What's up? I think you probably the last time we talked I was not myself and as
much as you were saying that like you felt better in Singapore I struggled a
lot because I want to know all silly stupid things about you and how we are
together and I can't call Chris Harrison and say I want everyone on one for the
next year I want the time and attention that a relationship deserves to be able
if you get down on one knee I feel like when I'm with you
we give each other that feels like we that's the thing is like watching you
that day on the 101 and going through that with you and that
date with you I'm excited with you I can't help but think about what we have
the connections there
because they did come into this not wanting anything else but the
opportunity stupidly happy so do i when I was in your position it was tough to
go on a one-on-one and then watch the other guys come back with a bigger smile
on their faces I had don't know how to compete with
that woman and it's not about jealousy is it - no no and it's not about
jealousies it's not about insecurities than that I mean that's what I think I
guess that's a while I'm confused or know this part that sucks is I wish I
could just say that there was something off between us but I'd be lying there's
literally a big part of me that hoped I'd walk in at night and
just say like but you would better and bigger connections and he were fine and
we'd be great friends or whatever so it easy her foot I mean that kills me to
hear her that's not the case that look I don't like I don't give up on like
that's not me I don't give up on relationships
like I can't especially ones that I'm genuinely excited for
I can't I mean like literally can't accept a proposal after a few months of
sharing your time and attention with other people I can't do it so what you
saying you can't get there that means you're you're leaving I have to happen
you want something but I can't promise that out I will get there and there is a
lot of girls that are dying for that opportunity and I like you I think
that's crazy obvious when we're together I listen to these girls talk about how
much they're falling in love with you this isn't working for me
I don't know what to do like I have to leave
I just hate freaking save it just don't think it's authentic for me to say like
I care about you and I respect you and not want you to get what you want out of
this when I can't accept a proposal in a few weeks
all right
I really want you to be happy
walking away from someone I care about I think I just made a really really stupid
mistake
I convinced myself that out of 30 women I wouldn't have been enough but he
wanted us to work did I really really ride doing this
Oh stupid am I
it was so pissed off at myself we mean discussing myself and heartbroken
think the last thing I was expecting tonight musta c-elysee
for someone to just give up on me give up on us
is confusing
I've had people give up on me in the best just hearing that tonight just
brings up the fear of
it's my word this is my worst nightmare is getting to the end of this not being
loved back not being enough I mean what happened tonight could possibly happen
when I get down on me and that's absolutely terrifying
you