[audience oohing]
Charlotte! Glad you're here.
I don't know if you're a guacamole fan,
but I made this pretty awesome bowl of my own...
[ceramic shattering]
[audience laughing]
Hey! If you don't wanna try my guacamole I'll--
[yelling]
[groaning]
[yelling]
I'm okay.
Guys, a little help here.
Woah, Charlotte what's wrong with you?
How come you're--
[yelling]
Okay, Schwoz, you talk to her.
[audience laughing]
[yelling]
[audience laughing]
What are you doing?
Ssh, I want her to think I'm dead.
[audience laughing]
Hello. I'm how you say,
a plumber, from Italy.
Wait, you're a plumber?
Yes, I am a plumber. See my tools?
[audience laughing]
Yeah. You're not going to believe this,
but we need a plumber.
Right now.
Oh, well, I suppose I could take a looksee.
- Really? That'd be so great. - Our sink is right over there.
Okay. You know where I come from, which is Italy...
[audience laughing]
they call a sink a sinkatoni
because that's like the word sink,
but with some more letters on the end.
[yelling] What's happening?
Good lord! I don't know.
[yelling]
It's shooting fire on the sink!
What are you guys doing?
[groaning]
Hey! Welcome!
Hi!
Uh, hey. What uh... Where'd you come from?
[groaning]
Is that a Theranos Boot?
Like the one Theranos wears in "Eternity War"?
I love that movie.
It's not
- Turn coming. - I can't even right now.
It is the Theranos Boot from "Eternity War".
- What? - No way!
Beautiful!
How did you even get that?
This thing should be in the Museum of Awesome Things
From Awesome Movies.
Oh it was headed to MATFAM,
so the whole world could enjoy it.
But then I bought it,
so now only I can enjoy it.
Kind of a jerk move, but I wanna put it on.
[all yelling]
Only three people can touch this boot.
Me, myself
and Aisha Thompson, who of course played Theranos in th.
That's not fair.
I am explosively mad.
Sorry. This boot is too valuable.
I know you all have been messing with my crate.
[all muttering]
That's right, look at the ground and mutter.
[audience laughing]
And just know that no one
is allowed to touch my Theranos Boot...
Ever.
Got it?
[audience laughing]
Now I've gotta go pick up a nuclear-proof display case.
I trust you all...
- Aw, really? - Yeah, thanks.
...to understand that
if any of you so much as touch that boot, I will end you.
[audience laughing]
End you.
[audience laughing]
We're touching that boot, right?
That's right, Mary.
The big question is who's going to be 11?
[audience laughing]
[music playing]
What do you think?
Anything is better than what you look like before.
Hey!
You asked me what I thought.
[screaming]
Eric!
[groaning]
[audience laughing]
Schwoz! Your dumb computer just lasered my sword.
Yeah, 'cause your sword was about to kill Jasper.
But HAL-E saved him.
Thanks, HAL-E.
Don't thank me. Thank Schwoz fr creating me. He's a genius.
I bet you say that to all your programmers.
Only the cute ones.
[audience laughing]
Hmm. Anybody else getting real uncomfortable?
[alarm sounding]
Oh, my God. Emergency alert.
Okay, guys.
Now, remember, it's probably not aliens,
but just in case... Ah! An Alien! Kill it with fire!
No, no! Captain Man, it's me, the commissioner.
Uh, he doesn't look like an alien.
Worse. Swellview's new police commissioner.
Been dodging this guy's calls for weeks.
Or blame it on us, like you usually do.
- Good idea. - No.
Hey buddy!
Cappy!
[laughing]
I've been trying to call you for weeks!
Haven't you got any of my voicemails?
Shout Out lost my phone.
Every time.
No biggie, my guy.
All right.
Now that I got this sweet spotlight,
I can contact you any time.
What about during the day?
[audience laughing]
A tiger and her babies are depending on you.
I'd bring it myself but by now
the tranquilizers are affecting me.
And I'm probably playing piano and dressed like a peacock.
Schwoz, I can't go to the zoo.
[playing dramatic piano interlude]
That's right, a peacock,
and don't forget,
precious baby tigers are depending on you.
All the x's and all the o's. Schwoz.
[laughing]
Okay, okay. I'm just gonna go to the zoo,
drop off this tiger tranquilizer,
not get kissed by my best friend and then leave.
[audience laughing]
[beeping]
Up the tube.
Lay some of that sweet sax on me, giant moth.
You got it, Schwoz.
[smooth jazz sax solo playing]
Anastasia, turn off the lights.
Da.
[groaning]
Anastasia! Turn on the daylight!
Oh, she's only programmed to respond to my voice.
Anastasia, it's me, Regina.
I'm left handed and I make wigs. Turn on the lights.
That's a terrible impression.
It's not that bad, but no.
This is what I sound like.
Anastasia, play creepy stalking music.
[music playing]
Regina, you don't have to do this.
Oh, but I do.
You see, once upon a time, I had beautiful hair,
but I was involved in a horrible barber shop tragedy
that left me stuck with this awful haircut permanently.
But, can't you just get a new haircut?
I said permanently.
And if I have to live with a bad haircut, so does everybody.
Including you.
[screaming]
[groaning]
Anastasia! Turn the lights back on!
Da.
[groaning]
[screaming]
Each kid gets a million bucks in a banger of an education.
Much better than this dump.
Hey!
What kinda gifted school is run
by an old bald guy in a wheelchair?
I am now!
Oh, pipe down, Mr. Clean.
[yelling]
[crashing]
Oh! My hair!
This school can keep its license,
but I'm never sending any other students here again.
[audience applauding]
Now come on, beans and toast, time to Brexit.
[audience laughing]
Hey. What you got there?
Special gum for a special occasion.
Vice mayor said you guys have to look extra fancy tonight.
I think these will do the trick.
Oh, it's just terrible.
Yeah, it tastes like uh...
Like uh... Like butt.
Yes. Can't quite put my finger on it.
- It's like butt. - Butt.
It's Schwoz's recipe.
I just mixed the ingredients and turned the gum maker on.
Oh, did you mix in some butt?
[laughing]
Just blow a bubble.
I put some butt in there.
- Sorry? - Just a little.
[energy fizzling]
[audience applauding]
Ooh!
What? They look hot.
[audience laughing]
- He's right. - I mean he's not wrong.
Great. Then you should blend right in.
[bongos playing]
Why you wearin' tuxedos you gunchers?
Because we received incorrect information sir.
[audience laughing]
Nice dude, you just admitted to being a gunch.
I think they knew.
[bongos continuing]
What are you doing?
I'm just shining this glass.
[auditory shock playing]
Yeah. Well, references to old movies
aren't going to help me write the great American meme.
You could try taking an axe and smashing the door
to Henry's bedroom and hurting him.
[audience laughing]
Uh...
I don't know if I should hurt Henry.
Come on.
Okay.
[audience laughing]
I'll hurt him. You got an axe?
I got this.
[guitar interlude playing]
Good enough.
[audience laughing]
Hey, wait a second. I thought we were alone in this house.
[shocked sighing]
[chuckling]
Oh boy. I really have gone crazy.
[audience laughing]
Come play with us, Henry.
Sure. As long as it's not Fortnite I'm in.
[audience laughing]
[knocking]
Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!
Okay! Come on in.
- Are-- - Door's unlocked.
- You-- - Just turn the handle dude.
Scared yet?
[audience laughing]
No, I'm not.
Are you for real?
Well, I'm sorry.