Have you ever wondered what happens when a narcissist knows that you're onto them? When
you know that they're a narcissist or you're wise to their games? By the end of this video
you're going to know exactly what happens when a narcissist knows that you're onto them,
and you're going to be able to be prepared and ready for it.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung. I have been recognized as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country
and I've written two best-selling books, Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free a Step-by-Step
Divorce Guide, and I've helped so many people, thousands of people, millions of people actually
if you include everyone on this channel, and I've helped them go from lives of drama, trauma,
chaos, paralysis, powerlessness, and guided them and supported them all the way to lives
of feeling breaking free and creating new beginnings and new futures, and that's what
I do for you right here on this channel and in these videos. So make sure that you subscribe
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to my channel. And now let's talk about what happens when
a narcissist knows that you know, and I personally have had to deal with a couple of narcissists
in my own life and that's why I have this passion. Yes, I developed skills on how to
negotiate at a mastery level by being an attorney, and at a mastery level by being an attorney
in high conflict situations because I've represented people in high net worth and high conflict
divorce cases for over 20 years. But when I really learned about narcissism
and how to apply narcissism to the process of negotiation was when I actually had to
deal with a couple of narcissists in my own life. They're horrible, they actually they
mess with your brain, they create new neuronal patterns that make it really, really hard
for you to go on with your life and feel whole. But I promise you that you are whole, I promise
you that you will be able to get out of this. It happened to me and if it happened to me,
it can happen to anyone. And if I can get out of it, you can get out of it and I will
show you the way step-by-step and that's what I do for you here.
So what I found when the narcissist that I had to deal with knew that I knew is that
they would start love bombing again. That's one of the things that they start to do. So
they got you into their web in the first place by love bombing you, by promising that they
would do things, by making you think that they're so wonderful and so perfect. So they
try to remind you of this false person that you thought that they were by they start doing
little things for you again, and you start to go well oh, okay, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe
they're not as bad as I thought that they were. And I just want to remind you of what
that does to your brain. There was a study done by a psychologist out
of Stanford, and his name was Robert Sapolsky, and he did a study on monkeys and their brains
and what would happen if they got rewarded for good things that they did. And what he
found was when the monkeys were rewarded every single time for good things, nothing happened
in their brains at all. But when they were rewarded intermittently, variably, where they
had no idea when they were going to be rewarded, then the dopamine levels in their brains actually
rose to the level of when people's brains are on cocaine, it's such a high, it felt
so good to them. And so they were scrambling constantly, even more so than any other time,
trying to hustle for getting those treats and getting that dopamine level release.
And so that's what happens to us when we're dealing with narcissists because they do this
love bomb to value discard thing, and it's back and forth. They can be love bombing you
while they're discarding you, love bombing while they're devaluing you, and it's all
happening sort of at once. Kind of starts with love bombing, ends with discard, but
this toxic stew in between. If you want to know more about the three stages of a narcissistic
relationship make sure you check out my videos on Love Bombing, Devaluing and Discarding
so that you can understand each one of the stages a little bit more. But basically that's
what they do to your brain. So you find yourself drawn back in when they
know that you know, there they go with the love bombing again, and you sit there and
you go, well you know what? It's not terrible all the time, sometimes it can be really good.
And that's how you end up sticking in this and staying in this for a lot longer than
you probably feel like you should have. But don't beat yourself up over it because they
are master manipulators, that's what they do. They're usually very charming and very
skilled at getting you into their little web of control. They're usually very, very charismatic
people and very skilled at doing that. So that's one of the first things that they do
when they know that you know. And by the way, if you think that this is all so sick, give
me a so sick in the comments. The next thing that narcissists will try to
do when they know that you know is they'll start to try to get in with people around
you. So they'll start to triangulate and line up their flying monkeys. So in my experience
what I had is that these particular narcissists would try to get super close to other people
in my family and do really lovely, wonderful things for them so that everybody else in
the world thinks that these people are so wonderful, and that way it empowers them to
be able to turn around and say to you you're the only one that thinks that there's something
wrong with me. You're the only one that thinks that there is a problem. No one else thinks
that. Everybody else thinks that I'm wonderful. And if you want to know more about narcissist
favorite sayings check out my video on Narcissist Favorite Sayings, but those are some of the
things that they do. They start doing all kinds of wonderful things to look good and
line up those flying monkeys so that if there's a discard coming, you're going to be alone.
You're going to feel alone, you're going to feel like it's you against the world.
So the next thing that happens is the birth of the smear campaign. This is when you start
to see them kind of starting to bad mouth you. It's part of the whole flying monkeys
thing where they are triangulating and lining up people against you. Especially the covert
narcissists are really good at this. They start saying things in ways like, oh, I don't
know why she just doesn't like me or he's done these things to me. They kind of try
to present themselves as a victim. You're the one who is the cheater, you're the one
who's the addict, you're abusing alcohol, who maybe is treating them badly in some way.
It's a smear campaign but they don't go straight out and say that person is awful. They really,
really good at presenting it in a way that you are the one that's been wronging them
and targeting them. And they might even say things that you've been doing that they've
been doing to you, like cheating or not paying attention to them or whatever it is that you
have an issue with, that's where they'll start to say those things to other and line up people.
The best flying monkeys for them are the ones that are people that they think that you really
love or trust, or that you think that you have a relationship with, or that you think
that you are close to, because if they can get one of those flying monkeys. This is one
of the things that happened to me is one of the narcissists in my life was actually able
to get one of the flying monkeys to come to me and say why don't you give this person
another chance and all this stuff and they don't know any of the story, they don't know
any of what happened. But they're just living in this fantasy world that you did something
wrong. And so what can you do about it? In my experience
going back to those flying monkeys and trying to change them, and trying to now turn them
against the other person, it really doesn't necessarily work, and then you just spend
all your time worrying about it. And so in my experience the best thing to do is just
to put strict boundaries into place, do not continue to give them any sort of narcissistic
supply. As for the smear campaigns, as for the flying monkeys, you just have to learn
to just go I can't fight every single battle, I can only be who I am, I can only be the
best that I can, and I have to hope that karma will show itself, or I will show myself to
the world as who I really actually am and be okay with that.
And as for the love bombing, do not fall for it. Just understand that that's their manipulation
tactic, that's what they use in order to gain control over you again.
So when the narcissist knows that you know, it's not necessarily going to be a pretty
sight. Narcissists always get worse before they get better, and when that cover comes
off, when that mask comes off and they realize that you know who they are, they're not going
to really want to have much to do with you anymore unless they can feel like they can
get narcissistic supply out of you in the form of intimidating you or manipulating you
in some way. The reason why they're still hanging around,
if you've got a court case that's going on for two years, three years, four years, I
just talked to somebody six years, is because they're still getting narcissistic supply
out of it. That's all they want, and if they're getting something out of it, some feeling
of high because they are able to intimidate you and make your life miserable, they're
going to continue to hang around. So the key in creating leverage and negotiating with
them is going to be in that narcissistic supply. So if you are getting ready to negotiate with
a narcissist, grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet at winmynegotiation.com, that's
the URL, winmynegotiation.com. Come join me in my free private Facebook group Narcissist
Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, so much information there and so much help from others there as
well. If you like this video give it a like, give
it a share so that other people can get this content as well, and make sure that you subscribe,
hit the notification bell, drop me that comment, tell me what's going on, or just tell me that
you just think it is so sick what they are doing. I'm so glad that you stopped by my
channel today. Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll
see you in the next video.