In my case, when I am emotionally hurt,
I get exceptionally quiet, far more detached and introspective than my typical aloof nature.
I won't say I am hurt. I won’t say something is bothering me. But, it will be obvious that I am
deeply lost in my own head searching for answers, toying with variables, seeking alternatives,
finding potential solutions... I will emerge from my coma to ask simple,
direct questions in some kind of effort to eliminate tangents of thought that are irrelevant.
Then, I will retreat and return back to evaluating things, finding connections,
and searching for clues that may have been overlooked at the time. Why does this bother
me? Why am I feeling this way? What provoked this reaction? What did I miss? What part
did I play in this misunderstanding? What happened to the plan?! Can this be fixed?
When I can mentally organize all of that tangled knot of emotion... then, we can
talk. That process might take minutes. It might take weeks. I might have nothing to say at all,
accept that what's done is done, learn from it, and just move on. It's all situational.
At any rate, understanding the problem pales in comparison to finding a suitable resolution.
Stress, drama, anxiety, and all of the blame game garbage solves nothing and, instead,
effectively shines a spotlight on petty insecurities. Pointless waste of time.
For me to have my feelings provoked enough that I had to stop and think about things?
It would require an unwelcome surprise from somebody I knew well and trusted.
I don't get upset very easily. Little things don't bother me much. I am very clear with
expectations. I am open to a fair compromise. If something is beginning to bother me,
I will communicate my concerns. If reasonable justification is
offered... no harm is done. It will be quickly disregarded. Agree. Move on.
Selfishness? Betrayal? Being disrespecting of my time, energy, efforts, or resources?
Taking advantage of my generosity? Yeah. I will let you know how and why I am disappointed.
If the problem keeps happening? Or... expands. Well, I have some thinking to do.
What follows will not be an enjoyable conversation.
I often struggle with expressing positive emotions, so I certainly know that handling
negative ones is a definite weakness. I worked very hard to avoid this! Isn't this
why we communicate? Isn't this why we mutually agree on a compromise and share expectations?
Isn't this why there is a plan?! I'm not intentionally being rude
or condescending. I made the effort and did my part, right? Where's the reciprocation?
Want compassion, flexibility, and understanding? Well... the opportunity for that comes much
earlier in the process. Too late now. If having any expectation of honesty or
integrity from you makes me wrong to be upset? Unreasonably demanding? Cold and heartless?
Well... at least you know why I'm lost in thought. That is a tough riddle to solve!
You will see that I am hurting long before I say a single word. And,
no... I don't want to talk about it until I finish thinking things through a few times.
Getting internally stuck and contemplating how to deal with emotional baggage can be difficult.
Rationalizing feelings is hard work! Especially when the stressful occurrence is a complete
surprise. I don't like having to encourage people to do their part. I don't like things not going
as planned. I don't like surprises. I struggle with negative emotions because I have a mind
that is objectively logically based. If I am doing something wrong, not
meeting expectations, not being respectful, not communicating... tell me. Give me an opportunity
to understand your perspective and compromise. Stress and drama are optional. I enjoy the
tranquility. If you are quiet, I am thinking you are content. Being a visionary type of person does
not make me telepathic. I need hints before I can do what comes naturally... make things better!
Open communication is the solution. Hurt and disappointment can be two of the many consequences
of not working together towards a common goal. Hurting from unexpectedly losing a close friend
or family member? That kind of pain totally destroys me. It takes a long time and an insane
amount of effort to even begin the process of grief or acceptance. I have a huge heart
hiding behind a million shields of self-defense. The pain gets trapped inside, because I have a
very hard time trusting people to share that burden. Emotions are complicated like that.