How To Speak With Confidence - Speaking With Class - How To Speak Well & Confidently - Talking
Hi!
I'm Antonio Centeno, the founder of Real Men Real Style.
Today, I'm going to be answering the question, "How can a man speak smoothly?"
This was something that came in through our Men's Style Q&A website.
I want to help this gentleman understand how I've learned to speak clearly and concisely,
although as many of you guys know, I go off on rambles.
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Okay, so let's go right to the question.
How can a man talk smoothly?
"Antonio, how might one go about talking like he's dressed well?
In other words, how does one sound classy?
What kinds of things should we make an effort to do and what should we avoid?
What should stay entirely naturally?"
SIX TIPS
Okay, so I've got six tips that hopefully will help you if you're looking to improve
the way you speak more clearly and more concisely and come off as a naturally great speaker.
1.
Practice
There's no way around this.
If you look back at my earlier videos, I don't think I spoke nearly as clearly as I do now.
In fact, I've taken a break from shooting videos and right now, I'm kind of nervous
in front of the camera, but the only way to get rid of that is to practice, to practice,
to practice.
You look at the best athletes.
Look at the best surgeons.
These guys, they don't just go in to a surgery and make it happen after reading books, no.
They walk through this mentally.
I remember reading about one gentleman.
He had some type of setup in which he could go in and he knew exactly where to put his
scalpel and he knew all the crevices that should be in probably a little bit more detail
than you want to know, but in any case, all of these professionals practice, and speaking
is a profession, so treat it as such, respect it, and practice and prepare.
2.
Listen
Listen twice as much as you speak, and this is really important if you're in with a group.
You're at, let's say, a networking event and people don't like the word "networking", but
I think it's very important and I don't look at it as trying to take from others, but actually
finding what you can give to others.
And the best way to discover that is to listen.
Listen to what other people have to say so that you understand where they're coming from.
3.
Ask questions
The other thing is if you listen, you can do what's number three, is you can ask good
questions.
This is counted as speaking and talking with others, but what you're doing is you're really
asking them to speak more, and people love it when you show an interest in them.
Think about anyone that you really like.
Oftentimes, these are people that will spend time with you on the phone, listening to your
problems, to your life.
I mean, one of the things that I probably get in trouble with my wife for quite a bit
is I'm a bad listener.
I admit this and I've really tried to do better, but it's one of those things that maybe men
in general, many of us are bad listeners.
And one of the best ways we can improve the relationships with our wives, with our partners,
is to simply listen to them, not necessarily give them our thoughts and our advice, but
just listen because they want to talk.
4.
Think before you speak
After that, think before you speak, and you probably know people like this who they just
start talking and then they'll say, "Oh, I didn’t even think about that," or, "Things
just roll out of my mouth before I start to think."
I'm not a big fan.
Maybe if you're in a creative environment and somebody's capturing this information
and this is how you brainstorm, but when you're around people, you don't want to be saying
things before you think because what you're going to find is that once you say something,
it's kind of like shooting an arrow.
Once you throw it out there, you can't take it back especially if you say something mean
or hurtful and it doesn’t come off as -- well, it just doesn’t come across right.
5.
Read outside of your expertise
Many of us have an area that we focus in on life.
For me, men's style and clothing and things like that, but many of you may not know, I
love nanotechnology and molecular engineering.
I also spent a number of years in the Marine Corps.
I still read up about World War II and World War I and all the different battles.
I mean, to me, that stuff is just very interesting.
I also try to expand my mind.
Right now, I'm getting really big in the nutrition and health.
I just read a great book by Gary Taubes.
I believe it's "Why We Get Fat".
It just blew my mind.
Any time you can read out something that in a sense expands your mind, that's going to
make you a better speaker because your brain starts to try to process that information
and you're actually looking for an opportunity to ask people their opinion so you're asking
a question, but you've got some good points.
Don't think that watching television, or maybe if you're watching the History Channel or
one of those science channels, but don't think that the daily news is going to give you good
talking points.
Usually, the daily news, it's not there to educate us.
It's there to sell clicks or to sell papers or to keep our attention.
That's why they use all those shock tactics.
Instead, read good old fashion books.
Get a Kindle.
That's a great tool.
6.
Be Sincere
The last thing I'm going to say, number six, is to be sincere and to really understand
the person you're speaking with, whether it's a group, whether it's just one other person.
They're a human being just like you and they have the same feelings.
Have a deep sense of empathy.
I've said this in one of my other videos, but I think if you always look across -- I
know you're on the other side of the camera and there's a human being there.
And realize that all of us go through the same obstacles in life.
We have the same troubles.
It doesn’t matter if you're rich.
It doesn’t matter if you're poor.
We face many of the same problems.
And understanding that, it'll give you better confidence and it'll also make it so that
when you're talking with somebody, when you're listening with somebody, you really form a
deep connection because you actually do care.
Okay, so over on the Men's Style Q&A website, there were some great answers and I don't
want to steal from these guys, so I'm going to give them credit.
Geoffrey, he mentioned, "The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut."
Geoffrey actually talks about the same point I did, which is listen and don't talk as much.
"Don't try to seem classy or suave," he says, "and listen with care or thought.
Good social skills are much less what you're going to say and knowing when not to say anything.
Wait for your moments."
Now, MrModernGentleman, he actually gives a great story about when he went up to speak
with a beautiful woman and how he got basically tongue-tied.
He froze and he almost had to go sit down because he almost blacked out, but he ended
up getting the number because he followed up with her.
I love stories like that, but it basically says you've got to put yourself in the fire.
Think about it, guys, if you want to heat up an iron, you don't put it on the other
side of the room.
You go and you stick that iron right in the fire and it turns red hot.
So realize that if you want to improve, again, you've got to practice, number one.
We've also got Kimblej.
I'm sorry, I just killed that name, but, "The best advice I could give is watch as many
James Bond movies as possible."
Well, there's some advice.
I don't know if that's the best advice.
Maybe watch all those James Bond movies and follow my six points as well.
rmcbrown says, "Pay attention, ask appropriate questions.
I think that showing interest is one of the classiest things that you can do in a conversation."
Okay, gentlemen, there you have it.
Now, if you want to learn more about men's style, not so much about the speaking, but
if you want to learn more about men's style, I've got a free 47-page e-book which I linked
to right down below.
You're also going to be put on my newsletter and twice a week, I put out solid content
about men's style and I would love to see you on it.
Take care, guys.
I will see you in the next video.
Bye-bye.