Translator: Eleni Tziafa Reviewer: Maria Pericleous
"With no consideration, no pity, no shame,
they have built walls around me, thick and high.
And now I sit here feeling hopeless.
I can’t think of anything else: this fate gnaws my mind."
I reflect upon my life as, from the day I was born,
I was taught to fear being myself
because the people closest to me, as well as society,
saw in me something that was evil, offensive,
something that I couldn’t love or be.
Society considers homosexuality a choice
which is insulting, vulgar,
some even call it a sin.
Yet, at the same time, hatred, or even shame towards homosexuality
are both considered acceptable and sensible, and not at all sins.
For years, I refused to talk about it, because I was afraid to be part of it.
So, I stand here before you today
to proudly talk about that old self,
the one I was afraid of, the one that society made me fear,
but also about all those people who are still afraid to talk about it.
I stand here before you today
to remember that I am not only speaking for "me",
I am also speaking for "us".
I want to eliminate my fear,
I want to break down the walls that hold me prisoner,
simply because I am a homosexual.
I was born in Giannena on October 8th, 1986.
I am the third child and the first boy of a big family.
From the day I was born,
my parents, relatives, friends
and society in general
assigned to me, based on my gender,
the expectations, demands and the role I was expected to play
as a son, as a boy and today as a man.
So many walls holding me in.
What I should say, how I should behave,
what I should like.
Yet, a straight man functions
within his own capabilities.
Society expects from him that which he can give,
whereas I am struggling to give something I don’t have.
As a teenager, I began to discover my sexuality.
Filled with guilt, I started to have sexual relations with women.
But I was not successful
because I was trying to give something I did not have.
I tried to accept myself and have society accept me
but all my efforts were in vain, because I was not true to myself.
I treated every success in my life as if it were a triumph,
although it was going against my real self.
And these were my exact feelings
when I passed the entrance exam for the Police Academy.
It was a false triumph.
I believed that I could convince society
that I was a "proper man".
And so I started leading a double life.
On the one hand, I tried to play the role
that society constructed and expected of me as a "straight man",
and on the other hand, wrought with guilt,
I searched to satisfy my sexual instincts,
something which was very difficult,
constantly experiencing disappointment,
taunts and contempt from those around me.
And then, the unexpected happened:
I fell in love.
With a man, yes a man,
I found a person, a soul, a heart
and so I decided to escape my misery
and my second parallel life became beautiful,
fills with joy and strength,
and sexual satisfaction which I could not even imagine.
It is then that I decided to contravene everything I knew
and bring my two separate lives together.
But this is a painful step for every homosexual.
I started by telling my friends.
Thousands of stereotypes and prejudices,
what I do in bed, how do I have sex with a man?
All these things that are still unclear to me,
I need to explain to my friends,
the people that I love.
“Elisa, Yanni, Andrea, Costa, I am gay.”
When they got over the initial shock,
my friends realised that I was happy
and that what I had said was natural,
they were just happy to see me happy
and I felt my first huge wave of acceptance.
Yet, the most difficult step lay ahead - my family.
First, my two older sisters whom I love to bits.
“Eri, Nancy, I am gay.”
First came the shock, and then tears, pain and tension.
Yet even they, against all odds, because they loved their brother,
they put to one side everything that society may think of me
and opened their arms wide to accept me.
The hardest part was the next one: my parents.
While was in love with my partner,
I loved him deeply, I slept with him every night,
we travelled together, I longed to be with him every day,
I had to explain it all
to the people who had first taught me, although not conscious of doing it,
to be afraid and live in guilt.
How should I start? How could I explain?
So, I just blurted it out:
“Mum, dad, I am gay.”
How many straight people
have ever heard their mother telling them, in tears,
that she is ashamed of who they are,
that they have ruined her life?
How many straight people
have heard their father say that he wants to die,
that they had dug a grave and thrown him inside?
Why did I have to tear down this wall
and experience such pain and disapproval?
Why did I have to regret
telling the people whom I love most in the world
that I am happy, living with someone and that I am in love?
In time, of course,
my parents realised that nothing had changed,
that I was still the same, and that I was still their son.
Now we have a good relationship which has evolved,
they stand by me and are proud of me.
All the people I mentioned are still standing by me,
full of love, support and pride,
even for the fact that I stand here before you today.
While all this was taking place, I was hanging around people
whose lives were similar to mine,
against all odds, they were happy men and women.
Because I had an in-depth understanding of human rights,
thanks to my studies at Panteion University,
I got transferred to the Department Against Racist Violence,
and attended Council of Europe workshops in order to gain certification
as a Council of Europe official expert on Human Rights,
combating racism and discrimination.
My ultimate aim was to educate and sensitise Greek police officers
on racism and discrimination.
Last August, in Amsterdam,
I took part in the 1st International Convention of LGBT police officers
where 300 lesbian, gay, bi and trans policepersons
from 28 countries, discussed human rights,
racism and discrimination,
both through our personal experience as LGBT police officers,
and as we encountered them in the course of our duties.
