- [Narrator] Everything worthwhile in life
is won through surmounting
the associated negative experience.
Hey there.
Today we're tackling something really important,
something that isn't talked about
openly that much in spiritual circles,
because it seems to go against the whole
positive vibes forever mentality.
We've been talking about the importance
of balance over here on this channel
for what seems like eons now,
but the thing is it goes both ways.
And just like negative emotions or the ego, it turns out,
you can have too much positivity
that ends up becoming toxic to you and your surroundings,
especially when you put on a smile
and pretend things are all just amazing all the time,
even when maybe things are a bit challenging.
It sounds weird, right?
How can you have too much of a thing
that makes you happy or secure?
Well, without meaning to,
a lot of the well-intentioned blanket statements
that come along with spiritual groups,
like everything happens for a reason,
or it's all a part of the universe's divine love plan,
or the big one, you create your own reality,
are actually rooted in ego traps
that serve to deny the shadow aspect of our reality
and cover them up with a blanket of false positivity.
So altogether now, let's heal some collective trauma,
and talk about the dark side of positive vibes.
(uplifting music)
First off, what exactly is toxic positivity?
Aside from an oxymoron,
that would even make an English major blush,
generally speaking, most psychologists will define it
as an excessive overgeneralization
of a happy optimistic state
across all situations that almost always results
in the denial, minimalization, and invalidation
of the authentic human emotional experience.
This idea was illustrated really well
in that amazing short film called
"In Shadow: A modern odyssey,"
showing how depressed people put on these big smiling masks
to try and appear happy when deep down they are deprived
of essential nourishing love.
We see it a lot on Instagram today,
with so many people putting up
this perpetual vibe that they're so happy
and just living the best life ever all the time.
I think it's safe to say that almost everyone
who's ever been a part of some kind of spiritual circle
has experienced this at some point.
And I think it mostly stems from that belief
of emotional hierarchy,
that certain emotions have arbitrarily assigned value
and are somehow better than other emotions.
In a nutshell, there seems to be this belief
that if you're spiritual, you can only feel love for things
because that emotion vibrates higher.
And if you're feeling angry, jealous,
or upset at someone or something,
you're somehow less spiritual because of it.
At the risk of upsetting some hardcore New Agers,
straight up though, it's just not true.
Look, I'll level with you.
I meditate daily.
I drink Jasmine tea just like Uncle Iroh.
I burn incense and work on my own energy
to embody love and compassion in my daily everyday life.
And even then, I still get frustrated with people
for being ridiculous and inconsiderate in the world.
Just like anything done in excess,
when positivity is used to cover up
or silence our physical experience, it becomes toxic.
And as any good psychologist will tell you,
by ignoring the existence of certain feelings,
we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions,
which over time builds up trauma and gives rise to triggers.
The existence of negative emotions
actually has something there for us,
a hidden message, something for us to learn,
if only we'll pay attention to it.
In the words of the amazing Samara Quintero,
"The truth is, humans are flawed.
We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy.
Sometimes life can flat out suck.
But by pretending that we have positive vibes all day,
we deny the validity of genuine human experience."
One of the darker sides of this whole thing
has kinda become known as spiritual gaslighting,
which is a fancy way of saying regular gaslighting
with sparkly spiritual words and contexts
sprinkled on like some kind of sour sprinkle sundae.
And it's probably one of the biggest ego traps ever,
and problems with modern spiritual circles.
And yet, no one really talks about it very much.
Some of the most common phrases you'll hear going around
is stuff like no bad vibes,
oh, just raise your vibration to manifest,
or just use the law of attraction.
And while these are usually rooted in good intentions,
the problem with all of these is that this mentality
sometimes can shame those who are not feeling that way
or who are unable to do this.
And at a core level, it causes people who are struggling
to blame themselves and think everything is their fault.
Another part of this is the whole student-teacher dynamic.
We all have spiritual mentors in one way or another,
whether they're actual people, books, guides, or ourselves.
Oftentimes I found one of the biggest obstacles
people need to overcome in self-development
is this belief that someone is more sensitive
or has better spiritual experiences than them.
It happens in plant medicine ceremonies too
where someone will have a huge visual experience
and meet entities and see geometry,
while another will have an entirely
internal and visionless experience,
and then feel lesser or upset
because theirs wasn't as trippy.
Everyone comes from the same source,
and we're all here to have the same experience,
but differently.
So why compare your individual experience
with someone else's?
Surely, it's better to have your own unique experience.
Right?
Don't get us wrong.
We can totally understand
that in order to have a better experience of life,
you can shift your perspective
to see more positive characteristics
in the experience you're having.
And this is very valuable to do,
especially if we're rooted or polarized
in a negative aspect of life.
As we've looked at with
"The Seven Hermetic Principles" video,
one of the principles is polarity,
and the hermeticists themselves
explained that you can change your frequency
by polarizing yourself to the energy that you want to be in.
