♪ Catherine Zeta Jones ♪
♪ She dips beneath lasers ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ You got to, you got to, you got to ♪
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Woo, let's do this, boys!
Looking swole, looking good, good luck out there.
I believe in all of us.
We're all gonna take a trophy home.
- You the mascot for the competition or something?
- Are you the mascot for the competition or something?
Do we have beef already, dude?
- Just be careful out there, all right?
- Careful? I never am.
Woo!
(Adam groaning)
- Welcome to
the Tri-Valley Amateur Bodybuilder's Competition.
Give it up for our contenders.
(audience applauding) (triumphant orchestral music)
- Dude, that's Barry.
I sold that guy a garbage bag full of growth hormones.
Aye, you're looking huge, Barry!
- [Anders] Wow, this is pathetic.
Adam looks like a baby man up there.
(heavy metal music)
(Adam yelling)
- Please welcome to the stage our next contestant.
He's 5'8", weighing in at 240 pounds,
well, that can't be right.
Adam "The Snake" Roberts DeMamp!
- All right. - Here we go.
(chill hip hop music)
(Adam grunting)
(Adam making weird noises)
- You know what, I stand corrected.
The guy is a showman.
- [Karl] His body is looking tight.
(audience laughing)
(Adam grunting) (audience laughing)
- Okay, that's not good.
- What are you laughing at?
I'm yoked!
- Don't laugh at my friend.
Okay, only I laugh at my friend.
He's got like 10 times more the bravery than you.
I don't see you with your shirt off.
You probably got big, dark nipples.
Adam, you keep doing what you're doing, bud.
No, no, no, they're laughing out of respect.
It's a respect laugh.
Howie Mandel gets them all the time.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- [Blake] Oh, hey, what's up, Adam.
You are looking straight jacked, dude.
- I can't go to Hedonism.
I'm not gonna have a good time, I won't get laid.
- What, why? - Why is that?
- Because my dick fell off! (everyone laughing)
Oh, just kidding, I tucked it back,
it actually hurts a lot.
My dick's back here though. ♪ Got to be fresh ♪
Hey Blake, film me. - Film what?
I'm gonna
♪ Ride the stairs and get pitted ♪
♪ So pitted ♪
- What'd you do?
(Adam yelling and groaning)
- Tell me you got the footy on that one.
- No, not at all, I didn't even have my phone out.
You got to wait til I have my phone.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Welcome to "DeMamp Camp Fully Insured".
On this new edition,
I'll be showing you a brand new exercise
that I just created using my own brain and intelligence.
It's called the Roof Fly Delt Pump.
Basically, you get a running start,
pump your delts so hard that you come to a nice soft landing
because you've just flown for a few seconds.
Let's do this!
(Adam screeching) - Here we go, yeah!
(Adam groaning) - Oh, Adam!
- Blake, we get it?
This next exercise, your bis might turn into tris,
or your tris might turn into God knows what.
Are you ready?
(Adam groaning) (everyone groaning)
(screaming) My shoulders!
- We got to get you to a hospital!
- I'm gonna pop them back into place!
I'm gonna pop them back!
(groaning) I made it so much worse!
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Hey guys, hey guys.
- Don't have sex with the Dodge Dart.
- I'm gonna dunk off the Volvo!
- [Anders] Hey, dude.
- [Alice] Oh, watch the sunroof.
(everyone groaning) (Alice giggling)
- And one.
My nuts just ruptured. - What an idiot.
It's out of the pouch. ♪ Got to be fresh ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
(Adam crashing)
- [Adam] Oh!
- Every year!
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- [Blake] DeMamp (indistinct), what up, bro?
Are you ready to rip?
- I'm ready to rip!
Actually, I'm very nervous.
I don't think I'm wearing enough padding,
but I will die for you guys.
- Freaking rock on.
Ders, light it up, lets do this.
- Ready to go? Little worried.
- Ow!
- Woo. Oh God! - You got this, DeMamp!
- Ders, punch it.
We're about to hit the jump.
(Adam screaming)
- Whoa, dude!
How did you land that, dude?
Blake, tell me you got the shot.
- I got it, oh (yelling). Ow!
- I mean, I knew today was gonna end with an ambulance ride,
I just didn't think Blake would be the one in it.
- What's that's supposed to mean?
- Means you're always getting hurt.
- Yeah right, Ders, I get hurt all the time.
- Dude, hey! ♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- The thing everyone hates about Anders
is his disrespect for women.
He treats chicks like second grade citizens
and they're not.
Natalie Portman went to Harvard and she's smart as shit.
