Want more confidence? Stay tuned. This is
Damon Cart from NLP gym three ways to
develop your confidence that you must
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the most common question I get is about
confidence or people wanting confidence
or one coaching on confidence or without
doing a training those are usually
questions that come up the most is about
confidence
it's the way that people think about
confidence that is usually the problem
it's not really a matter of they don't
have confidence that they can't have
confidence it's really a matter of
mindset so here's the three things you
need to know about confidence confidence
is not a thing we tend to talk about it
that way we tend to reference it that
way
confidence is what we call in NLP a
nominalization a nominalization is either
an adjective or adverb that's been
turned into a noun but confidence you
can it's not a thing you can pick it up
and put it in your pocket and walk
around with or take it where you want to
go we tried to sort of get our hands
around confidence so that we can have it
all the time but as soon as you do that
that kind of makes it go away
and why is that well that's because
you're coming from a place of scarcity
and desperation
so if you're coming from a place of
scarcity and desperation trying to hold
on to something that is not tangible
that is the opposite of confidence that
is the antithesis of confidence so of
course you suddenly lose that confidence
because you're trying you're coming from
a place of trying to hold onto something
and that's coming from desperation and
scarcity confidence is how you feel
about something that's how you feel
about yourself with something your skill
level your ability your behavior so
confidence is not a thing when your
behavior aligns with your values
self-esteem and confidence is the
byproduct of the symptoms
of that if you don't know your highest
values it'd be a good idea to elicit
them have a few videos on that on this
channel so listen your highest values
and then look at those values in the 325
highest values do you embody these
values as qualities within yourself if
you do not then that's what that's going
to be the problem right there when you
embody the qualities within yourself and
you behave according to the qualities
these qualities that and they align with
your highest values you're going to have
lots of confidence so for example if you
value the ability to persuade or to
negotiate really well and you're
behaving that way you're able to
negotiate really well on your confidence
is going to go up if you value
negotiating and persuasion and you're
not able to do that you're going to feel
a lack of confidence but to a person who
doesn't care he doesn't care about that
ability it confidence design an issue
because they don't value that think
about what it is you value a skill and
behavior are just a value in itself and
ru embodying that value as a quality and
if you're not then you need to develop
that quality within yourself use
reference experience within your own
life in your own history you pull these
reference experiences of of you
demonstrating this quality and you'll
start to get a sense more of having a
quality which will make you more
confident
another example is if I value passion
and I spend my days with busy work that
has no passion in it again i'm not i'm
not going to feel confident I'm not
going to fill my self-esteem is going to
be low and i'm not going to be happy if
i want to build my confidence and say
riding a motorcycle and only if all i do
is read about riding a motorcycle then
I'm not going to feel very confident
about riding a motorcycle because i
don't have sensory experience sensory
based experience don't know what it
actually looks like I don't know
actually feels like I don't know what it
sounds like
so there's not going to be a real sense
of confidence there and that's a good
thing because you can that's what
arrogance is it's having unbounded
confidence it's having confidence about
something that you don't have any real
reference or sensory based experience
and so you try to compensate by being
arrogant about it if you have her in a
motorcycle so you've ridden motorcycles
once and you don't have a lot of
confidence about it and you'd like more
confidence before you go and write a
motorcycle again if you go back into
that sensory based experience and you
really get a sense of what you saw what
you heard what you felt when you pull in
more information you're going to get a
sense of being more confident as
confident as you could possibly be from
having had one experience confidence is
also about experience do you have
sensory based experiences you have very
little sensory based experience and
something you want to be confident and
go back into that memory associated to
it and pull in as much detail as you
possibly can and you'll get a lot more
of a sense of confidence what did you
see to the finest details
what did you hear as be as specific as
you can
what did you feel well as the motorcycle
like when you were maneuvering it was it
like when you felt that speed moving
here at through the wind that's the kind
of stuff that you want to pull in at
number three determination is more
important than confidence confidence is
great but if you're not clear about what
you want
you're not going anywhere confidence
will make you feel great especially in
times of uncertainty but it won't
necessarily help you accomplish goals
determine what it is you want and be
determined about getting it no matter if
you're confident or not you're going to
have those times when you don't feel
good I don't feel confident you don't
feel like going forward is your
determination that's going to get you
through that not so much confidence
confidence might come and go its
determination that will stick and will
stay with you if you wanted to
want to change your life when a master
your life when I master your life
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