- DON'T YOU LOVE TELEVISION? IT'S A WONDERFUL INVENTION.
I WATCHED A LOT OF TELEVISION OVER THE SUMMER,
AND HERE'S WHAT I NOTICED ABOUT TELEVISION.
IT'S CHANGED A LOT OVER THE YEARS.
BECAUSE I WAS A KID, I WAS WATCHING, LIKE,
"I LOVE LUCY."
DID YOU WATCH THAT SHOW?
[cheers and applause]
LUCY AND DESI WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SLEEP IN THE SAME BED.
THEY HAD SEPARATE BEDS.
THEY WERE MARRIED, AND THEY HAD TO SLEEP--
NOW YOU TURN ON THE TV, EVERYBODY'S NAKED ON THE--
THEY'RE NAKED EVERYWHERE. EVERY SHOW.
IT'S NOT JUST CINEMAX ANYMORE.
NOW IT'S--IT STARTED WITH "NAKED AND AFRAID."
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT SHOW?
[laughter]
THAT STARTED IT ALL.
AND THEN PEOPLE WENT, "OH, THAT WORKS.
"WELL, LET'S DO 'NAKED VEGAS.'"
BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA WORK.
THEN THERE'S "NAKED CASTAWAY."
THESE ARE NOT SHOWS I'M MAKING UP.
THERE'S CHELSEA HANDLER.
SHE'S NAKED ALL THE TIME.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
I REFUSE TO BE NAKED.
THERE'S A NEW SHOW.
IT'S CALLED "DATING NAKED."
HAVE YOU HEARD OF "DATING NAKED?"
[audience groans]
I'M TELLING YOU, THESE SHOWS JUST ARE--
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.
IT'S A SHOW WHERE PEOPLE DATE NAKED.
VERY COMPLICATED. STAY WITH ME.
EACH EPISODE, THERE'S A MAN AND A WOMAN.
THEY GO ON THREE BLIND DATES COMPLETELY NAKED,
AND AT THE END OF THE EPISODE,
THEY PICK WHO HAD THE BEST "CONNECTION."
VH1 CALLS IT A SOCIAL EXPERIMENT.
I CALL IT A NIGHTMARE, IS WHAT I CALL IT.
ANYWAY, HERE'S A COUPLE OF-- THIS IS--
THEY'RE MEETING FOR THE FIRST TIME.
- [squeals, laughs]
I'M--OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE SO NAKED.
YOU ARE SO NAKED.
- IS THIS WEIRD? I DON'T KNOW.
SHOULD WE SHAKE HANDS? HI, I'M GREG.
- I'M NOT--I'M-- NO.
NO. OKAY. [laughs]
I'M FEELING A LITTLE SHOCKED.
[both laugh]
- SHOCKED? YOU'RE SHOCKED?
YOU AGREED TO BE ON A SHOW CALLED "DATING NAKED."
WHY IS SHE SHOCKED?
DOES SHE NOT UNDERSTAND SHE'S ALSO NAKED?
SHE JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN, "AAH!"
HERE'S ANOTHER COUPLE MEETING.
[upbeat pop music]
- [singing] YEAH, OH-OH
OH-OH
DOO, DOO, DOO, DOO
- HI.
I'M DIANE. - HUG IT OUT?
- UM...
- THE WOMEN ARE SO FREAKED OUT.
THE MEN HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.
AND THE WOMEN ARE LIKE, "WHAT'S HAPPENING?
I DIDN'T READ THE CONTRACT."
THEN THE COUPLES GO ON DATES, AND THEN--
THEY DON'T JUST GO, LIKE, ON A REGULAR DATE,
LIKE TO DINNER AND A MOVIE.
THEY GO-- THIS IS A ZIP-LINING DATE.
AND WHAT COULD GO WRONG, REALLY?
- I JUST HOPE WE DON'T GET STUCK,
'CAUSE THEN WE'RE IN TROUBLE.
- [laughing] YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD.
- [laughs]
[energetic pop music]
WHOO!
- [singing] WHOA, OH, OH, OH
- OH, MY GOD. WHOO!
[music continues]
OH, [bleep]. [bleep].
- I'M SURE THEY'RE FINE.
THEY WERE WEARING HELMETS.
THEY'RE FINE.
WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO THEM?
ANOTHER COUPLE WENT ON A BOAT,
AND I GUESS HE THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE ROMANTIC.
- SITTING ON THE BOAT WITH CAMILLE
WITH THE WIND IN OUR HAIR--
WHY NOT MAKE THIS A "TITANIC" MOMENT?
[sweet music]
GO FOR THE BOW.
YOU CAN GET AROUND THAT.
- [squeals] - COME ON.
DON'T FALL.
[music continues]
- OH. OH.
BEAUTIFUL.
SO BEAUTIFUL.
SO THE GIRL WHO WENT ZIP-LINING--
REMEMBER THAT GIRL?
AFTER THE ACCIDENT, LET'S SEE HOW THINGS WORKED OUT
IN THE WHOLE SHOW FOR HER.
- I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT "NAKED DATING."
TAKE YOUR PICTURE, BITCHES.
- KATIE,
SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE.
[laughter]
IT WILL HEAL.
HOPEFULLY, YOUR HONESTY HERE WILL ALLOW YOU TO DATE
IN A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY IN THE FUTURE.
- LOOK FOR HER NEW SHOW.
IT'S CALLED "NAKED AND ANGRY."
AND NOW I SHALL HAPPILY DANCE WITH MY CLOTHES ON.