Mortal Kombat is a deadly tournament
dictated by the Elder Gods to decide the
fate of entire worlds its contestants
only include the best of the best
whether you're a four-armed beast intent
on conquest a ninja assassin seeking
vengeance or a washed-up Hollywood movie
star looking for your next big break
Johnny Cage was a global phenomenon
known for his over-the-top and dumbest
hell action flicks you're dumb as hell
his movies are awesome we got ninja mime
citizen Kage broke nose mountain and my
personal favorite
Tommy scissor fist oh the only movie
that ever really made me cry but as with
most celebrities cages Fame eventually
cracked audiences lost interest in his
stunts and critics claimed he was a
fraud which is [ __ ]
so to prove himself Johnny naturally
decided the best idea would be to join
the deadliest martial arts tournament
ever what better way to stick it to him
and show him you're the real deal than
to save the earth from an alien takeover
I guess capes didn't really know what he
was getting into luckily he's no
ordinary stuntman
this guy's trained all across the world
he's mastered four different martial
arts including Bruce Lee's real-life
jeet kune do--
he's got nunchucks brass knuckles and
his wicked cool bowie knife so when it
came time to save the world cage could
certainly hold his own against the
greatest martial artists in the universe
good thing too the lightning God Raiden
really needed some help cuz the Outworld
warlord Shao Kahn was just one tourney
went away from taking over earth okay
seriously why does everyone always
target hurt I live here it's not that
great against the forces of evil Kage
discovered he was more adept at this
sort of thing than even he expected he
possesses a mystical power passed down
through generations
originally stemming from a Mediterranean
war cult which bred and trained
combatants to fight among the gods
sure that's not random at all
this power manifests not just as a
shield against divine forces but also as
a mythical energy cage can weaponize he
can fire shadow bulk energy balls punch
you to pieces with a shadow uppercut do
a guile impression with the Eclipse kick
and knock the [ __ ] out of you with his
patented shadow kick but even with these
powers Cage is still a mortal man
whenever he found himself in trouble he
needed a go-to technique to get out of
it oh and he came up with the absolute
perfect move it's the Nutcracker the
Barry Buster the in fertilizer the
beanbag Mirage the not that kind of blow
blow and my personal favorite the help
doctor I think there in my rib cage
missile oh that's disturbing
awesome weight effective watch oh well
Wiz tries to tack down his distich alum
back next week and we'll chat about
Johnny's opponent Captain Falcon