- Heya playa, do you find it difficult
to feel comfortable around your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Maybe you're always awkward around them, or you're too shy,
or you don't know what to say.
Don't worry, in this video,
I'm gonna share five things you can do
to improve your relationship right after this.
♪ This is The Josh Speaks ♪
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For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh,
and every single Monday through Friday,
I make videos sharing tips, ideas, and stories
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Now when you're in a relationship,
feeling comfortable around that person
should be your number one priority.
Otherwise, what good is being in a relationship
if you can't open up to them, if you can't connect,
if things are just so weird
that the two of you exist but not really together?
Well the first thing you're gonna wanna focus on
to get closer to them is to schedule time to talk.
A lot of couples don't really do this.
They kinda just go on the fly
and text each other here and there,
but if you have a scheduled time every single day,
maybe it's after dinner, maybe it's after school,
whenever it is for the two of you,
that can make it easier for the two of you
to get into the routine of communicating
because life can be hectic.
You might have to worry about school
and friendships and family life
and homework and afterschool activities,
and scheduling in time to talk
to someone that you wanna be with
might fall to the bottom of that list.
However, if you can prioritize a little bit of time
every single day just to talk to them,
that'll make the relationship that much more important.
You won't tell yourself I'll talk
to them when I have a chance.
You'll say hey, I really wanna talk to them.
I really wanna know what's going on in their life.
So at this time on this day, I'm gonna do it.
Now the second point which you might find
a little contradictory is to be spontaneous.
Spontaneity is what keeps relationships fresh and fun,
and that's the path you wanna take here.
A few ways to be more spontaneous is to call them
out of the blue one day instead of texting them.
Calling them is something they may not be used to.
So it might be a fun and new thing for the both of you.
You can also buy them little gifts from the store.
It could be things like candy or a card,
or if you don't wanna buy things,
you could even make things at home.
The whole point is to give them things
to show them that you care about them,
to get them in the idea of hey, I'm doing these things,
and while I'm doing them, I'm thinking about you.
Everyone has a different love language,
and maybe for your partner, receiving gifts
is a way that they feel cared for.
Either way, it's a kind gesture
and something they're gonna appreciate.
The third way to build more comfort between you two
is to plan activities together.
If you're not really spending time together,
then it's gonna be hard for the two of you
to feel more comfortable.
If you're only communicating through text
and you're only seeing each other in passing in school,
then you're never really gonna have
that time together where you grow.
And when I say planning activities,
I don't mean doing super expensive things.
The two of you can plan things
like going to the movies together,
going for a walk in the park, meeting up after school
to just go get food together.
Little things that can help the two of you connect better,
but they have to be one-on-one experiences
so that the two of you can open up
and get out of your shell with each other.
And that leads to the fourth point
which if the two of you wanna feel more comfortable,
you're gonna need to be okay with being
more physically present with that other person,
and what I mean by that is not being all over them
but not being afraid to hold their hand,
not being afraid to lean your head on their shoulder,
not being afraid to put your arm around them,
just being physically affectionate.
Now depending on how old you are,
that's gonna determine your level of physical intimacy.
For example, if you're a lot younger,
holding hands might be a big deal,
but if you're a lot older, maybe making out is a big deal.
Either way, the whole point is that you're not afraid
to show your partner that you want
to engage in these things with them,
and yes, there may be other obstacles
like people might stare at you,
your friends might make fun of you,
or maybe you sit with your friends during lunch
and they sit with their friends.
So you guys are never together.
Either way, the whole point is that
you wanna keep your partner top of mind,
and they should do the same for you.
You wanna show each other that you're willing to be there.
You're willing to showcase those feelings,
and you're not afraid of what other people
are gonna think of you.
Trust me on this, guys.
When I was in high school dating my first girlfriend,
I was way too nervous and afraid
of being physically available,
of holding her hand, and even kissing her at times,
and I explain more details about this story
in the video over here if you wanna go check it out,
but the point really here is to show them how you feel
because if you keep those feelings to yourself,
they're not gonna feel like you genuinely care about them.
And on that point, we stumble into the fifth way
which is to voice your feelings.
So many people are afraid to talk
to their boyfriend or girlfriend about what they're feeling.
Instead, they go to their friends.
Instead, they go to people like me on YouTube,
but I think ultimately, if you really wanna
work on your relationship,
if you really wanna see it succeed and grow,
you need to communicate with your partner.
If you're feeling nervous, it's okay
to tell them that you feel nervous
because most likely, they feel nervous too.
If the two of you can work on understanding
where the other person is coming from,
you'll have a much better chance
of making your relationship grow,
but if you keep your feelings to yourself,
if you never voice them, if you never
tell your partner how you feel,
and even worse, if you never ask them how they feel,
then the two of you are gonna remain in your own heads,
you're gonna remain in your own spaces,
and nothing is gonna be built on.
And I know, there's always a fear
that if you voice your feelings
they may get dismissed or ignored
or it might be the end of your relationship,
but you always need to ask yourself.
Do you wanna be with someone who values
what you have to say and cares about you?
Or do you wanna be with someone just to be with someone?
That choice really is up to you.
I know I didn't cover every possible
relationship scenario with these tips.
Maybe you're dealing with something
that falls outside of these boundaries.
So that's why I wanna know what do you think?
What are some of the things
you're dealing with in a relationship?
Or if you're not in a relationship,
what are some of the hesitancies you have
and things you're afraid of once you get into it?
Leave your comments down below, and we'll talk about it.
The learning doesn't end there, though.
If you wanna build healthy and strong relationships,
tap on the playlist right there on your screen right now
to go watch more videos,
and you can check out my book "Embracing the Awkward"
where I break down how to build healthy relationships.
It's all in here, it's all in those videos,
so go check it out, guys.
On that note, I'll catch you tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.