[Adum] -Hello everybody. I'm Adam.
[Scoot] -I'm the- Gaël
[Gaël] -I'm Scoot.
[Group] -And we're the
Twilight brothers.
[Adum] -And uh we're watching uh Girl Finds out She's Adopted.
Feature film.
It's gonna take her a whole hour to find out she's adopted and it's gonna be crazy...
[Gaël] -Is the blonde actress the one from the airplane?
Like the-
[Adum] -You're thinking all of them.
[Scoot] -Leslie Nielsen is the one is the blonde from Airplane.
[Adum] -Hold on, she's about to find out she's adopted.
[Scoot] -Oh my god, what are we gonna do for 59 minutes?
[Scoot] -It's gonna change a little bit...
[Adum burst out laughing] That just do this for an hour!
[Scoot] -Oh my god, if the hour took place at this table!
Oh my god!
I like how she gets up she's like, see you later.
[Adum] -Loser...
[Scoot] -Oh my god...
[Adum] -I'm not a loser...
[Gaël] -It dawns on her...
[Adum] -You're just a baby!
[Gaël] -No they- why would they like, come on...
[Scoot] -Well they didn't love her that much...
[Gaël] -His face is like, they did not love her.
[Adum] -Your parents needed some heroin and they were willing to trade a baby.
[Scoot] -Yeah.
[Gaël] -That's what a heroin-
[Adum] -That would be and we had a lot of heroin [Laughter]
[Scoot] -Oh, this was a direct deal there's not even a middleman.😆
[Gaël] -Did you say she wants to meet them and he said you can't do that?
[Scoot] -They're dead.
[Adum] -Heroin.
[Scoot] -Too much heroin.
[Adum] -Yeah, this is a film now
[Gaël] -Wow!
[Adum] -I love his faces so much!
[Scoot] -He's doing some real face acting.
I love the picture she drew, best family.
I'm going to start my own family with blackjack and hookers.
[Scoot] -That'll show them.
-Get out of my room!!
[Gaël] -Listen, how can you say "get out of my room"?
If you've acknowledged that they're not your parents-
[Adum] -Then it's not your room.
[Adum] -Yeah, exactly.
This is some other kid's room.
[Gaël] -This is their real-
[Adum] -Invisible child's room.
[Gaël] -Oh, that'd be even better.
[Scoot] -My bedroom's in that kids house.
[Gaël] -Raising your sister?
This whole time, your family- oh is she going to go on-
[Scoot] -Is she calling herself?
[Adum] -She's going to find out she is missing abducted...
and she'll go to find the missing children website,
she'll be like, that's me.
[Scoot] -Wait is that girl their real daughter?
[Adum] -Yes.
[Clip] -What happened?
[Adum cackling]
I'm not sure about that...
[Adum] -Please unfriend her.
You're gross.
[Scoot] -I can't be friends with an adopto
[Adum] -No.
[Gaël] -See you at school comma tomorrow.
Did you see that subtitle?
[Scoot] -Oh, her name is tomorrow.
[Gaël] -Ah you got me there.
[laughter]
[Gaël] -She's like, really dressed up for bed...
[Scoot] -Don't you dress up for bed?
I get real fancy at nighttime.
I think we should tell Sabrina what we did with her parents...
[Adum] -I think we should tell her that we tricked her and she's not adopted.😆
[Scoot] -I think this prank has gone on long enough.😆
[Adum] -We have a very elaborate plan.
[Scoot] -We're raising her for meat.
[Gaël] -That's uh- wouldn't be the most efficient way to raise me, surely.
[Scoot] -But, one of the funniest.
[Adum] -That's a very dust-free attic.
[Scoot] -Now we introduce the supernatural aspect of the movie.
[Gaël] -Oh, I really hope it goes there.
[Scoot] -A spooky ghost.
[Everyone gasps]
[Scoot] -The ghost of a real parent!
Because, they were murdered in the attic....
[Scoot] -No! You saw that! It was the only thing!
[Adum] -Good batteries.
[Gaël] -I was going to s-
[Scoot] -That's been there for nine years...
Now suck on the battery...
gain its powers...
[Gaël] -Important documents.
[Scoot] -Okay.
[Gaël] -Keep them in the attic and you write important documents on them.
[Scoot] -I always put those in the attic under the plushies.
