the fourth is difficult because
you suffer not not the other person
suffer you suffer
and you believe that your suffering has
been caused by
by him or by her
if it were another person who has done
that to you
you would have suffered less but not
another person
that's him that's her that's the person
you love the most
that has done it to you
if it were another person who has said
that to you
you would not be asked
painful as
asthma because it is the person you love
you trust the most
that has said that to you just so you
suffer
very deeply
and you feel very alone
very alone
and you prefer to
to go to your room and look look look
yourself up in your room
and cry
because you get hurt so much that
even that person the other person come
and inquire about
your ill being you don't want to answer
you want to tell him or her indirectly
that you don't need him you don't need
her anymore
you can survive very well without him on
earth
that is silly but many of us do like
that
that's pride the element of pride in
love
and that is the opposite of inter being
inside of interview there is a self
standing underway you get hurt
when the other person say darling
you suffer
of something and you say me suffer
why do i do i have to suffer why do i
have to suffer you pretend not to suffer
and if you want to put his hand on your
shoulder
you say leave me alone
you do everything in order to
just tell him indirectly that you don't
need him you don't need her
alone you can survive very well that is
the kind of punishment
you want to punish it
and that is not
not to love
because into love you have to share
everything
your suffering is he suffering your
happiness is
her happiness and
you find it very difficult to go to him
and ask for help but the real practice
the true practice
is to tell him tell her that you suffer
there is a real true story happening in
vietnam
at the end of the 15th century
there is a lady
who was pregnant
namsoon namsung lady
and her husband had to go to war
to the army they are both young
and they cried so much when the young
man
left and she had to
to raise the child alone to give birth
and to raise her child alone
he was in the army for three years
and he was lucky to
be released from the army alive
so he he went home
and she learned about good news as she
went to the
gate of the village with the little boy
to greet him
and that was a very happy moment when
when they met each other again
after three years and it is the first
time
that the young the young father
see his son so according to our
tradition you have to announce
the good news to your ancestors
in vietnam is the practice of ancestral
worship
every house has an altar
for ancestors and
every morning you have to
come to the altar and remove the dust
and and light at the stick of ensens and
offer it takes one minute or two
but to us it's very important practice
because
we believe that our ancestors are
always alive at least in ourselves
and wherever we go our ancestors go with
us
not outside but inside
and
the moment the minute when you
you spend in order to to be
with your ancestors to light a stick of
incense
is the moment when you connect with your
ancestors
it's very important
if you are approached and then you don't
do not have
enough stability
and when something happens important
happen in the family you have to
announce
to your ancestors formally suppose
a baby is born you have to offer
to place on the altar an offering and
announce
the birth of the baby because your
ancestors
have the right to know
if you are sending your your boy to
school
in next time you have to
to to make an offering and place on the
altar and announce
that to your to your ancestors
if you are about to marry your daughter
you have to announce that to your
ancestors
and that is the practice of everyone
the lady went to
do some shopping in order to prepare an
offering
and the man is left with his son and try
to
pursue the son to call him daddy
father but the son the little boy
refused
mister you are not my my father
my daddy
my daddy used to come every night
and my mother talked to him at length
and she cried
and whenever my mother sit down
my father sit down and when my mother
lied down
he lied down
and when the young father hear that he
suffers so much
he believed that there was another man
in his absence intrude
into his household his family
so his his heart became a block of eyes
he went home without saying anything
with them
little boy in fact there is
no no one coming every night
one day the boy came
home late playing with the people
with the children in the in the hamlet
and he said mother everyone has a
daddy where is my daddy
i want to have a father and daddy
so she was lighting the
kerosene and she pointed
to her own shadow on the wall and said
this is your daddy why don't you say
good evening to him
do like this good evening daddy
and that is the truth that happened
and of course she spent a little time
talking to her own shadow
she was so lonely
she talked to him my dear husband you
