In islam god is is not a father god is the ultimate judge and he sits apart from us judging
absolutely every single thing that we do Hediya's parents immigrated from Iran to the u.s in search
of the American dream they found it Hedyia grew up among the wealth and opulence of beverly hills
but she says it wasn't enough it never was fulfilling i actually felt really guilty about
having what the world would describe as just about everything and yet being sad and i always wondered
what was that space in my heart that made me feel empty while in college at UCLA she hoped
religion would fill the void her dad pushed her to islam and her boyfriend took her to a local mosque
it was somewhat of an extreme mosque and they had all these principles about politics and
what it would be like to turn America into a muslim nation and and very very anti-semitic
and i thought to myself oh this is terrible i don't want anything to do with this if this is
religion i want nothing to do with it repulsed by muslim extremism and still wanting to know god she
joined a different branch of islam called sufism a mystical practice in islam which is all about love
and harmony and finding a personal relationship with god and i thought okay this is perfect
this is where i could find peace and where i can find that relationship with god after law school
hedya began writing reports on muslim extremism her work led her to the FBI and a career working
with government agencies combating terrorism it was a natural fit for me to be in islam and in
these communities and studying them and working against extremism at the same time i really felt
that i was contributing to my country and and my faith she got married and had a daughter for years
hadiya maintained a strict adherence to islamic law it was this never-ending attempt to control
your fleshly desires your behavior in an effort to draw closer to god you're always afraid
of what he's going to do to judge you and it's not about love at all you were constantly praying to
a god that didn't answer you eventually she became frustrated that despite her efforts
islam gave her no assurance of salvation what they were telling me is the most important goal i had
in my life i didn't know if i was ever going to achieve and that weighed on me
extremely heavy and as i grew older and as my daughter grew older this heaviness was intolerable
then one day after 22 years in islam
hedya took off her head covering her imams set her eternal destination was now certain they told me i
was going to hang from my hair for an eternity in hellfire because i took my head cover off
so despite the uncertainty of not being promised salvation because i had done this one thing to
decrease my external religiosity they said i was going to spend an eternity in hell fire
and that was unacceptable and i left islam it was devastating it was it was devastating i felt
that i had no bearings underneath me i felt really really lost hedia longed to have god in her life
while online she watched a video of a christian pastor who spoke about having a relationship with
god through Jesus she was moved and confused soon after she prayed a desperate prayer i was
on my knees i was in ritual prayer form of islam down with my head on the ground and just crying
and saying can you please reveal yourself to me because i am so utterly confused on who you are
and it was in one of those prayers in my bedroom that i audibly heard the voice of Christ
and he said hedia it's me and it was i it was extraordinary to this day
i could tell you as if it happened yesterday i knew from that moment on i would never be the same
she continued watching the pastor online and started reading the bible the bible came alive
as as the quran never did i could hear god speak to me and i knew he was speaking directly to me
because he was using the quran as an example of why the quran was not correct and why his word
in the bible was true i got to a point where i was like i have to accept that Jesus is lord i have to
accept that he has saved me and i was praying one day and i just felt the lord say to me
daughter you don't have to be afraid anymore hadiya was soon baptized at the church she
had watched online she says she now has a relationship with god she never thought
and i catch myself all the time when i'm when i'm struggling where he's like daughter just walk with
me and it's just his way of telling me don't be afraid i have plans to prosper you and not to
harm you to give you goodness to give you a life filled with love and with joy and don't be afraid
she shares her journey about receiving the love of god through Jesus in hopes of reaching others
who long to know him he's been with me the whole time i i wonder at times i asked him why i had to
experience certain things but he's used all of my past in order to do it and it wouldn't have
been possible 25 years ago it wouldn't have been possible with that girl in beverly hills to do
what he's calling me to do now and so i am
forever at his feet PLEASE
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