[Gaël] -Wait, that's the Quran.
I'm not even kidding... wait, it's a fake Quran.
[Scoot] -Is that what's in the Quran?!
[Gaël] -Well, the secret's out...
[Gaël] -Wait, did she draw these when she was like three?
[Scoot] -Oh my god, my parents were just hands.
[Gaël] -Uh, Darius Michael Mulgannon.
[Adum ] -Well, now she's gonna hunt him down...
[Scoot] - ohhhhh Bonny and Clyde.
[Gaël] -Good walk up that...
[Adum] -That kid was walking by so awkwardly.
[Gaël] -"Candy Johnson" [Scoot] -"Candy Johnson"
How did we focus on Darius and miss Candy Johnson??
[Adum] -I'll show you a candy Johnson...
[Scoot] -Cool!
[Gaël] -Oh my gahhhduh...
Of course it's Soubley.
[Scoot] -I'm your dad now.
[Adum] -It's like a movie!
[Gaël] -Los Angeles prison metropolitan detention center...
and she's wearing like a rainbow- this is not a place for a little girl...
[Scoot] -You are asking for it...
[Gaël] -Brownie...
his name is-
[Scoot] -Don't call him- ugh!
[Adum] -What the fuck?
[Gaël] -I thought it was Brownie, I swear!
[Scoot] -Oh boy oh boy....
[Gaël] -He's reading the name-
[Scoot] -You're not supposed to call them that!
[Gaël] -jesus christ...
[Scoot] -God!
[Adum] -Fuck...
[Scoot] -Do you wanna go to jail, little girl? [Adum] -His names different...
[Adum] -Jackson.
[Scoot horrifically surprised]
[Adum] -He's a shape shifter!
[Scoot] -He heard what you called him...
and changed his name!
[Adum] -I'm sad...
weeooo
[Adum] -How do we think this is going to go?
[Scoot] - Cool guy/ scumbag cool guy/ scum bag...
[Gaël] -Scum bag scum bag scum bag.
[Adum] -I think it's gonna be scumbag.
[Scoot] -Yeah.
[Scoot laughs]
[Adum laughs]
[Gaël] -She's got weird priorities...
[Gaël] -What's in such a hurry to get back to his cell for?
[Scoot] -Yeah, he's gonna- you got a busy day planned?
[Gaël laughs] -In jail?
[Scoot] -That we could kiss through the glass?
[Adum] -We put that on there as a joke.
That's not a real birth certificate.
[Adum] -I'll show you some unwanted children...
[Laughter]
[Scoot] -Loki the grossest joke anyone has made.🤣
On one of these commentaries.🤣
[Gaël] -oh nice.
[Adum] -How to find address-
[Obnoxious laughing]
[Scoot] -That was a good one!
[Adum] -Oh my god!🤣
[Scoot] -Oh, it's a good one...
[Adum] -How to google search...
[Gaël] -I'm listening to metal!
[Scoot giggles]
[Adum] -But, I'm not thankful for anything.
[Gaël] -Fuck you, lady.
Like, sorry you're not gonna have any of my food,
but you'll happily take my electricity and the laptop that I've provided for you that is okay-
[Adum] -Did you just call a little girl "lady"?
[Gaël] -Yeah... [Scoot] -Yeah.😆
I don't say this often enough,
but you should kill your daughter.
Are you both having two donuts?
[Gaël] -That is a lot.
[Adum] -I like that she prints things on paper and probably has a smartphone...
[Scoot] -You know how 15 year old's LOVE printing out-
[Adum] -Yeah...
Everybody has a printer right now.
[Scoot] -Yeah.
[Gaël] -But, by the way, I would definitely get like different flavors of doughnut I wouldn't go two of the same-
[Adum] -But, it's the best one!
[Scoot] -You're getting two giant ass doughnuts both the same?
How much do you love that donut?😆
[Gaël] -That's gonna say...
[Adum] -Yeah. I'll make it opposite of mom... mom...
[Scoot bursts out laughing]
[Scoot] -No dude do it no no you gotta go upside down, wow!🤣
[Adum] -You can find the place easier if you have it on your google maps-
[Scoot] -Oh no, you print that shit out; you go to map quest you print out ALL the steps...
[Adum] -The paper print out doesn't tell you where you are...
