- People write to me all the time and say,
you know I feel so empty inside.
I'm so empty that I'm a binge eater.
I'm so empty that I'm a compulsive shopper.
I'm so empty that I'm a hoarder.
What they try to do quite understandably
is fix the symptom.
I gotta stop eating all those cakes.
I gotta stop buying all that stuff.
I've gotta stop hoarding but that's just a symptom
of this feeling of being empty inside.
(upbeat music)
Many of my clients with eating issues
will put their hand on their stomach,
oh, I just I just feel so empty.
I never feel full.
And so in my 33 years I discovered something
I thought was fascinating and it is that
almost all my clients without exception don't feel enough.
They may be a millionaire, a movie star, politician,
an Olympic athlete, they may be a schoolteacher,
they may be a city worker, doesn't matter who they are
or where they are in their life.
They may be stunningly beautiful, they may feel
not beautiful at all.
But all these people have the same issue,
I'm not enough.
And here's the truth, when you think you're not enough,
you can't get enough.
If you feel not enough, if you feel empty inside
there isn't enough to fill you.
There aren't enough cakes or potato chips,
there isn't enough alcohol or drugs or products you can buy,
there isn't enough praise, there isn't enough love
to fill you up when you feel empty inside.
You know Marilyn Monroe, one day her psychiatrist said,
Marilyn, what is going on with you?
You know I've got a picture of you sewn into this dress
with no underwear dancing in front of all these GIs
and really, what's that all about?
And she said, I can on this quote it word for word,
she said, I need everyone to love me.
I'm not lovable.
There isn't enough love in the world.
I have never been loved for me
and I feel like I never will be
so I need everyone to love me.
I thought that was so telling.
What she was saying is, I don't feel lovable.
I need everyone out here to love me
but it doesn't really go in
'cause I still don't feel lovable.
I'm trying to make people out there love me
'cause I don't know how to love me.
And other people say a similar thing.
I'm trying to buy loads of stuff out there
to fill the emptiness in here.
I'm hoarding all this stuff.
I go to car boot sales and come back with carry bags
and then I'm going, if I have all this stuff,
I must feel enough.
And I tell them the truth.
Look, look at all the stuff you have, all that clutter,
all that stuff.
If that could make you feel enough
it would've done it by now.
If one candy bar can't make you feel enough,
why do you think ten will?
So, when you feel empty inside,
here's how to fix it forever
because it's not a real emptiness.
That void isn't real avoid you think is here is here.
So, first of all, you start by going,
I am enough.
Sounds silly doesn't it but I have a movement,
the I am Enough Movement, join it.
Say, I'm enough.
If you are a binge eater, this is what works,
you're just about to do that hand to mouth,
eating popcorn, taco chips, candies
and you just go, I'm enough.
I don't need more.
I don't need this because I'm enough.
You might think, well that's not true.
If I was enough, I'd be taller, thinner, richer, prettier,
I'd be with someone.
If I'm so great, I wouldn't be single.
I know you think that but if you keep saying, I'm enough,
you won't be single.
So, the first way to deal with that feeling of emptiness
is to say, I'm enough.
I don't need more stuff.
I need more praise.
If you're about to go and max out your credit card again,
just stop and go, you know I'm enough.
Everything I'm about to buy is 'cause of how
it will make me feel.
Without exception everything you want, everything
is because of how it will make you feel
and when you get the feeling without buying the stuff,
you've already won.
You know 70% of lottery winners get rid of all of that money
because it doesn't ever make them feel enough.
In fact, often it makes them feel worse.
I didn't have money, now I've got lots of money
but I don't know who my friends are.
I've moved away to this big mansion and I'm all alone.
And many people say winning the lottery was a curse,
not all but many.
So, tell yourself you're enough.
If you're about to buy stuff, ingest stuff, take stuff,
do stuff, say to yourself, I don't need this.
The feeling I'm gonna get from this I can get it anyway.
