Hi everyone. I'm Jennifer from English with Jennifer. I don't travel much these days, but I've
been abroad. There were a couple of times when I was embarrassed by the behavior of other Americans
in a foreign country. I remember one time in Moscow there was a group of American tourists
ready to go to the ballet. I wasn't with them, and I was happy not to be associated with them
for two reasons. First, they were loud. They were speaking in English just a bit too loudly. Second,
not all of them were dressed nicely in a way that I thought was appropriate for the
theater. In my mind, attending live theater events is different from going to the movies.
I may go to the movies in jeans and sneakers, but when I go to the ballet or musical,
I dress up. Please don't assume that Americans are rude or that we intend to cause offense. I'd like
to tell you eight things that may make Americans look rude, but our hearts are in the right place.
Americans dress casually, sometimes maybe too casually. I don't think it's classy to go to
the theater in jeans and sneakers, but here in the States no one is going to stop you or say
anything. Personally, I don't go grocery shopping in pajama bottoms and slippers,
but others do. This isn't about trying to shock people with our casual clothing. It's a matter of
feeling comfortable. Americans value comfort and convenience. Americans don't expect a long,
truthful answer to the question, "How are you?" We usually ask,
"How are you?" not because we're genuinely interested, but because it's social etiquette.
The question is part of how we greet each other. It's meant to be a quick exchange of words.
Americans don't usually expect an in-depth answer to "How are you?" or any of its variations:
How are you doing? How's it going? How have you been?
Typical responses to "How are you?" are light, short, and positive:
Good Great. Couldn't be better. Not bad. And then we tag on, "And you?"
Again, we're not going to wait around for a long answer.
At the checkout line in the grocery store, this two-way exchange can be over in three seconds.
With close friends on a bad day, we may skip the white lies and stick closer to the truth.
If a friend asks, "How are you?" I could say, "Uh, could be better. It feels like a Monday."
Also, in a casual setting, we might speak frankly with someone in customer service, but then it's
with humor. If they ask, "How are you?" I could say, "Uh, honestly, I wish I'd stayed in bed."
The cashier, the server, the store assistant may laugh and reply, "Me too." Americans don't always
say "please" when we make requests. We often ask questions and our voice rises so that we sound
less demanding. Can you help me? Would you mind moving over? Could I have a tuna fish sandwich?
We may not consistently use "please" in such requests. To our ears, the question
is already polite. We're not ordering someone to do something, we're asking.
Americans value and protect their personal space. If you step in to speak to an American,
they may take a step back. We may stand closer to friends and family, but in general, we don't get
in each other's space. With Americans, you want to stand just a bit more than an arm's length away
from the person you're speaking to. This goes for sitting too. In a public space, imagine a
long bench. I'm sitting on one end. There's no one else. You can sit on the other end, but not
directly next to me. That's too close. I'll feel uncomfortable and probably get up and leave.
Only in a crowded setting or where few seats are available do we sit close to a stranger.
The other day, T was waiting for my car, and there was one bench designed for two people.
Another woman was already sitting there. Before I sat down,
I asked if it was okay, "Would you mind if I shared the bench with you?"
And also in the age of COVID, I tagged on that I was vaccinated and boosted. She readily agreed.
Among friends, it's acceptable to ask for separate checks at a restaurant or to split the bill.
It may not necessarily be an even split, as in 50 50. Usually I pay for my food
and you pay for yours. In American culture, you can offer to treat a friend to lunch or to dinner
on a special occasion, but even then, your friend may offer to pay the tip.
Asking for separate checks or splitting the bill isn't done because we're cheap or
that we don't want to be generous. It's more about our concept of what's fair.
Americans usually make eye contact when we speak. Even when two people are not equal in status,
maintaining eye contact is considered respectful.
If we're not looking at someone when they speak to us or when we're speaking to them,
we can come across as bored, distracted, nervous, or even dishonest, so don't think
that a direct look in your eyes is a challenge. For Americans, eye contact is a positive thing.
Americans may show up fashionably late to a party. Of course, for appointments like a
job interview or a visit to the doctor, we know that punctuality is important. In those cases,
it's not even a matter of showing up on time. You probably want to get there a little early.
But in some social situations, there really isn't a set time that you have to arrive.
If you're invited to a large dinner party in the U.S., don't show up early. Your host may not be
ready for guests. You can show up five to ten minutes late. That's okay. That's fashionably
late. Don't show up 15 or 20 minutes late or even 30. That can be rude. Your host has planned to
serve dinner by a certain time. Truthfully, not every American shares the same understanding of
"fashionably late," but we generally agree that being early or very late isn't good.
I suggest arriving 5 to 10 minutes past the hour. Others may say up to 15 minutes is okay.
For a smaller party, I wouldn't arrive later than 15 minutes, not without a sincere apology.
So, if you invite an American to dinner, the American might arrive a little after seven.
Please know this is common and acceptable in our culture. Of course, we know if we're
really running behind, we should call or text -- or at least most of us know this.
Americans like to personalize their possessions.
We like to label things, and sometimes it's just practical. For example, at the office, if a lot
of people bring their lunch and keep it in the same refrigerator, I don't want someone to take
my bag or my drink by mistake, so I write my name on things. We label to make it clear that's mine.
I write my children's initials on their water bottles for school for the same reason -- so that
the bottles don't get mixed up. But seeing our name on things can give us pride and pleasure.
I got this mug as a gift many years ago. I like it because it has my name on it and it looks pretty.
Personalized items make us feel special, but I admit Americans can go overboard with this
practice. We have personalized mugs, key chains, backpacks, bathrobes, towels, you name it. Well,
with bathrobes and towels, it's more common to use your monogram rather than your first name. A
monogram is made up of three letters. It uses the first letter of your first, middle, and last name.
Some Americans put a short form of their name, their nickname, on the license plate of their car,
like "JENN1." This is called a vanity plate, which by the way I don't have.
Honestly, though, I don't think that personalizing things is about showing off our possessions. It's
more about the idea of the individual and what's designated for one person's use.
It's about respecting personal space and property. And for the record I
don't have a monogrammed towel. In my house, everyone has a towel of a different color.
Take a quiz. Let's see what you remember. Answer the questions and keep in mind these
are generalizations. There are naturally many individual preferences that are independent
of culture. 1. What might an American wear to the grocery store to feel comfortable?
2. Which is a more typical response to "How are you?"
3. What might be a more common way to order at an American restaurant?
4. How close do most Americans usually stand when having a conversation?
5. How do American friends often pay the bill at a restaurant?
6. How is eye contact generally considered by Americans?
7. What does "fashionably late" mean for an American dinner party?
8. What do Americans tend to personalize by adding their name?
So, do Americans seem strange to you? I hope not or at least I hope you understand that
our actions aren't meant to be rude. Cultural differences make the world an interesting place,
and if we take the time to understand various practices, we can gain a new perspective. That's
a healthy thing, right? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. For my Patreon members,
we can discuss this topic in depth at our monthly one-on-one Zoom call. Please like and
share this video if you found the lesson useful. As always, thanks for watching and happy studies!
I'd like to say a special thank you to Selam, Tim, and Ruslan,
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