[Both laughing]
[Gaël] -I would just get an atlas.
[Scoot] -What if he's Bellow?
Now THAT's interesting.
[Gaël] -Oh my lord...
Is that Emma Thompson from Cruella?
[Everyone] -Adopted...
[Gaël] -Yeah your uh driver's license, actually...
[Scoot] -Yeah.
[Adum] -Okaaaaaay...
[Scoot] -Slap her.
[Adum] -Can you teach me how to find address?
[Scoot] -The Oscar for worst movie to pass the Bechdel test is
[Adum] -She reminds me of fucking, new star wars girl.
[Gaël] -Oh yeah, a little bit...
What's her name again?
[Adum] -Shit [Scoot] -Rey.
[Scoot] -Her name- her real name is Rey.
[Adum] -Chaos Walking: Daisy Ridley.
[Scoot] -There you go.
[Gaël] -Guys, there's a plot happening.
[Scoot] -There's a plot happening!
[Scoot and Adum] -Ah!
[Gaël] - Wait, she's adopted by HER parents?
[Gaël] -It goes all the way around.
[Scoot] -I like it...
[Adum] -Do you want to give me some details about why I don't want to find her?
Or are you going to keep it vague?
Like, you have no reason to be keeping this from me right now.
[Scoot whispers] -Secrets...
[Adum] -Ew!
[Adum] -If you're a parent
in this day and age and you don't have some sort of location tracker on your child's phone...
I don't know what to say...
[Scoot] -I would take it a step further, if you're a parent in this day and age
and you don't have some sort of tracker directly on your child implanted under the skin
on the left forearm, then you're a bad parent...
[Adum] -Okay, so I know she's not a cripple.
[Gaël] -Nice...
[Scoot] -Wait for it.
[Gaël] -Look at you deducing stuff-
[Scoot] -Oh, you are some kind of horse detective!
I mean I've got a little bit of coke on me if you want that...
The name's Candy.
[Adum] -Candy Johnson.
[Gaël] -Are you the police?
[Scoot] -Oh, are you the police?
[Gaël] -Lemme see your nipples!
Never say that to a 15 year old girl, by the way.
[Scoot laughs hysterically]
[Adum] -It's a movie.
[Scoot] -It's a film.
I would call it cinema...
[Adum] -Oh, I love the static channel...
[Scoot] -One of the best.
[Gaël laughs]
[Scoot] -I wouldn't eat food here. You just had two of the biggest donuts I've ever seen!
[Adum] -I love oranges!
This is the weirdest scenario and dynamic here...
like, "I'm hungry" fuck off!
[Scoot] -Not anymore...
[Gaël] -You really want to stay?
[Adum] -I love how every beer bottle and can is just facing the opposite way for the label...
Like, that's a Coors classic there.
And these Heineken what are these?
[Scoot] -Oh, you just live here now?
[Gaël] -I like how... sorry, just in the prior scene, her non-biological father was saying,
"she's smarter than most adults that I know, she'll be fine."
and now she's at a crack house.
[Scoot] -Yeah.
like, I want to stay with you guys...
[Scoot] -How smart is she?
[Adum] -I want the only orange in the fridge!
I know, everything that's placed this way it's for a reason, okay?
[Gaël] -I mean the the bottle-
The bottles on the table just changed orientation for this shot...
[Adum] -Your dad just changed orientation.
[Gaël] -Got him.
[Scot] -I like that she still made thanksgiving dinner with her daughter missing!
[Gaël] -She finished the dinners!
[Scoot] -Finished! It is served!
What are we gonna do, not have the turkey waiting for her?
[Adum] -I'm hungry...
[Scoot] - I'll have a little turkey...
and then we'll then we'll start looking for our missing daughter...
who's been gone for days...
[Gaël] -I definitely hate turkey a lot.
[Scoot] -I don't hate turkey but I'll take duck over it.
[Scoot] -It's definitely one of my- it's one of my least favorite white meats...
[Scoot] -Well I'm telling you, who's your favorite white meat?
[Gaël] -Well...
[Scoot] -No pressure 😆
[Gaël] -You already know...
making eye contact with it right now...
[Adum] -I love how he pokes at his his vein there like, in case he couldn't figure it out...
[Scoot] - Show belly button...
