LOTS OF BIG NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON TODAY.
THE NEW YORK TIMES IS REPORTING THAT DONALD TRUMP IS
EXPECTED TO FIRE HIS SECRETARY OF STATE REX TILLERSON IN THE
COMING WEEKS.
OR AS REX TILLERSON IS CALLING IT, A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
(LAUGHTER) >> James: HONESTLY, TILLERSON
SAYS HE'S NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE RUMORS.
AND AS THE FORMER HEAD OF EXXON-MOBIL, HE'S USED TO
IGNORING LOTS OF LEAKS.
(APPLAUSE) >> James: HE CAN'T STOP THEM
I'M SORRY!
(APPLAUSE) >> James: IT'S NOT REALLY
SURPRISING THAT TRUMP WOULD FIRE TILLERSON.
IF YOU REMEMBER, REX TILLERSON, OVER THE SUMMER, REPORTEDLY
CALLED TRUMP A, AND I QUOTE, A (BLEEP) MORON.
I DON'T HAVE A JOKE HERE, I JUST WANTED TO RELIVE THAT FOND
MEMORY.
MEANWHILE, THE CO-AUTHOR OF DONALD TRUMP'S BOOK, "THE ART OF
THE DEAL," SAYS THAT ACCORDING TO TWO SECRET SOURCES, WHITE
HOUSE STAFFERS ARE STARTING TO EXPRESS CONCERN OVER THE
PRESIDENT'S MENTAL HEALTH.
WOW, THAT'S SOME GREAT INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM RIGHT
THERE.
OR HE COULD HAVE JUST CHECKED TWITTER!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> James: HERE'S THE THING.
THEY'RE NOT ONLY WORRIED ABOUT TRUMP'S MENTAL
HEALTH, BUT THERE'S ALSO CONCERN ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S PHYSICAL
HEALTH.
[ Laughter ] >> James: I DON'T HAVE A
BETTER PUNCH LINE FOR THAT JOKE.
THAT SOMEONE SAYING THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT HIS PHYSICAL SELF.
YEAH, THEY'RE WORRIED HE MIGHT LAST A FULL TERM!
(LAUGHTER) >> James: I WISH I COULD HAVE
SEEN THE FACE TRUMP MADE WHEN HE HEARD
PEOPLE WERE SAYING HE'S CRAZY.
IT WAS PROBABLY SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
YEAH, COMPLETELY SANE, COMPLETELY SANE.
MOVING ON.
ANYONE HERE HAVE PLANS TO TRAVEL OVER THE HOLIDAYS?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> James: WELL, YOU MIGHT
HAVE TO CHECK YOUR FLIGHTS BECAUSE AMERICAN
AIRLINES JUST EXPERIENCED A COMPUTER GLITCH THAT HAS ALLOWED
ALL THEIR PILOTS TO TAKE VACATION AT THE SAME TIME,
MEANING THAT THOUSANDS OF FLIGHTS IN DECEMBER HAVE NO ONE
TO FLY THEM.
THIS IS ALL PART OF AMERICAN AIRLINES' NEW CAMPAIGN TO MAKE
THE REST OF THEIR SERVICES SEEM LESS AWFUL.
"OKAY, FINE.
I'LL PAY EXTRA FOR MY BAGS, BUT ONLY IF I GET A PILOT."
THIS COMPUTER GLITCH COULD REALLY SCREW THINGS UP FOR
PEOPLE FLYING ON CHRISTMAS.
IT LIST GAVE TIME OFF TO 15,000 PILOTS AND EIGHT TINY REINDEER.
(APPLAUSE) >> James: COME ON!
EVEN IF THEY DO FIX THIS, WHO WANTS A PILOT THAT JUST GOT
THEIR VACATION FORCIBLY TAKEN AWAY?
"THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.
STRAP IN, BITCHES.
IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!" AND FINALLY, THIS WAS AN
INTERESTING STORY OUT OF THE WORLD OF SCIENCE.
HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD ABOUT THIS ROBOT SOPHIA?
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ROBOT?
SHE'S ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
ANDROIDS.
WELL, RECENTLY SHE ANNOUNCED, ON HER OWN, THAT SHE WANTS TO HAVE
A BABY.
THAT MAY SEEM WEIRD, BUT I BET SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING
ABOUT.
HER BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS AN ACTUAL CLOCK.
IF THIS HAPPENS, IT'S GONNA BE A HUGE BLOW TO SINGLE WOMEN WITH
OVERBEARING MOTHERS OUT THERE.
"SO, I SEE ROBOTS ARE HAVING BABIES BEFORE YOU."
CAN WE SEE A PICTURE OF SOPHIA AGAIN?
SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK SHE SHOULD WANT THE BACK OF HER HEAD TO BE FINISHED
FIRST.
LET'S COMPLETE THE ADULT ROBOTS BEFORE WE START MAKING BABY
ROBOTS.
NOW THAT THIS NEWS HAS BROKEN, I UNDERSTAND SOPHIA ALREADY HAS
SEVERAL POTENTIAL DONORS LINING UP.