- Right, like the state motto
of an east coast state,
like the state motto of New Hampshire
is, "Live Free or Die!"
(audience laughter)
That's a very intense state motto.
All right, if you're from New Hampshire,
and you're living there,
at some point, you have to start questioning.
Like how far do we take this?
All right, because I'm feeling
a little imprisoned by this
post office line right now.
And I don't know, man,
maybe we should live out our state motto here!
(audience laughter)
Or like the state motto of
Pennsylvania, or Massachusets,
it's like, another east coast state,
it's like something in Latin.
It's like, "Liberty, but only by the sword
or I'll chop your head off." Right?
It's like Game of Thrones book titles.
It's a dead language.
I'm paraphrasing. Right?
And then you move west,
and people calm the fuck down a bit.
Like you move southwest to Tennessee,
and the state motto of Tennessee is
"Agriculture and commerce"
(audience laughter)
Compared to "Live free or die!"
(audience laughter)
Agriculture and commerce
isn't even a call to action.
(audience laughter)
Like it's not even, "Let's do
agriculture and commerce."
There's no verb in that motto.
Do you understand?
It means that there's no action word.
So the sentence has no direction.
It's just concepts.
(audience laughter)
It's like everyone got to Tennessee
and they're like, "Oh my god, the sun here is awesome!"
Yeah, agriculture and uh, (grumbles) commerce.
Yeah, figure it out.
But not today.
Then you move further west southwest to Texas, right?
And the state motto of Texas is,
does anybody here know what the state motto
of Texas is by any chance?
I won't make fun of you if you get it wrong.
Lone star state? Good guess.
That's wrong.
(audience laughter)
Anyone else?
- [Woman] "Don't tread on me."
- "Don't tread on me," great guess.
That's wrong.
(audience laughter)
"Remember the Alamo" bad guess.
That's wrong.
(audience laughter)
Really? You're going to let this
fucking foreigner teach you about your country?
All right, your President's not going to like that.
But that's the energy, right?
What? Grab your guns.
Don't fuck with Texas.
Don't mess with Texas.
Everything's bigger in Texas.
Build a wall.
Fuck your mom.
No. The state motto of Texas...
is "Friendship."
(audience laughter and applause)
Yo! The state motto of Texas is the opposite
of every commonly held connotation of the state.
That's a major failing on the PR department.
(laughter)