[Adum] -It's a good thing she had a book.
[Gaël] -It's Romeo and Juliet, it's barely a book.
Pfft! Got him.
Later, Shakespeare.
[Scoot] -Take that, Bill.
Bill...
[Scoot] -What is your game plan?!
[Gaël] -The most reasonable question.
[Scoot] -I am siding with the heroin addicts.
[Adum] -Yeah and I gave you away.
[Gaël] -She's like, what 70?
[Adum] -She's 26.
[Scoot] -She's lived hard.
[Scoot] -This is nice.
This is a nice slur going on.
And here's some other nice slurs...
[Scoot] -Hey Gary! Check out this bitch!
[Adum] -This kid thinks I like her.
[Gaël] -Film by real quick um because when Gary sat down on the couch if you look at his right pocket,
there was clearly the outline of a phone...
and that's where my-
[Scoot] -That's not what I thought you were going to say there was the outline of in his pants.
[Gaël] -Well then...
[Scoot] -Keen cinephiles will notice that Gary is packing!
[Gaël] -See, I told you-
[Adum] -What's like, you would have protected better if you just told me.
I was in more danger because you didn't tell me and I did all this shit by myself,
and you didn't even care where I was for- until dinner was ready-
[Scoot] -Until you already made thanksgiving dinner...
[Gaël] -Oh that's that's-
[everyone talking at once]
[Adum] -Looks dry.
[Scoot] -Well it's been there for fuckin' hours, because SOMEONE ruined dinner...
[Gaël] -Ruined thanksgiving...
[Scoot] -Can I have the whole cob next time, instead of this piece of shit?
[Gaël] -Are you a corn cob kind of guy?
[Scoot] -I'm a whole cobb kind of guy.
And I eat it vertically...
[Gaël] -Wouldn't be a dar man video if something crazy didn't happen at the end.
[Scoot] -Is that a thing? Is he- or is he is he Shyamalan esk?
[Gaël] -he's very Shyamalan esk.
[Gaël] -Is that what everyone from there does with their movies?
[Gaël] -What do you mean by everyone from there?
[Scoot] -I don't know...
Philadelphia.
[Both burst out laughing]
[Scoot] -Saved it!
[Scoot] -Oh she said the things!
[Gaël] -I just want to point out that-
[Scoot] -Can we adopt your baby?
I want to point out that Adam literally typed the title of this film into youtube
and within three seconds we were in.
I was gonna say I got whiplash like, I had I had a thing I was going to say, I don't know what it was anymore...
I wanted you to react to the fact that this is what we're watching.
[SCoot] -You told me to shut up and then press record!
That's literally what happened!
[Gaël] -That's her besties family.
[Scoot] -Oh tomorrow.
[Gaël] -Yes. [Scoot] - Yeah.
[Gaël] -Oh my god, you're all so on top of this...
[Scoot] -What if it was- what if it was two different people?
[Adum] -They're name tags are different.
[Gaël] -That would've been really good...
[Scoot] -What if brownie was her dad the whole time?
[Gaël] -You mean Jackson you -
[Scoot] -oh! Post credits!
[Gaël] -Wait.
[Adum] -Didn't take long...
[Adum] -So, he does get this-
[Scoot] -$10,000?
[Scoot] -YES!
[Adum] -What the fuck you s- ugh...
[Scoot] -You know who has lots of money? People in prison.
[Adum] -Yeah...
[Gaël] -Like, all the bad guys get there come up-
[Scoot] -Somebody ate her orange someone ate orange someone ah there you go.
[Adum] -She's so high she didn't notice...
I like the play fighting junkies...
also the- the haunted fridge...
[Gaël] -I like how the lights stayed on, by the way.
[Adum] -I love how we're getting all of the resolution we were dying to have this entire film.
Like, I wanted to know what she got-
Will tomorrow get that phone?
[Gaël] -I mean they've been teasing tomorrow's iphone this since- since the first act.
[Scoot] -True.
[Adum] -We don't even get more credits, this is a feature film, what the fuck?
Okay, what was your favorite scene?Hurry up.
uh the post credits! I panicked! I'm sorry!
Two donuts!
[Adum] -Two donuts; all right, thanks everybody!
No real credits for this "real" movie, I guess...
Jesus christ okay bye everybody....
[Music]