this is how it's done grandma
i can feel it the power to change
[Music]
the blues they're not just a great way
to sing out all those complicated messed
up feelings you keep down about being
fatherless
they're the second half of this epic but
you know
singing blues would be perfect for this
team they've been through a lot
maybe true unlike the reds they've
suffered numerous casualties and are
constantly plagued by project
freelancers experiments you know how
they were experimenting with a.i
they could only get one an alpha based
on the project's director
[ __ ] went down and they had to hide the
alpha where nobody would ever find it
apparently this box canyon in the middle
of nowhere seemed the perfect fit
this is blue team leonard church
levernius tucker
agent texas sheila who is a living tank
and caboose after losing their original
captain to a
deadly allergy incident church
reluctantly
stepped up to be the blue team's
unofficial leader spoiler alert he's the
secret alpha ai
i don't know what makes him so special
though he's a cranky [ __ ] who's
terrible at literally everything he does
he doesn't even know he's an ai he
thinks he's a ghost
but remember that 50 megaton bomb
church's team all survived it too
including himself while it was inside
his own body
what the hell tucker wants you to think
he's a ladies man
however after careful painstaking
analysis we have determined that he has
very little gain being that his most
frequent hookup
is a rock he's kind of a badass though
he's stabbed the meta
sure you can do cyclops in the balls and
held off a small army of mercenaries by
himself
he even wields a kick-ass energy sword
that only works for him
but for the biggest badass of the bunch
look no further than
agent texas tex is an anomaly
she's not really a blue but a freelancer
assigned to the team through
circumstance
yet she's also not really a freelancer
but a robot duplicate hosting an
artificial intelligence fragment split
from the alpha as a clone of the
director's late wife allison
yeah doug guys how did you not see that
coming from when the show started
unfortunately the text fragment is
specifically based on the memory of
alison's death and the concept
of failure this means that tex is
literally programmed to fail
now this doesn't mean she can't win
fights or that her team can't succeed on
missions
it's more of a personal defect it sure
hasn't stopped her from kicking some
serious ass
tax was number one on the freelancer
leaderboard easily caught this giant
crate
and could even flip over sheila you know
the 66 ton
tank with a mind of its own the perfect
companion for caboose's team killing
sprees
ah really makes me miss my pet tank
boomstick there's no such thing as pet
tanks
watch this idiot i strapped a bazooka to
the back of my pet snapping turtle
come here mr snappy what no no what are
you doing is that thing loaded
no whiz i strapped an unloaded bazooka
to a turtle