She's super smart.
- How did you get in here?
- If I were Anders,
I'd punch you in the face for asking something like that.
But I'm not.
Thank God I'm Adam and I love women, all women.
All shapes and sizes, I just love them.
Love them.
Blake asked me the other day how to spell "if".
Gonna trust that level of smartness
with a multi-thousand dollar corp?
- Adam, I think we're done.
- Oh, and Alice, it's I-F.
I, if you didn't know.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Hey. - What do you want?
- I just want to let you know that you're not alone.
We're here for you.
I'm here for you.
- Have you made any sales today?
- Ooh, you are angry.
I like that.
If I got divorced I'd probably be pretty angry too.
First I'd have to get married,
but then I'd get divorced.
You need to get back on the man horse, right.
'Cause I think I know a certain horse man
that might want to take you out for a trot.
- Are you seriously hitting on me right now?
(Adam neighing)
- No, I'm not.
That was my horse impression saying no.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Ow.
- I know.
The one day we need to focus and she had to temp.
- Don't mind me,
I'll just be here with my breast and boobs
being a girl as hot as possible.
Freaking Austrians, like land down under.
- And you know she just dates the hottest dudes of all time.
- If you don't want to date me, that's fine, I get that.
But you're wrong and I hate you.
- Let her date the underwear models
and the pro surfers, okay.
I'm sorry if we're real people.
- We're real. - So real.
- We're the realest people. - I know.
- I'm sick of beautiful people
who don't have to work for their beauty
when I'm over here sweating my balls off
for all this beauty.
And you can hardly tell some days.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
(Adam grunting) (woman gasping)
- Dang it.
- I'm so sorry.
- Hey. - Hey.
- You dropped this.
Did you...
(both giggling)
Oh, wow.
Really got something there.
- You really got something there with that body, girl.
(woman laughing) (Adam laughing)
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Your Honor,
I do declare that we have a star witness
that we would like to call to the stand.
- To the what?
- To the stand.
- I don't understand a word you're saying.
- To the stand, to the stand.
- And we all were just screaming "Montez, stop,"
and he just continued to squeeze the life
out of the poor little girl scout's dalmatian.
It was disgusting.
- What?
- Could we get back to the case?
- Your Honor,
we are just here to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth about a vile and disgusting man
who is trying to ruin our party.
- Could you use your regular voice, please?
- This young lady knows where I'm coming from.
Don't you, doll?
- Huh?
- Do you like pool parties, miss?
- Yeah.
- And are you available this Saturday,
and may I remind you, you are under oath.
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Whoa.
Just the boo I was looking for.
- Where you going?
- Just a little hug-a-roo for ya.
- I'm sorry, do I know you?
- (laughing) No, we know each other.
Last year, in the stairwell, we,
underneath the shirt, over the bra maneuv from the backside.
I like, I'll say that.
- I was drunker than I thought.
- Yeah, most def.
So, what has been popping off in your world?
I'm super interested.
- Look, I don't want to be rude, okay,
but last year was a gigantic mistake.
- Oh yeah, most def, for sure.
- You're like a five. - Yeah.
- And I'm looking for more of like a nine or a 10.
- Oh yeah, nine, 10, for sure, yeah, most def.
- Tall, rich, handsome, can quote funny movies.
- Funny movies?
"Yeah, baby, yeah."
"It's nice."
♪ Got to be fresh ♪
- Oh, hello.
Look what we have here.
- Whoa, what the hell.
- Mm, jealousy does not look good on you.
- Who are you?
- Do this maneuv ring any bells?
Stairwell?
Oh wait, there's no bra here, and I like that much better.
- This is so weird.
- My tits are telling me to sleep with you.
- Mm, I like what your tits have to say.
- So do I. ♪ Got to be fresh ♪
♪ I don't care if your drunk and you're toothless ♪
♪ I don't care if your body stinks ♪
♪ I don't care that you live in an alley ♪
♪ 'Cause them titties make my heart sing ♪
♪ I don't care if you eat from a dumpster ♪
♪ I don't care that you beg for change ♪
♪ I don't care that I don't really know you ♪
♪ 'Cause them titties make my heart insane ♪
♪ I want to suck ♪
♪ Suck on your boobs ♪
♪ Maybe some kisses ♪
♪ And back to the boobs, whoa ♪
♪ Let them say what they want ♪
- Are we gonna do this, (indistinct)?
- So you have a wonky eye too.
Okay, (indistinct).
♪ What, whoa, yeah ♪
- (grunting) What are you looking at?