(upbeat guitar music)
- It's Set List's Stand-Up Without a Net,
live from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival!
Comedians from around the world are coming onstage,
and they're gonna riff on topics we gave 'em.
Zero preparation, making comedy outta thin air,
for your sadistic pleasure.
Will you welcome the never-before-seen set list
of the brilliant Mr. Ronny Chieng!
- Hi everybody, thanks for coming down.
I love being in Edinburgh.
Let's start with the jokes, whoa.
(laughter)
So, I love children's stories.
Children's stories, they recently remade
Wizard of Oz, you guys know that one?
With James Franco?
What's it called, The Great and Powerful Oz?
Well, guess what?
He was great and powerful and racist, alright?
That fucking asshole.
This guy, we're talking about a guy who lives in the city,
all green. That's it.
Just green, if you're not green, get the fuck out.
Guess what? If you're not green, you gotta wear sun glasses,
gotta wear emerald glasses just to make sure you look green.
'Cause you can't, they can't deal with it.
They can't deal with it if you don't look green.
What the fuck's up with that?
(laughter)
Where's the diversity in Oz?
The Emerald City, sorry.
Where's the diversity in Emerald City?
Hey look, we're not all born green, alright?
Not everyone can be green all the time.
I'm not green, right?
I'm yellow, right?
You gotta work with what you have.
You shouldn't be discriminated on based on your skin color,
or your choice of precious gem, right?
(laughter)
Maybe you're not an emerald guy.
Maybe you're...
What's a precious gem? Maybe you're a...
- Sapphire!
- Sapphire guy, thank you. Thank you so much.
(laughter)
No, seriously, thank you.
So...
Yeah, so the message is don't be a big-time racist.
Wizard of Oz, come on man.
You can give the lion a heart, you can't give yourself a...
Education? I don't know what.
Give yourself a...
Oh, if he only had a brain and he wasn't racist.
Where's that song? I wanna hear that song.
I wanna hear the anti-racism Wizard of Oz song.
(quiet laughter)
I should've ended it.
I should've ended it on sapphire, I know.
Sapphire is up.
You see every joke has like a peak and a...
And a not-peak. Alright?
Alright!
(audience cheers)
So uh, yeah.
Everyone here is a fan of Doctor Who I'm assuming?
It's a UK uh...
This is the UK.
(laughter)
I don't know, is that racist for me to assume everybody
in the UK loves Doctor Who?
This is a bit of a problem,
because I don't actually watch Doctor Who,
but I know enough about it to know what a TARDIS is.
So there you go.
That's why you gotta stick with pop culture guys,
you'll never know when you're onstage,
you gotta talk about some shit you don't even know.
Yeah, well, I don't know about you,
but when I watch Doctor Who,
I watch this guy zipping around, right?
And he goes from place to place, right, in his phone booth?
Am I right here?
(laughter)
No, seriously, am I right?
Alright. And he zips around, and you wonder, man, this guy,
there should be an app for that.
There should be an app for the TARDIS.
This way you know, like a review.
You know, like the Fringe app,
that crashes every five seconds?
(audience cheers in agreement)
My point is, when I see this guy zipping around
in his TARDIS, I'm like,
"dude, there should be an app for that."
There should be an app to tell you
what you're about to enter into.
How many stars, right?
You can do it like Urbanspoon,
or sorry like Trip Advisor, right?
(laughter)
I wish I could talk intelligently about either of those.
I don't use Trip Advisor, so I don't know.
I'm a Urbanspoon guy.
What do you guys use, Yelp?
Can we have a TARDIS Yelp app?
So anyway, the TARDIS Trip Advisor, alright so,
it will list out where you're going,
yeah, I know, dude, I know, I hear you.
(laughter)
So the TARDIS Trip Advisor will tell you
where you're going next,
what aliens you might meet on this particular journey,
what your ratings are, right,
how long your lifespan is
until the next Doctor Who comes and takes your place,
right,
how popular you are at any given episode,
so that as soon as your popularity just falls down,
they can just throw in the next Doctor Who in there, right,
that should be, I'll pay money for that app.
If I was Doctor Who, I'd pay two pounds for that app.
Thanks all, you guys have been great.
(upbeat guitar)
(ambient beat)