What every man needs from his wife?
This was actually a title that is
suggested
and I'm happy to speak about it. My name
is Paul Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation
and the foundation is nonprofit. We're
here to serve you if you have a
detailed question, you'd like to send in.
It's a free service.
You can write to our counselors and I'll
give you an answer.
And it won't be like the one I'm going
to give you now because it'll be more
tailored. So this question of what every
man needs from his wife
is a really good question for both wives
and husbands. Typically, the question
comes from a wife
who is feeling a little bit insecure in
her marriage
and she wants to know, what is it that my
husband actually wants, what does he need?
So we're going to address this, we're
going to address it sort of in a big
picture
way. Meaning,
what do men in general want from their
wives?
And we're also going to address it in
more detail
and I'm not even going to bother telling
you
what typical therapists would suggest
because they don't really understand
marriage. I'll be honest with you
that I used to be a divorce mediator so
I used to get
clients. They were all referred to me
by therapists, by marriage therapists who
couldn't help them.
So there's a body of knowledge
in marriage, we don't even know about
that. We don't learn about that
and even the diverse number of
premarital education courses that you
take or
meeting with someone really doesn't get
into the reality
that you need to be educated about
marriage. Marriage is sort of complex
and this question, in particular, is a
very very important question to ask..
It's a great question to ask
because it drives at what's missing in
most marriages.
A game plan by asking the question,
you have a game plan. The answer provides
a game plan. What do
men need in their marriage? The wife goes,
"Aha! I will do this, and this, and this
to give my husband what he wants."
Now in our world today, let's be honest,
most people don't care about what other
people want.
But in marriage, if you want it to be
successful and who doesn't,
should be the highest priority is to
take care of your spouse.
If you're the husband and you're asking
this question
just to see if you're on track, it
doesn't matter.
You should be thinking about what our
wives need.
What does your wife need? Now, what do
husbands need?
So let's go back to the question
and ask another question, not a follow-up
but the original question
should be, why did your husband
get married? Why did you get married?
If you're the wife. Why does everyone get
married?
Most of us don't think about it.
We’re not educated about this in our
school system or at home
so most people when you ask that
question, why did you get married? They
say, "Well, I
found the person I loved." No, no, no. I'm
not asking that.
Why get married at all? Well, that's what
you do,
that's usually literally because in my
practice, I always ask that question.
Literally, most people get married
because it's what you do.
It's not a really good reason to get
married
but subconsciously, everybody gets
married for the same reason
to be happier. And
how do you achieve that, what kind of
happiness are you talking about?
Because if you're looking for material
happiness
then you should get an amazing job so
you could accumulate wealth,
so you could get the things that you
want but marriage is a spiritual
proposition.
Marriage is all about love.
Love by definition is spiritual.
You can't touch it. You can't see it,
taste it blah blah blah. It's
spiritual. Now a therapist, I mentioned
them before will tell you that love is
an
abstract thought. It's an emotion. No,
it's not an emotion. It's certainly not
an abstract thought.
Abstract means it's just nebulous, it's
created.
An emotion is a part of the mind
but you know you have a heart.
Everyone does. You're a soul, of course
you have a heart
and what do you feel? Love.
What is the one thing that you would
trade
anything for is that feeling
of love. Unconditional love
is the most glorious form of love
because there are no strings attached.
And when you got married,
when your spouse got married,
they may not have said so consciously.
They may not have even
thought so consciously but they were
looking
for this container. I call it the sacred
space of
marriage in which they and you
can experience unconditional love.
You can give it and receive it without
inhibition.
A lot of people have come down to
the proposition that you can do that
with
sex. And sure, you can have sex in your
marriage
but sex without love is purely material.
It doesn't reach the standard
that brings the joy,
the unbelievable ever-increasing
happiness
that is attainable in marriage.
So here's the question and here's the
answer. The question is,
what do most husbands want
in their marriage? And the answer, two
parts.
One, they want to experience
unconditional love
and you can help provide that.
And two, they want experience
incredible happiness. When you get
married
the reasonable expectations and
goals should be forever increasing
happiness, and I mean on a daily basis,
and ever-expanding love. Again,
on a daily basis. Those are the two
reasons why we all get married
and that's what men are seeking in
their marriage. If yours isn't delivering,
it's not your fault. We're not educated
to do that.
My first two books are all about
sort of the standards that one should
anticipate, expect
and move towards in marriage
both Breaking the Cycle and Lessons for
a Happy Marriage.
Go into detail about what you should and
shouldn't expect,
how to achieve it, how to do it.
Now, if you're searching this particular
title then your marriage probably isn't
in deep trouble. If it were then you
would need
one of the courses that we have which
pushes you right onto the
path towards a successful marriage but
that isn't what you need.
For sure, you should be signing up
for this channel
so that you can learn as much as you can
about marriage.
Learn and apply -- that's what you should
be doing.
Marriage is a system that has
certain mechanical aspects to it
that you need to learn about to put it
all together
to have a great marriage. So subscribe,
learn about marriage, and expect
an amazing marriage. Do not expect
anything less, and if you're not getting
it don't
leave your marriage. Learn how
to make your marriage amazing because
that's what it should be,
that's what I'm here to tell you. All
right. Blessings to you and your spouse,
and take care!