors are they can be self harm
from askew 'ti drugs alcohol things like that but they're rooted in this sense of loneliness
that lack of connection to other now the worksheet that I've created for this video you will identify
instances that remind you of when when you felt lonely and alone at various ages for example five
to ten eleven to fifteen and sixteen to seventeen now I chose adolescence because many foundational
experiences such as loneliness our first cemented at these ages now some folks it can certainly
happen later right everybody doesn't have the same experience now you can add information in any box
for any age that you like whatever helps you is what's important in the final box I want you to
list what makes you feel connected to others alright and now and with who so you're going
to identify that individual and what makes you feel connected so this is really important for
example do you feel connected to family or friends what makes you feel that way what makes you feel
connected to them perhaps they ask you how you're doing perhaps they are interested in how your day
was they want to genuinely spend time with you etc so what is it that makes you feel connected
so now some people don't have anyone that they feel connected to in cases like this I want you
to try and establish social connections to others this is a start is don't feed into that loneliness
I want you to try to go out and make connections to others appropriate healthy others easy to say
hard to do I certainly understand that but it's important to have that to have those connections
to sort of push back that sense of loneliness and contain it so it doesn't overpower you so
you're not spending every evening feeling alone and disconnected to others it's building this
sense of connection and social connections to others and I do understand that those along the
border line spectrum have issues with this because it's hard to trust others and it's
hard to have a sense of connection because what if it gets pulled away if it gets pulled away
doesn't that validate your sense of loneliness well it actually doesn't you're going to have
periods of loneliness we all do but it's trying to manage those times and periods to make them
as manageable and as short-lived as possible and I think that it's important to have healthy
others who are concerned about you who want to make sure that you're doing okay so that you can
combat this feeling of loneliness you know some people are like well what about social networks
social networks that helps me feel connected with social networks what actually happens and
I've done a video on social media and and and issues associated with social media I'll put
that link here and you can check that out if you want but what social media does in social
networks is they give you this dopamine shot but that dopamine shot is not a shot of connection
it's it's just a neurological click that goes off in your brain it's like oh that's exciting
okay well I have this and I have this like in this this heart or this feedback or whatever it
is but the physical presence of someone and having that that face-to-face connection is
so important and there's a lot of research that supports that that combating loneliness is about
getting out there making connections to others and building that social networking connection in
person I understand that there is fear associated with that but it's important to try to do that
don't let that loneliness overpower you and a lot of people do feel alone and understand
that particularly those along the BPD spectrum but it's important to combat that use adaptive
strategies to overcome it and it is possible to do that and I really hope that you find
this video helpful I hope you find the worksheet helpful please leave feedback and let me know what
you think and thank you very much for your time and attention I appreciate it take care bye bye