you know she's on top she's like doing
the directions i was all in i was like
look use me as a bop it pull it twist it
kick it whatever you need to do to my
body i'm down to listen hi my name is
trevor wallace and one time i had sex
well let's talk about it this all
happened about three years ago
living in santa monica living it up dude
living in a uh
you know three by three foot room paying
three thousand dollars for rent
so i was crushing it but i had one video
do like a million views so in my head i
was popping around the same
time this girl who went to college with
kind of hit me up out of the blue and
was like hey
i'm in los angeles turns out it wasn't
los angeles
it was glendale so she hits me up and
she goes hey i'm in town
and i don't pick up well on social cues
i was like cool do you need like
food recommendations or something she's
like we should get a drink tonight and
the second she said tequila i was like
oh this is gonna be a freaky kind of
night nobody's ever had a tequila and
just been satisfied with the hand job so
we're at this place we got margarita
we're just chowing down chips and guac
throwing back
shots boom boom boom i think just in
general i was stoked that she reached
out to me
this was the first time we met up
outside of college and quite frankly the
first time we really talked and at one
point i just remember that she was in
the bathroom for like 10 minutes
and when she left i was like i really
like this girl she's pretty cute like we
got good chemistry let's go back to my
place so
we go back to my house and it's one of
those like immediately the door opens
you're just
making out in the hallway which is funny
because my apartment isn't that big
like we could have just taken two more
steps and then been in my bedroom but we
were feeling it for whatever reason we
didn't even make it past uh the closet
you know that's how you know you're
freaky
when the coat closet is getting all the
action it's like oh do get off me
get in the room you have a bed for a
reason so we go into the bedroom and we
start hooking up and i'll be honest man
she was a cute girl very attractive but
she has a body that i didn't even expect
she had a reverse catfish body now i
don't know what to call this
she just had like more like casual
clothes so i don't really know what the
curve situation was looking like
but let's just say i got to unwrap these
christmas gifts
twice okay because i opened up the first
layer see her she's cute
and then she takes her clothes off and
she's got a
body like a body body all right think
about a good body nothing about a better
body that was her i mean you could fit
more than an hour on that hourglass
which was great for me because i feel
like i look like a malnourished
scarecrow
so i was excited man she was hot we're
having fun she's getting into it you
know she's on top she's like doing the
directions
i was all in i was like look use me as a
boppit pull it
twist it kick it whatever you need to do
to my body i'm down i want a woman who
who knows what she wants and i'm down to
listen long story short we hooked up
right it was really good i
really enjoyed it now i know at this
point you're like when's the sex gonna
fail
well guess what nerd it wasn't a sex
fail the sex was great
it's more of just a sexual triumph and
we use this title as click bait
boom at air horns you ever heard of
click bait welcome to 2021
nerd your problems didn't go away insert
eagle graphic
so boom fast forward it's morning and
she's leaving
which look a lot of guys oh man we were
gonna go get eggs benedict
no me excited because i get to lay there
in all of my little sex juice bed and
then
later on my roommate walks in just to
you know with me as roommates do
roommates are never productive when
you're hungover
and he's looking at this thing next to
me he goes
what is that ah what is what
and then he grabs this foreign object
and he holds it up like he just got a
treasure map at the end of a movie it
looks and he just goes
what is this it looks like a hairball
from a cat and then he had this
moment and i've never seen his face just
go so red he goes
oh this is a used tampon and he
takes it
throws it in the air like it's just
supposed to disappear into the icloud
nope that puppy's coming right back down
you know where it came down on
my chest i'm laying there it starts
rolling off i'm doing a little shimmy
shake to get it off of me get it off of
me get it off of me looking like shakira
at the halftime show it kind of just
rolls over and i scoot over so we both
start freaking out a little bit and that
wakes up
roommate number three off the couch and
he comes on in and now he's yelling
we're all making a big commotion and
in doing so one of my roommates just
stops and he goes
look behind me on the wall and of course
don't have a headboard i just want a
head not a headboard hey
leave that in there sure enough he
notices the most perfect
beautiful blood outline of a used tampon
it looked like lebron had a handful of
blood and
threw it in the air before a playoff
game so my brain immediately goes into
connect the dots activity and that's
when it all
clicked i looked at my roommates and i
said this is what went down the only
opportunity i think she would have had
to sneakily do this
is when i was at the end of the bed i'm
taking off my skinny jeans being hot you
know and she's thinking
wow that's that hot guy from the
internet she was so turned on by my one
viral video that she said you know what
i want to make a bloody margarita
tonight it's either now or never and she
reaches down and she's hot hut
hike lobs it back hot route hits the
wall and forgets about it and has a
splendid night boom
call me columbo because this mystery's
been solved
is this wild yes do i respect
the out of her moves double yes
that is a power move beyond place the
body's like uh this week isn't good for
us we're kind of booked and she's like
oh you're about to get booked by
something else
wah pam now might i add my roommates
were freaked out but deep down
i thought it was low-key kind of hot
that she did that you know she
was like this guy is so cool i'm just
gonna go for it
and uh in case you're wondering we
haven't talked since so if you're
watching this
it doesn't need to be awkward i'm pretty
proud hey thanks for watching that video
i'm trevor wallace and if you like that
video with me
go to the page they got a ton of
other videos of me in it so
if you want to see me looking pretty go
to comedy central
you won't regret it
you