The horror! The shock! When an INFJ offends another person in any way, you can be sure they’ll
be stuck ruminating about it for hours.. Maybe even days. But, what comes after? How does the
empathic INFJ go about forgiving themselves and mending the bond after hurting someone's feelings?
Welcome or welcome back psychos! In today’s video we’re going to be
discussing the 5 things most INFJs do after unintentionally hurting someone's feelings.
But before we get into it we’d love it if you liked and subscribe to our channel,
as well as to click the post notification bell so you never miss new MBTI content!
Alright, lets jump right into the video starting with:
Number 1: Denial & Evaluation
“Did I really just say that”.. “That did not come out as I expected”..
“Maybe I can play it off cool and cover it up with some self-deprecating humor” .. Sound familiar
INFJs? If you’ve ever accidentally slipped and said something too brutally honest to someone that
isn’t quite ready to hear it. Or maybe you’ve said something with flattering intentions and it came
out completely different than how it sounded in your head? Ya.. it’s a terrifying moment
for everyone involved. INFJs are kind creatures, and when they say something considerably rude and
out of character they can end up feeling just as shocked as their opponent. Yet one thing for
sure is that they won’t be oblivious to it. If anything, when this introverted intuitive type
notices they’ve said something relatively offensive they may begin stumbling over their
words or completely forgetting what they were saying all together. As they try to
subconsciously collect all the information they need to later rehearse and ruminate about it,
INFJs can become seriously distracted by the unexpected turn in energy.
Unfortunately, this anxiousness becomes notably heightened when they’ve accidentally upset someone
in front of a larger group of people. Being on the spot, with all eyes on them is the perfect recipe
for the INFJ to simply close down and flee when they have the chance.
Number 2: They feel extremely guilty
Peacekeepers and lovers, the INFJ truly hates hate. They hate all forms of hate,
but when it comes to people intentionally hurting other people’s feelings, they just don’t see the
common sense in it. And so, when they feel accused of this preposterous act, they can’t
imagine how the other person must view them. But more importantly, how the other person is feeling.
INFJs are extremely attuned to the feelings of others, oftentimes more than their own. So,
if this unintentional occurrence happened in-person and the INFJ was able to capture the
reaction of their hurt opponent, you can be sure this empathetic type absorbed the shift in mood.
If they witnessed the change in facial expression or body language from confident to self-conscious,
or comfortable to fidgety, they will hold that image in their mind for a long time. Yet, most
of the time they won’t do anything in the moment because they freeze; they haven’t calculated this
into their possibilities of occurrences. Not to mention, INFJs are known to be quite self-critical
people who tend to experience guilt more often than most other types, in general.
Because of this, INFJs can end up feeling rather disappointed in themselves,
specific to the connection they have with the individual they’ve offended.
For example, if an INFJ teacher accidentally offended their student, they would feel
terrified that it may happen again, tearing themselves up that they’re not a good teacher.
Or, if an INFJ husband accidently said something a little too-truthful to their wife,
they may end up feeling more guilt than their spouse feels upset, prolonging the situation more
than it needs to be. So.. how do they approach the situation after feeling utterly at fault?
Number 3: Analyze & decipher all angles of the situation
INFJs are extremely self critical, but that doesn't mean they don’t try to find ways to
let themselves off the hook. When it comes to unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings,
the INFJ may at first be mortified and confused, but after a while, their introverted intuition
begins to filter through the information they gathered from the scenario. They put
their emotional reactions on the back-burner and try to get to the route of the situation, and
where things ultimately went wrong. They begin to ask their typical deeper questions like
“would what I said have bothered other people?”, “Was it my tone, was it my body language, was I
overbearing?”, “Does this person have a deep-set insecurity that I accidentally triggered”?..
Sometimes these questions lead the INFJ to an understanding that it wasn’t their fault at
all! And other times..they learn their lesson of where they went wrong and may have to deal
with a little guilt and shock because of it. At the end of the day, however, whether the INFJ was
in the right or the wrong, they ultimately don’t want another person’s feelings hurt.
And so, this is right around the time where the INFJ begins to decide to A) Take action towards
an apology.. Or B) Never show their face again. Which brings us to our next point..
Number 4: They decide between repairing or running
Depending on the severity of the situation, the connection with the person being offended, and the
INFJ’s intuitive conclusions about the scenario, they’ll finally get a move on with things. While
this empathetic type’s first instinct is to apologize (which they most likely already did
in the moment), sometimes they just can’t bother re-opening that can of worms. Whether they’re too
embarrassed to admit their accidental short-coming to someone’s face, or they can’t bear the idea of
possibly being challenged on it, ultimately stirring the pot further. Sometimes vanishing
out of the person’s life or avoiding them at all costs seems like the most ideal conclusion.. If
it’s feasible that is. If not, they’ll go with repairing the connection, even if it’s not
necessarily their first instinct. They definitely don’t want to burn bridges if they don’t have to.
On rare occasions where they have no chance to repair or intentionally vanish, INFJs can convince
themselves that they may be overreacting. They may mentally confess that sometimes feelings get hurt,
and that’s just one of the many beauties of human interaction. In these infrequent instances,
it gives the INFJ a chance to feel a little more unapologetically themselves. In fact,
this is also true when it comes to the INFJ door slam. If they knew it needed to be done,
they can certainly stand behind their power and not bring oodles of guilt along with them.
Number 5: They make an apology game-plan
Now, when it comes to someone they truly care about, or at least someone they’ve concluded
deserves an apology, INFJs will almost always prefer to go the texting, emailing,
or even the letter-writing route. Since they have a much easier time organizing and communicating
their thoughts with a pen and paper rather than being put on the spot, written apologies are
actually the INFJ’s way of being the most sincere. In fact, INFJs can get so caught up in observing
the other person’s emotions when attempting to apologize in person that it can likely backfire..
Leaving them with no words to describe why they said what they said. Actually, the combination of
their loud introverted intuition and extraverted feeling functions can certainly be to blame as
to why the INFJ would find themselves in this predicament in the first place!
However, it’s a little different when they’ve upset someone in their closest circle. INFJs may
find creative ways to make it up to their loved ones who they’ve accidently upset, using their
extensive documented knowledge of what makes them tick. They may choose to take an indirect romantic
approach when it comes to their love life, yet, they take the more sentimental route with their
close friends..possibly over-apologizing at times. Okay.. a lot of the time!
Number 6: The unaccepted apology
Now, when it comes to the unaccepted apology, INFJs can feel a serious blow to their self
esteem and self worth. Of course, depending on the situation, some confident INFJs can better
play off the ‘I don’t care’ attitude, but other times they can fall into a serious downward spiral
of self-blame and lack of confidence in their ability to properly communicate their thoughts.
Especially if their apology was turned down due to disbelief of the INFJ’s genuinity,
or if it was a first-impression scenario, this introspective type can rehearse it
so many times that they begin to blow certain aspects of the situation out of proportion. They
may take measures like holding themselves back from certain friends groups or family
members temporarily out of embarrassment and the inability to properly explain themselves.
Luckily, eventually once an INFJ stops making such a big deal of it in their minds, it stops
seeming like such a big deal on the surface. Well, that’s all for today, PSYCH-Os!
So, if you’re an INFJ personality type, have you ever accidentally offended someone? Let us
know what you did about it in the comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a like,
share with your friends and also subscribe to our channel so that you never miss a video!