So, I want you first of all to write it on your mirror
in lipstick, in eyeliner, in marker pen
and then I want you to put the words I'm enough
into your computer passwords somewhere.
Obviously, squiggle, dots, lowercase, uppercase.
Don't make a hackers life easy but write it on your mirror,
put it on your fridge in fridge magnets,
make sure that all of your passwords contain
a combination somewhere of I'm enough
'cause what's gonna happen is you're going to write it,
you're going to read it, you're going to see it.
And when you write it, read it, see it,
the mind learns by repetition.
When you bombard yourself with the words, I'm enough,
when it's on your fridge,
on your mirror when you're cleaning your teeth,
when you're typing out every day to open up your phone,
to open up your email,
when it's there when it's printed on the pillow
you go to sleep on and wake up on,
when it's on your cushion,
when you have it like I do on bracelets,
on all these bracelets,
when you have it maybe on your underwear,
maybe a little tattoo, when it's there,
when it's one little sticker on your computer keyboard,
when it's the message on your phone alerts
that pings twice a day, I'm enough,
after a while that sinks in.
Your mind doesn't question, it lets it in.
So, these are the three ways to get rid of emptiness
that is emotional, illogical but feels so painful.
Write it, speak it, read it.
I don't care if you ice cookies with it,
print it on your toes, plant it in seeds in your garden,
have it on a blackboard, have it on a piece of artwork,
have it on a piece of jewellery,
write it on your hand, have it printed on your clothing,
join the I am Enough Movement.
You can go to iamenough.com and find out more about that
but I promise you, once you buy into your enoughness,
you can't be enough and empty at the same time.
That's like saying, I'm happy and depressed.
I'm rich and poor.
I'm joyful and I'm not.
I'm hysterical and I'm peaceful.
You can't do that.
So, when you join the I am Enough Movement,
you cannot both be full and empty.
So, when you're full, you're not empty.
When you're enough, you're not empty.
When you know you're enough by writing it, reading it,
seeing it, joining the I am Enough Movement
will make you feel enough.
Now, many people say,
okay, I understand if I'm not enough.
I sabotage myself.
I know that I come home and I eat two tubs of ice
because I'm not enough.
I can see that I have destructive behaviour
and I ruin every relationship because I'm not enough.
I behave badly.
I dump people before they dump me 'cause I'm not enough.
I use too much medication or alcohol 'cause I'm not enough.
I see that but surely when I know I'm enough,
I'm not gonna just lie on the sofa and eat potato chips, no.
When you know you're enough,
that's when you get a different kind of more.
You go, you know what?
I'm enough, I don't have to be in this
dead end relationship.
I don't have to be in this dead end job.
I can go to my boss and say,
you know I've been here for five years
and I've done some research and I should be promoted by now.
I should have a pay rise by now.
In your relationship you can say,
you know I'm not prepared to be spoken to
or treated like that ever again 'cause I'm enough.
So, I'm enough makes you go after what you want
knowing you're worth it.
I'm not enough makes you sabotage and take no action
because you don't feel your worth it.
I hope that helps you.
Don't just listen to it, put it into action.
Change your passwords, write it everywhere,
make it a part of your life
and go to marisapeer.com and find out
how you can add even more enoughness into your life.
You were born knowing that you're enough
and once you reactivate and reclaim that belief,
it will change your life not just today or tomorrow
but for the rest of your life.
I speak as someone who spent all her childhood
and all of my adolescent feeling I was a hideous,
ugly, stupid freak.
I never felt enough and now I do
and you can too.
Let me know how you get on.
Write to me, email me.
I love hearing the I'm enough stories.
You know now people send me I'm enough in languages
from all over the world.
Somebody wrote from Korea and said, I wanted to die,
I read your book, I said I'm enough.
He said, and now I fly and I loved that.
It went for wanting to die to flying emotionally,
realising he had a limitless potential
and that could be you.
Start right now.
Thanks for tuning in.
See you soon.