At the same time, people like Bruce Lipton
are making leaps and bounds in epigenetics research,
showing the power that your beliefs and attitudes
can have on your body and biology.
I guess all that we're saying here
is that if someone gets a serious disease or something,
to outright just say,
"Well, everything happens in accordance
with the universe or divine plan,"
or that "You caused it with your negativity,"
can be both dangerous, rude, and toxic,
and facilitate disconnection
in awareness between each other.
Regardless of what factors it was,
even if the person did do it to themselves,
like say smoking or drinking too much,
or something like that,
we can be in far greater service
by helping them come to that realization themselves,
rather than just telling it to them.
To force positive outlook on pain
is to encourage a person
to keep silent about their struggles,
and this just isn't healthy.
At the same time, this is also true
for behaviors or social constructs.
Given the recent protests
and civil rights movements regarding BLM
and systemic racism,
I've noticed a few spiritual influencers
try to use spirituality
as a means to gaslight the protestors.
Blanket statements like,
oh, everything happens for a reason,
and you create your own reality,
can oftentimes be used as an ego trap
by people in higher positions of power
in a process called spiritual bypassing,
which has this mentality of exaggerated detachment,
emotional repression,
and my personal favorite, anger phobia.
It's a weird phenomenon in the New Age groups
that talk about positivity.
They argue that fear is the root of suffering
and yet they themselves often approach anger
or other negative emotions in the same light,
almost as if they're afraid of them.
It's actually very weird to see.
Now, maybe I'm reading too much into this
and stretching for connections,
but the thing is by behaving in this way,
dismissing the experience of aggression
and trying to slap a fake smile or positive stance on it,
and saying that people somehow aren't as
spiritually awakened because they're angry or upset,
we're complicit in oppressing
and end up repressing or denying the pain
and experience of oppressed.
There's no denying that when you look at our society today,
we're in need of a huge consciousness shift.
We live in a world where the current systems
indirectly contribute to mentalities and causes
that destroy people's livelihoods,
contribute to systemic racism, sexism, and oppression,
and leave millions around the world in poverty
and starving every day.
We aren't exempt from action
just because we have a sense of universal love
or think we're not like them.
If anything, we have a responsibility
to help heal the trauma.
See, toxic positivity is a mindset
that's used because people either don't want
or aren't able to face the darker aspects of themselves.
It's a phenomenon that tries to cover up
someone's past trauma and triggers
so they don't have to deal with them,
and is often used when people are afraid
to hold space for emotions or things that feel challenging.
It's like turning away from our pain
or finding ways to dismiss it or numb it out.
Think about it, as emotionally mature as you might be,
most of the time, we don't know how to sit with
and be present with difficulty or tough emotions.
Despite what we might say,
people don't often know what to do
with someone when they're crying.
Rather than turning away from people
who are in a hard space,
which includes ourselves, by the way,
we can bring understanding and compassion
to this challenging stuff.
Where self-growth is concerned,
let's not reinstate harmful beliefs
from shame-based structures of the past.
They didn't work then, and they won't work now.
And so with this, how can we recognize
and effectively heal toxic positivity?
Well, once you understand what it is,
it's fairly easy to spot.
You'll have people spouting off
"just get on with it" style of quotes
about how the universe has a plan,
while at the same time minimizing
other people's experiences.
People might shame or chastise others
for expressing frustration
or anything other than positivity,
or the big one,
rationalizing the cause of their circumstance
as being from other people's spiritual inadequacy,
rather than taking responsibility
for their own trauma and issues.
And in case you were wondering,
yes, all of these traits also apply
when speaking to yourself
and healing your own emotional and spiritual wounds.
One of the best ways to start healing
the toxic positivity mindset
is to shift your awareness into a state
where negative emotions are okay.
Understand that it's healthy
to experience pain and sadness and make room to sit with
and consider those feelings
before dismissing or transmuting them.
And instead of making blanket statements
that are rooted in this kind of mindset,
simply choose your intent and words more carefully,
even more so when dealing with and speaking to yourself.
If you're talking to someone else,
one of the best things you can do for them
is actually learn to listen.
Sometimes people don't want
an instant answer or explanation.
They just want to be heard and received,
allowing space to process what they're going through.
Same thing with you actually.
Instead of telling yourself good vibes only,
ask yourself, what's really going on?
And if this is where you're at,
if you're looking to heal some past experiences
and entering into your heart
to have more heart-centered relationships,
both with yourself and others,
we just released a new course on Spirit Mysteries
in collaboration with the Personal Development School
where the amazing Thais Gibson
will help you to do just that.
So please, from the bottom of my heart,
I encourage you to come and check this out
and experience the change right now.
Until then, stay positive.
Oh, (clears throat) excuse me.
See you soon.
Toodles.
(gentle music)