Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
A songbook musical is one like Mamma Mia where existing songs are taken
and a narrative forced in around them.
'you have to believe me, I know it sounds fantastic.'
Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster is a stock footage film
‘What does that mean?’
A film whose makers had access to about 30 minutes of grainy unwatchable footage,
and decided to force it into a plot, then cut away to it at random moments.
'scramble all jets!'
It’s a story of two halves; first that of aliens commanded by a broadway choreographer
‘And now maximum energy’
who come to earth in a ship that I can only assume is the Tardis from the number of people they cram into it.
The other half of the story appears to be about NASA budget cuts,
'That was obviously not a missile, but a spaceship.'
the whole organisation seems to be run by two people,
‘I don’t know why we’re doing all this
’their press conferences are pathetic,
'please take you seats and the press conference will begin.'
they can’t even afford a big enough car.
'I am absolutely confident that nothing can go wrong'
They’ve also given up on real astronauts in favour of Frank.
Visually Frank is the least interesting Frankenstein creation ever,
despite having vacuum cleaner hoses for nipples
'Remember he's a robot not a man Karen.'
but all that changes after an encounter with the aliens leaves him looking like this!
you had a good look yet? Ok
This leaves the aliens with no choice
'We must commence phase 2.'
Not Phase 2?! How will earth respond?!
‘Code… twenty… four.’
Not Code 24?!
‘It’s horrible Adam!’
Meanwhile at a call centre
Phase 2 turns out to be the abduction of earth women for breeding purposes,
a pretty standard B Movie trope which makes no sense here for one obvious reason
‘But we have no women’
And apparently no mirrors. Still it paves the way for some not at all gratuitous footage
and some not at all hilarious kidnappings.
And reveals that, in the event of mass kidnapping of women, the men of earth will be useless.
while the women won’t be bothered at all.
Even when assessed by the alien princess
‘Raise your arms,
'now over your head.'
'Turn around’
Now do the Hokey cokey.
'Very good. We have done well.'
Meanwhile in a Francois Truffaut film
That goes on for two minutes.
‘I don’t understand why’
The damaged Frank, after killing a few random locals who looked at him funny
is found by NASA who help him by giving him an ipod to listen to.
Because, if you haven’t figured it out already, he’s the one destined to save the day
and meet the space monster of the title in the big climax.
Interesting to see the alien spaceship has strip lighting, but here’s the fight.
The fight we’ve waited the whole movie for
the fight which…
they don’t actually finish, because frank blows up the ship.
Which, as endings go, is pretty anti-climactic.
Meanwhile in Vietnam...
Stupid bloody film.
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