have been away for a long time
how could i be alone
and raise our child and of course when
you shoot down she sit down
the shadow sit down and that is the
truth
but the young man has a wrong perception
that someone has
intruded into the home and that's why
when the lady came home
he did not look at her anymore he did
not
answer her question anymore it was very
cold and she began to suffer
she did not understand why what happened
and when the offering has been placed on
the outer
the meth and offered
incenses and touched us four times
according to the tradition and after
that he rolled
he rolled up the mat and did not allow
the young lady to to do the touch
of the earth thinking that she's
not worth
presenting herself before the after
because she had committed adultery
and she was very humiliated
she didn't know why
and instead of sharing a meal he left
and went to the liquor bar
and tried to forget his suffering by
drinking drinking and did not come home
until two o'clock three o'clock in the
morning
and he he kept doing like that several
times
and the lady suffered so much she could
not bear it anymore
and she threw herself into the river one
gang
nearby
and when he learned about the death of
his wife
he came home and take care took care of
the child
and that night when he light the
kerosene lamp
the boy said mister he is my daddy
and he pointed to the to the side of his
father
he come every night and now
the young father now knew the truth
but it's too late he's victim of a wrong
perception
it's too late
and the next day everyone in the village
learn
about the tragedy
and they came and helped the young man
to organize
a requirement ceremony for three days
to pray for the liberation of the
soul of the young woman
the king lee tantam
who was a poet one day he
went by and he saw a shrine
built near the river he asked about
about it and and the people in the
village
told the king about the story the
tragedy
he was so moved he wrote a poem that was
engraved on a block of
of rock and that poem still exists
that'd be that is because the tragedy
happened because
mr tung his name uh
lady namco her name they don't know how
to
practice the fourth mantra
the fourth mantra is like this
darling i suffer darling i suffer
please help
please explain why have you done such a
thing to me
why have you said such a thing to me
i suffer please help
if mr tung had done that
and then the namsung lady would have had
the time to explain
and they both would have been able to
avoid a tragedy
and she we behaved like that also
she would she was hurt
and there was a pride in her own if she
had
gone to him and said darling my husband
i suffered so much i don't understand
why
from the time i came home from the
market
you did not look at me anymore you did
not
answer my questions anymore have i done
something horrible
for for you to treat me like that
please help please explain
and if she had done that mr twin would
have
told her the little boy said that
someone used to come every night who is
that i suffer so much
please explain
and then there was explanation and there
will be no
no tragedy
and although it is
a little bit difficult to practice but
the fourth mantra
is very essential to avoid the tragedy
so next time dear friends if it happened
that
you suffer and if you believe
your suffering has been caused by to you
by him
by her the person you love the most
don't do like mr two
don't do like this this is uh namsan
don't worry that don't get pride
stand on your way go to him go to her
and ask for help
in privilege we advise our friends to
to take a piece of paper the size of a
credit card
and write down the three sentences
the first sentence is
darling i suffer and i want you to know
it
darlene i suffer and i want you to know
that i suffer
you don't pretend that you don't suffer
you suffer
and you say you suffer because
in the beginning you have committed
together to share everything and
suffering and happiness so this is
something natural
you suffer you you say you tell him you
suffer
you tell her you suffer the second line
is
i'm doing my best
because i am a practitioner of
mindfulness
i am practicing mindful breathing
mindful working and look deeply
into my suffering to see whether it has
come from a wrong perception or not
because i'm i can be very well victim of
a wrong perception
maybe you have not intended to make me
suffer
but because i have some perception
wrong perceptions so i am doing my best
in looking deeply into my suffering
and that second sentence is a kind of
indirect invitation for the other person
to practice
what i have done what i have said to
make him
or make her suffer that much and that
person begin
to reflect to think that is purpose
and the last sentence is please help
please help
and you can slip that piece of paper
into your wallet
that is the dharma in your wallet the
buddha and your wallet
and every time you suffer and you
believe that
your suffering has been caused by him by
her
the person you love the most take it out
and you know exactly what to do