I always escape through relating to music, and there are hateful songs, there are lovely
songs but I couldn't really relate to any of those.
And I really needed something where it's like...
I have so much respect and I truly love you.
I have love for you.
I just hate you so much, you.
I don't like you, but I love you.
I would take a bullet for you, obviously, but just don't talk to me.
So, I walked in, I was in an angsty mood.
I normally like to just play music and just riff off, almost like a jam sesh.
Like a freestyle rap, like you'll take a line and then someone else takes a line, and you're
like, "Oh," they'll take a line.
It's kind of the same thing except, pop.
It's so frustrating when you're in a confrontational, toxic relationship with someone.
After so many times of the tension building up then screaming, then crying, saying it's
never going to happen again, tension building up, then you scream, then you cry, say it'll
never happen again.
After awhile, Once you get to the tension building up, screaming part, you're just like,
"I already know what's going to happen next.
We're going to cry.
We're going to say it's never going to happen again.
It's going to happen again."
It's exhausting. I'm over it.
It's like the same thing in the process of the screaming to the emotions part, I can
feel, physically, that transition.
My hands will go tingly, and I can feel my face getting hot.
I can feel the blood rushing to my face, and when I look down, I can almost feel the pressure
under the skin around my eyes.
I get really puffy eyes when I get emotional.
The insecurities from both parties in a toxic relationship affects it greatly and can intensify
the whole toxicity of it.
I feel like this is because it's that same underlining tension that lingers through every
situation, every room you guys are in, and I feel like those insecurities feed into that
so much, because it's those little things you pick up.
Like, on Tuesday, you didn't look at me when I was talking to you, and that's an insecurity.
That comes from the other person because I was probably not even thinking about it, and
that will just add to that build up until it explodes again.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to thrive.
I don't despise you.
I don't hate you.
It's just like, go away.
I can't even talk to you because every time
we talk, we can't talk about anything.
It's like, "Hi, how are you?"
And then, five minutes later, all of a sudden I'm crying, you're crying, and I'm thinking
in my mind like, "How did this even escalate this quickly?"
And all of a sudden we're talking about how, "You didn't look at me two weeks ago when
I was telling you my story about what I saw on the news channel!"
And it's like, "Well, you didn't blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
It's like, "How did this even...
We were just talking about lunch."
I'm thinking in my mind, like getting aware of the situation, I don't even know how, why...
Whatever.
Like, why is this happening?
The whole tug of war thing.
That was actually really a frustrating line to write because I really wanted to say that
because I really love the image that it put in my mind of you get a little comeback, and
then you get a little comeback, and then you get a little comeback, and it never ends if
you both have the same strength.
I tend to, if I'm in a toxic relationship with someone, they tend to be a lot, a lot
like me.
If I'm right, I'm right.
You know what I mean?
That's the statement.
That is the statement.
That is the fact.
I'm right, so you can't tell me anything otherwise.
So, if I meet someone just like that, it's almost like a tug of war because you have
the same strength.
It was really frustrating though because it's like tug of war of words, so we needed to
figure out how to make it sound normal singing it.
Like, I will not back down.
Even if the argument is over, I'm going to walk away knowing that I was right, and I
feel like if someone else is like that, it's just...
I don't know.
I don't have the words for it.
It's endless.
It's just like we both will refuse to lose, so what's going to happen?