The first time that I experienced anxiety was probably 12 years ago. I'd get the shakes.
You know, I'd be sitting at work and I'd be… I'd physically… The hands would be shaking,
so I'd sit on my hand.
I didn't know what it was; I didn't know what
I was thinking, I didn't know what I was feeling, and I didn't know… I was more like why am
I thinking this? Why am I feeling like this?
When I feel at my worst, I just shut myself
in and I don't want to talk to anyone. I can't even answer the phone or anything.
I felt like I was… I felt like I was going to die every day. The symptoms... My heart
palpitations, I used to get stomach pains, pins and needles down like…
headaches. For me it was just about getting through the day.
What I did a lot of the time before I found coping mechanisms, which was to seek constant
reassurance from other people. Yes, all the time.
I think that's one of the main things about anxiety.
Did you find it made you better? Yes, it did.
All the time, or temporarily? Not all the time; it did for about 10 seconds,
then I'll have something else from there, and then I've got to get reassurance again.
Exactly; I spent most of my life seeking reassurance from others. Like you say, if… A health
anxiety problem so you… From anyone you try, just try and do it.
Yes. And you get kind of temporary relief; it's like a bit of a drug fix.
It is, yes. It goes away for a bit and then it comes back;
so you have to find longer term coping mechanisms. It's like a short term solution to a long
term problem. Last year one of the things that I identified
with... Perfection was a minimum standard for me. It wasn't a goal; and that's what
it should be. It should be a goal. Perfection… Yes, aim high. But don't set it as the minimum;
because that really is what can trigger an awful lot of anxiety.
What I used to do as well is say you've got heart palpitations or… Like I used to get
lumps in the throat… Do not look up your symptoms on the Internet.
Oh, absolutely. Do not, do not do that; because that is a
no go. That will come up bad. That's… You're absolutely right.
I had CBT. I had severe depression; which had also come on from like about the age of
11. And I really kind of went about that; but I noticed that when I started to overcome
them things, the anxiety lessened and I was able to rationalise and cope with the anxiety
more. I still think CBT is probably the best process… Treatment for me. 'Cause I find
it more easier to talk about the issues I'm facing. My therapist now, she's always telling
me that it's just not… It's what if. What if it doesn't… What if it doesn't happen?
And the only way you can try it is by trying it.
I've heard yoga, meditation, Pilates; especially yoga is supposed to be excellent for anxiety.
Write yourself a little diary so like Monday is you're suffering from heart palpitations
and list what time it goes as well that day. So next week if you're suffering from that
same, like, heart palpitations, you can look back and think well, I suffered with this,
it went within a couple of hours, I'll be fine today. It will go. That's one I've found.
That's excellent. To say for yourself this will pass. And it doesn't define me. I have
anxiety, but that's not all I am. Do like little baby steps; so I used to push
myself each day. So walk up to the shop, and then just walk back home.
Those baby steps are like big achievements, though, aren't they? And I know… For me
anyway, in particular, they've… I always say it's important… I always think it's
important to get the support which you feel you need. And I know for me, I initially found
it very, very difficult to open up to my family about how I'm feeling, the thoughts I'm getting
and so on. And it took me about two years after I got
diagnosed to even tell one person. But their reactions surprised me in a very good, positive
manner. I think now that… Particularly if you want to tell a family member, go ahead
and tell them. If they love you, and if you love them, the support will… It should always
be there. Perhaps you going to somebody and telling
them what you're going through… Because it's quite hard sometimes, isn't it, to admit
to people… It is hard…
But once you… Once you say it, it's like oh yes, my brother suffered that.
It's really, really, common, you know. When you do start talking about it, you don't
realise how many people have it.