SPEAKING OF, MY WIFE MOLLY AND I
HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY.
WE DON'T --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU.
WE DON'T KNOW THE BABY'S GENDER,
WE LIKE THAT TO BE A SURPRISE.
I TOOK MY VIDEO CAMON MY PHONE,
WENT TO THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE.
WE DID GET A SURPRISE.
NOT A VERY GOOD SURPRISE.
>> EVERYTHING IS LOOKING GREAT.
THE DOCTOR WILL BE HERE SHORTLY.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: SO THIS IS YOUR
ULTRASOUND.
HOW MANY WEEKS, MOLLY?
>> 28.
>> Jimmy: 28 WEEKS.
AND THIS IS -- I MEAN, WE JUST
GOT TO LOOK AT YOU.
NOTHING COULD RUIN THIS MOMENT.
THIS IS VERY SPECIAL.
REALLY IS.
SO SWEET.
WE CAN'T WAIT --
>> SORRY I'M LATE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?
WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THIS?
>> YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM IF.
>> Jimmy: TELL ME WHAT?
TELL ME WHAT?
>> I'M THE FATHER.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> THE FATHER OF --
>> Jimmy: NO YOU'RE NOT.
THAT WOULD MEAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE
HAD --
>> WELL, DUH.
>> Jimmy: YOU PROMISED YOU WERE
GOING TO STOP [ BLEEP ]ING MY
GIRLFRIENDS!
>> SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S MY WIFE!
THAT'S WORSE, THAT'S ACTUALLY
WORSE!
MOLLY!
>> THIS IS BETWEEN YOU GUYS.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET IN
THE MIDDLE OF THIS, IT'S NOT MY
BUSINESS.
>> Jimmy: OF COURSE IT'S YOUR
BUSINESS!
IT COULDN'T BE MORE OF YOUR
BUSINESS!
IT'S NOT HER BUSINESS.
>> IT'S NOT, YOU KNOW WHAT WE
SHOULD DO, LET THE BABY DECIDE.
>> Jimmy: DECIDE WHAT?
>> HELLO, BABY.
WE DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE A BOY OR
A GIRL.
BUT YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF
DADDIES.
>> Jimmy: RIGHT.
>> AND ONE DADDY COULD BE A EMMY
LOSER.
>> Jimmy: EMMY NOMINEE.
>> SAME THING.
OTHER DADDY COULD BE AN OSCAR
WINNER.
AN OSCAR WINNER, DO YOU WANT TO
PLAY WITH DADDY'S OSCAR?
>> Jimmy: IT WAS A WEAK YEAR.
DO YOU WANT A DADDY BABY WHO
MADE OUT WITH LIBERACE?
>> OKAY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT WAS ACTING.
>> YEAH, ACTING, RIGHT.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> Jimmy: WHO ARE YOU?
>> I'M HER DOCTOR.
>> Jimmy: OH, I'M SORRY,
DOCTOR --
>> I'M THE FATHER.
>> Jimmy: HE'S SAYING HE'S THE
FATHER.
>> THERE'S A SIMPLE WAY TO
SETTLE THIS, DO A TEST.
>> Jimmy: I'LL DO A TEST.
>> I'LL DO A TEST.
>> TODAY ON AN ALL-NEW "MAURY."
JIMMY HAS BEEN MARRIED TO MOLLY
FOR FOUR YEARS.
BUT JIMMY'S MORTAL ENEMY, MATT
DAMON, THINKS HE'S THE FATHER OF
MOLLY'S UNBORN BABY.
>> I'M THE FATHER, JIMMY.
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.
>> Jimmy: BUCKLE IT!
>> ANOTHER OUTRAGEOUS "MAURY" IS
ABOUT TO BEGIN.
>> EVERYONE, WELCOME MOLLY,
MATT, AND JIMMY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
JIMMY BELIEVES HE'S THE FATHER
OF MOLLY'S BABY.
MATT SAYS HE'S THE BABY DADDY.
DY TELL YOU YOU NEEDED A
SCORECARD?
SO DOES THE HOST.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
>> MAURY, THERE'S NO WAY JIMMY
IS THE FATHER OF MOLLY'S BABY,
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A
[ BLEEP ]!
>> Jimmy: IF MATT IS THE FATHER
OF MOLLY'S BABY, I WILL SUE HIM,
I WILL SUE MOLLY, I WILL SUE
MAURY, I'LL SUE THE BABY.
I WILL SUE!
>> SUCH STUPID WORDS.
MATT, WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE
THE FATHER?
PLEASE USE THE LOUDEST VOICE
POSSIBLE.
>> OKAY, IT'S OBVIOUS, ALL
RIGHT?
I WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS.
LOOK AT THE NOSE.
I MEAN, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY MY KID.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT A NOSE,
THAT'S THE BABY'S PENIS, HE
DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A PENIS IS!
HOW IS HE HAVING A BABY?
I DON'T THINK SO, I DON'T THINK
SO!
>> JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A
[ BLEEP ] DOESN'T MEAN --
>> Jimmy: OH!
>> LET'S GET THIS AND FIND OUT
THE RESULTS OF THE PATERNITY
TEST!
>> Jimmy: IS THAT WHY YOU WANTED
MY PEE?
>> NO, THAT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.
MATT, WHEN IT COMES TO MOLLY'S
BABY, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
>> Jimmy: YAY!
YEAH, YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER,
YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
LOOK AT THAT, RIGHT THERE,
THAT'S THE FATHER, YEAH!
YEAH!
WHOO!
WHOA!
THAT'S NOT THE FATHER!
YEAH!
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HAD THAT
MUCH SEX AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET
PREGNANT BY ME.
>> SORRY.
>> Jimmy: YOU DIDN'T, YOU
DIDN'T!
>> WELL, JIMMY, I HAVE A LITTLE
NEWS FOR YOU.
YOU ARE ALSO NOT THE FATHER!
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
OH, OH!
>> AH, AH, AH!
OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH, WHAT'S UP NOW!
WAIT A MINUTE, WHO'S THE FATHER?
>> WHO IS THE FATHER?
>> MOLLY, WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR
UNBORN BABY --
>> GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YOU ARE THE FATHER!
>> Jimmy: WHAT?
>> I'M THE BABY'S DADDY.
COME HERE, COME HERE.
>> Jimmy: IS THIS TRUE?
>> HOW COULD EITHER OF YOU
SATISFY ME WHEN AWE YOU WILL
REALLY WANT IS EACH OTHER?
>> GUYS, IT'S BEEN OBVIOUS FOR
YEARS.
>> EVERYONE KNOWS.
>> TRACY, DID YOU HAVE SOMETHING
ELSE TO TELL SINUS.
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I DO.
I'M PREGNANT TOO.
>> WHAT?
>> WITH MAURY'S BABY!
>> Jimmy: WHOA.
>> WHOA!
>> WHOA, I HATE CHILDREN!
WHEN WE COME BACK, JIMMY FACES
HIS FEAR OF BALLOONS.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO!
>> HE'S A BITCH.
>> YOU ARE.
>> HE'S A BITCH.
>> ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF MAURY,
GUILLERMO THINKS HIS MOM DRESSES
TOO SEXY.
>> MOM, I THINK YOU DRESS TOO
SEXY.
>> I THINK THAT THEY LIKE IT.
>> TOMORROW ON "MAURY."
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO TRACY MORGAN
AND RYAN SHORT.
MATT DAMON HAS A NEW MOVIE CALL
THE "THE GREAT WALL" OPENING