All this gave me strength, knowledge and support,
seeing others, in the same line of work as myself,
talking about this bravely and openly,
I had no choice but to follow my own path
and speak up within the Greek Police and society.
I want, as I become more open and honest
in my professional environment and with people around me,
to see my colleagues finding the strength and courage
to talk openly about their lives as LGBT individuals.
I have been in the police force for 13 years now,
I want to be good at my job, honest and real.
I am a man who is attracted
emotionally and sexually by other men.
This is exactly how I would put it, I am not asking for understanding,
I demand what is due to me based on common sense,
on respect towards all human beings,
on respect towards the law
that clearly identifies LGBT people as equal to all others,
and identifies sexual orientation as a protected characteristic
that should be shielded from racism and discrimination.
LGBT rights are part of the Human Rights Agenda
as a person’s sexual orientation
is an element of their human identity
and related to their inherent value and dignity as humans.
Yet LGBT rights are violated all around the world.
LGBT people are beaten, imprisoned
or condemned to death by their country's government;
a recent example are the extermination camps for homosexuals in Chechnya.
Even in more progressive countries,
LGBT people are facing abuse, taunting, discrimination and violence.
This kind of homophobia, expressed as disgust towards LGBT people,
is a sign of a male-dominated world,
a deep-seated patriarchy in our society,
where a man can impose submission
on women, children and any person like me
who questions the eternal male / female categorization.
The Universal Declaration of Human Rights
and a series of international legal documents
protect sexual orientation,
and create a framework of international protection.
The Greek legal system, with a series of articles
identifies sexual orientation as a possible cause of discrimination
and protects it against hate crimes, hate rhetoric
and any form of discrimination, giving them equal rights
across all activities that LGBT people may engage in.
Whereas in Greece,
only a couple of homophobic crimes are reported to police each year,
in Great Britain up to 20 of them are reported daily.
Is it because homophobic attitudes do not exist in Greece?
Quite the opposite, I would say.
Therefore, police must get rid of its conservative approach,
it must open itself to vulnerable social groups
and collaborate with NGOs
to ensure that incidents of racist violence are documented,
so that racist violence becomes visible,
because if a crime is not reported,
its effect cannot be statistically proven
and, most importantly, the perpetrators cannot be brought to justice.
The Greek police force must adopt practices
from other countries, including Europe,
such as the multicultural police units,
where the police hire people from vulnerable social groups:
immigrants, people of different faiths, Romani people and LGBT individuals,
who can act as channels of communication.
The Police Force must set as top priority
the defence of human rights
and the end of racism and discrimination.
Let me take a moment to explain what sexual orientation is.
Sexual orientation is the erotic, romantic, deeply emotional
and sexual attraction towards men, women or both sexes.
Sexual orientation is not just a personal characteristic,
such as age or gender.
Our sexual orientation is expressed by behaviour,
such as hand-holding, kissing, sleeping with someone.
It is the deep emotional need to draw tenderness, love,
and satisfy a deep-seated instinct for companionship.
So, why is it acceptable for heterosexuals
to engage freely in these social actions -
how come we never tell a heterosexual, “We don’t care what you do in bed!”, -
whereas in the case of a homosexual who displays the above social behaviours
and indicates what he does in bed,
we encourage him to hide it and stay in the sidelines.
All the above, my personal story,
racism, the discrimination that LGBT individuals have to endure,
made me stand before you today
and do my own so-called “coming out”.
The very same thing that heterosexuals do all the time,
without fear or shame,
without ever causing hurt or tears to their parents.
They keep telling us
what they are doing, what they want,
how much they like women, they flirt with them openly, everywhere,
sometimes in a suggestive or vulgar way,
doing what we call “coming out.”
So I am standing before you today,
with just as much pride, if not more, without a trace of fear,
to tell you openly that I am a homosexual
and I want you to accept it,
not because the law is forcing you to, but because you understand
that I am a human being who should not have endured all this
and in my face I want you to see all homosexuals,
and appreciate that, regardless of whether it is a matter of choice,
even if it is a choice,
we have every right to live the life we want.
You should also know
that LGBT people are everywhere, even in your own families.
Have you ever given them the chance to open up to you about it?
Have you ever given the opportunity to the people whom you claim to love,
to express themselves, as I am doing today?
Closing, I would like to invite you
to take a look at your own walls,
the walls in which society has enclosed you,
to impose on you the life that you have to live.
I want you to see and tear down these walls
and live the life you choose for yourselves.
Always respecting others, of course.
I want you to see in me
all those people who are afraid,
I know they are afraid.
I want to tell them that I was also afraid
and what I am doing today seemed unattainable.
I want them to be courageous and careful.
And I want you all to allow these people to live,
not to be afraid,
not to go through what I went through,
and I want you to understand that they are human beings,
and if they choose to come out, if you give them the chance,
they should not be taunted, scorned or frowned upon.
And most importantly,
they should not be victims of violence.
They are human beings who have decided to live their lives
and break down the walls with which society has imprisoned them.
They are just human beings who love people of the same sex.
Thank you very much.
(Applause)