Aged Angus Banger with cheese
and a crispy McDalmond chicken wrap.
Fries in the hole. Order on five.
Give me more Giggle Meals.
What the hell do you mean
they want apple slices in the Giggle Meals?
Corporate wants to offer a healthy option.
A healthy option? Yes, a healthy option.
Well, silly me, I thought we stood for something around here.
No, beef dunk sales, down.
Giggle Meal sales, down.
Fries, Coke, Sprite...
Let me guess, down?
Look, I don't like it any more than you do.
But let's play by their rules this time
till we get the ball back.
Jasmine dropped a burger patty under the soft-serve machine.
Well, fish it out and reheat it.
What is this, half-past amateur hour?
Wrong side of the bed this morning, JJ?
I sleep on a Futon.
I've been using the same Brita for three years.
My roommate is a bassist.
You tell corporate I'm not putting apple slices on my menu.
What's next, no more chicken beaks in the Everything?
Now you wanna tell me why you been acting so strange?
This is my first day back, and I'm nervous around you.
You look good, JJ.
Look, I wrote to you.
The letters came back, where have you been?
I worked my way up to being a GM of a Sbarro in Tel Aviv.
Then one day, I'm stuffing couscous into a calzone
and I realized a woman's life is worth nothing
unless she's making a great man greater.
Let's get one thing straight--
No, let's get two things straight.
You and me make a good team and you know it.
And if just for one second you could drop this whole
damaged goods routine, we could make this work.
Now I'm not asking that you (bleep) bang me
in the back of my Tercel like it's 1997.
I'm just asking for a chance to make a difference.
That's three things.
That's what you said in my Tercel.
Guys?
You better take a look at this.
♪
We got a school bus out there.
It's the short kind.
I need Dora the Explorer figurines ready yesterday.
Throw two in some of the bags, they'll think it's Christmas.
McCaskell, defrost the Aged Angus Bangers.
No, hold on McCaskell, you won't need to do that.
They're just gonna want Giggle Meals and apple slices.
Don't tell me what they want.
There's a Dominican flag on that dashboard.
This is Angus Bangers
and family-size curlies all the way home.
I know this order, we do this my way,
you understand?
We lost picture. Well, pull it up.
Fix the Goddamn feed.
Here comes the order.
We're gonna have to fly blind on this one.
Ugh!
Jesus, JJ.
(man)
or whatever's cheapest.
I've got $30.
Do you want fries or apple slices?
Whatever's fastest.
I'm sorry.
(beeps)
Yes, JJ, apple slices.
That's the post-9/11 world we live in now.
Unless you change the dialogue.
If anyone can do it, you can.
Or doesn't that JJ work here any more?
♪
Good afternoon, sir, I'm the manager here.
One of the managers.
I'm afraid we're not gonna be able to give apple slices today.
Yeah, whatever, no one cares.
You know, there was a time in this country
when apples were for feeding horses.
When McDalmond's was more than just a parking lot
where people met to buy Ritalin.
People weren't obese.
They were just fat.
And if you wanted an apple,
you'd have to eat a pie.
That's why I'm not gonna give you what you ordered.
No, today, I'm gonna give you 3800 calories
of the greatest Goddamn country in the world.
(static on intercom)
Pull ahead.
JJ?
Someone emptied their but in the women's bathroom.
Hand me my mop.
(JJ) Ugh, there is a lot of (bleep) in here.