- This is your first kind of... you don't get--
- Talk show appearance in a coma.
- Yeah. [laughs]
You have not been out in a while
because you have a brand new little baby at home.
- Yes. - How old is she?
- She's three weeks old.
- Tiny. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's very tiny. - Like that--like that?
- Uh-huh, like that big. - Wow, she's tiny.
- She's--yes. - Wow.
- Yeah. - Uh-huh.
- She's a micro-baby.
- She's a tiny, tiny baby. - Yeah, yeah.
They're selling those now. - Uh-huh.
And you can just hold her like that.
both: Yeah. - I will put her--
I lose her in my pocket very often.
- Okay. - Yeah.
It's the only downside of a micro-baby.
- So you have to have a tiny-- - Less milk, smaller poops,
but you will lose them in your pocket.
- [laughs]
Advantages and disadvantages.
- That's right. - Her name is Delta.
- Her name is Delta, yes.
- And was it easier the second time around?
- It was not, Ellen. It was...
It was more difficult. - Uh-huh.
- Kristen, God bless her, was in labor for 33 hours.
- Oh. - Yeah.
- Wow. - It was incredible.
There was a point-- - Wait, how long was she
in labor for Lincoln?
- 15?
- That's still a long time. - That's child's play.
- Really?
- This was Fallujah.
I mean, this was-- this was intense.
And she got an epidural, like, hour 14, as you should.
And I think dads need something.
I-I deserved something. - Uh-huh.
- Because I was along for the ride.
It's still a car crash, and I'm in the passenger seat.
- Uh-huh. - I'm playing Katy Perry,
and I'm breathing, and I'm rubbing her back,
and I have fatigue, and I think,
"I need something for this. Help me."
- Yeah. That's a good idea.
- And then, at the last minute, which was heart-breaking,
she then had to have a C-section.
Which happens. It's all right.
I have a healthy baby. Everything's great.
But I had been warned by a lot of different gentlemen,
and even my own mother, that said,
"You might not want to watch the baby come out."
- Mm-hmm.
- "Maybe not the greatest idea."
What they did not warn me about is the C-section,
which is way worse.
So, there's a sheet, and then they go, "The baby's here!"
And then you peek around the sheet,
and they're lifting out the baby,
but then you notice your wife is completely disassembled.
- [laughs]
- I can see inside of her.
I was like, "It's--it's a girl!
There's--your liver's out, I think!"
And then, "Those are definitely intestines!"
And "She has your eyes!"
And "Oh, my God, put her together correctly!"
After seeing this autopsy,
I would rather see a school bus drive out of her vagina.
- [laughs]
- There's nothing worse than seeing your partner
flowing open. It's--it's...
- Oh. - Guys, I need medication
if this happens again. - Oh.
Oh, no. - Yeah, it's intense.
- Yeah, that is very intense. - But she's a super-healer.
Kristen, 'cause she's never smoked, never drank,
eats perfect. She's like Wolverine.
You cut her, and it just-- - Yeah.
- As the knife's going through, it's--it's sealing.
- Wow. - If those kids came out of me,
I don't know what they would look like.
- Well...
- I'd still be in the hospital, probably.
- Yeah, well... - Yeah.
- It's a good thing they didn't 'cause that'd be weird.
- It would. - But, so, she's fine,
and Delta's fine.
- Everyone's really really healthy.
- That's great. - Yeah, yeah.
So it's going very well.
- 'Cause usually when they realize they're staying,
they're not happy about it. They usually--
- Okay, one thing did happen.
But this was totally innocent on her part.
We're all eating dinner, and my mother says,
"Guys, guys, guys guys." And we look over
and Lincoln has some rocks that she loves and carries around,
and she's throwing them in the baby bassinet to share.
- [laughs]
- They're big rocks, and the baby, again...
- Is that small.
- Is about the size of my thumbnail.
- Yeah. Ooh.
- There was no injuries, but that got our attention.
- Wow.
- Just lobbing rocks in.
Sharing.
- Oh.
- Sharing is not caring, always.
- No. - They say it is.
- No. - But guess what?
- No. - Sometimes it's almost murder.
- [laughs]
Oh, man. - Yeah.
- And--and so Delta is three weeks old.
And where does the name Delta come from?
Was that something that you had thought of before?
- So, Delta actually-- it was a joke,
because our first daughter's name is Lincoln,
which is very masculine.
So a friend of mine teasingly texted me,
"Oh, great. What's this one gonna be?
"Navy Seal?
"Delta Force?
Green Beret?"
And I was reading this text out loud to Kristen.
I'm like, "Oh, listen how funny this is.
Steve said, 'What if we named her Delta Force?'"
And I was like...
"Delta!
"Delta Bell Shepard!
That's it!"
And that's it.
- [laughs]