Have you ever wondered how to get back at the narcissist?
Did you even think that's possible?
By the end of this video, you're going to have real tips on exactly how to do just that.
Hi.
I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% Attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free A Step by Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands
of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose and I do the same thing right here with you on this channel and in these
videos.
So before we go any further, make sure you hit that subscribe button, hit that notification
bell, and that way you will be notified every time I upload brand new content that is made
just for you.
What are some of the traits of a narcissist?
It's really important to understand a narcissist if you're going to be able to get back at
them.
So if you haven't seen my video on the seven deadly sins of narcissism, you're definitely
going to want to check that out.
Here's a basic primer on narcissists.
The basic primer is that they have no inner sense of value so they have to suck all of
their value from the external, which we call narcissistic supply.
And on top of that, they have no sense of care, empathy, or feeling for other people.
That's the second layer that people often forget.
Sometimes people think, "Oh, if somebody goes around saying how great they are, they definitely
must be a narcissist."
There's that second added layer of they really literally don't have the ability to care for
other people.
And it's all on a continuum because all of us want to feel seen, heard, and know that
we matter.
We all have that as human beings.
And we all want to tell other people about our accomplishments and share that with people.
And oftentimes it's necessary to share your accomplishments in order for people to understand
that you have value in a work setting or something like that.
But what I'm talking about here is that added layer of, "I don't have any sense of inner
value and I also don't care about other people."
That's how narcissists think.
So when you're dealing with narcissists, you're going to be seeing a person who is constantly
trying to figure out a way to get supply from people.
So supply can come in the form of adulation and compliments and having lots of money and
all of these things.
But supply can also come in the form of controlling people, degrading people, devaluing people,
and treating people poorly because they get supply from trying to make themselves feel
better by putting other people down or trying to get that sense control.
That's also a form of supply.
How do you possibly get back at a narcissist?
First thing that you're going to do is remain calm, cool, and collected.
Just remain as unemotional as possible.
Just imagine that you're watching a two year old have a tantrum on the floor.
That's just going to absolutely drive them crazy and you start to beat them at their
own game because remember, they get narcissistic supply from driving you crazy.
So if you're cutting off that supply, if you're just looking at them and you're saying, "I
can see that you're upset."
Or, "Are you okay?
Perhaps we should have this conversation later when you've calmed down."
And you just smile remain calm.
Now remember you have to do this in a way that's completely not sarcastic at all.
There could be even a twinge of that because a twinge of tone or a twinge of sarcasm, they
will notice it, they will hear it.
Narcissists are like dogs with dog whistles when it comes to tone.
So you got to be really careful to make sure that you're just saying it in a way that's
just the facts, like that old TV show, just the facts ma'am or sir.
So you're just noticing, just observing what they're doing.
So remain calm, cool and unemotional.
Number two is to use phrases that are observant but not reactionary.
And this is kind of related to number one.
But if they say things to you like, "You're just jealous."
Or, "You're a cheater."
Or something like that.
Those are phrases that are deliberately meant to get a rise out of you, deliberately meant
to cause you to be upset because then they're getting that supply.
So you're going to say things like if they accuse you of things, "You're a deadbeat dad,
you're a crappy mom, you are an alcoholic."
Things like that.
The normal reaction for us as human beings is to go, "What?
Are you crazy?
That's you."
And to engage.
And now here you are, you're in the mud with them.
You're down and dirty and getting into it with them and that's what they want.
Now they've won.
So if you want to beat them, you're going to turn around and you're going to say, "I
hear what you're saying.
I don't agree with you, but you are certainly entitled to your opinion," or something like
that because they want you to defend yourself.
So you're not even going to defend yourself.
You're just going to say, "I hear what you say.
I don't agree with you, but you're certainly entitled to your opinion."
Never badmouth them to anybody.
I know it's so hard.
You're going to want to just tell the world how awful these people are.
"They're liars, they're cheaters, they're manipulators, they're intimidating, they're
trying to make me think I'm crazy," and on and on and on and on and on.
And they do that to get narcissistic supply out of you.
And so even if you think that you're just telling one person or somebody that's close
to them, "I think that this person is a narcissist," or whatever, you're actually playing into
their hands.
So what you want to do is actually not talk about them at all like as if they never existed.
The way to really beat them is to make them disappear.
Disappear them from your life and in a way that you're not talking about, it's like they
never even came into your life.
Like you never had a relationship with them at all.
And that's what will really hurt them and really cause you to beat them because you're
no longer giving them any supply whatsoever.
Remember they have these flying monkeys, these minions, these spies that are all around and
you never know where they're going to be or what's going to get back to them and any little
thing that gets back to them makes them think that, "Ooh.
They still care what I think.
Ooh.
They still want to be involved with me in some way."
And so you just resist that urge.
If you really need to vent, if you really need to find a place to go and talk to people,
I do have a private Facebook group, which is called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung.
Go in there and vent to people who are also dealing with narcissists or talk to your therapist
or talk to your parents or other people that aren't going to go back and tell this person
that you were talking about them.
Really resist the urge.
Just don't talk about them at all if possible.
And if you are so over it, give me a so over it! in the comments.
The fourth thing that you can do is quit going above and beyond.
You've done enough for these people.
You've given them not only your mind, body, but also your soul and it's enough already.
It's enough already.
So be done with it.
You've fed the black hole enough.
It's one of those machines that you're just constantly putting in but you never get anything
out.
You're constantly giving, giving, giving.
They're constantly taking, taking, taking.
There's nothing you're ever going to do to change that paradigm.
So just stop.
Just stop right now.
You can't fix them.
Stop giving them love.
Stop giving them care.
Stop giving them attention.
You can't love them back to health.
It's just not possible.
So right now today, today's the day that you stop putting those quarters into that machine
that's not even working as you're not getting anything out of it.
Okay?
And the fifth thing that you can do is to go no contact completely.
I understand this is difficult if you still have this person in your life.
So if you can't go no contact, then you need to have super strict boundaries.
But going no contact is ideal and no contact means, block them on everything.
It means don't talk to them at all.
It means any form of anything is going to give them a little bit more supply.
So it goes back to what I was saying earlier.
You don't talk about them, it's as if you have completely erased them from your life.
You've never met them before.
So that's the only way to finally beat them at their own game.
So if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share, drop me a comment, let me
know that you were here.
And if you haven't already subscribed to my channel, now is a great time to do that.
If you are getting ready to negotiate with the narcissist, make sure to grab my free
Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet.
It's 15 pages.
It's basically an ebook.
It's totally free.
You can either get it at the link below or just go to winmynegotiation.com and it will
be all yours.
And as I mentioned, I do have a private Facebook group called Narcissist Negotiators.
Feel free to join me there as well if you'd like.
I'm so glad you stopped by and I will see you in the next video.
Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.