I'm standing here with Eilat,
you are the Director of the King David Museum,
is that right?
Yes, the Tower of David Museum.
Why don't you show me the different
quarters in the city?
[Eilat] This is the Christian Quarter.
Christian Quarter over here. This is the Muslim Quarter.
Dome of the Rock, beautiful,
Muslim Quarter. This is the Jewish Quarter,
most of it you won't see,
because it's down towards the valley.
The Armenian Quarter is right there.
The Armenians have a quarter?
Armenians, yes.
I don't understand why they get a quarter.
Because they were here. They got all of Glendale.
This is my assistant, Sona, she's Armenian.
Hi. (laughter and applause)
Sona, did you know that the Armenians had a quarter?
I did.
Have you hung out in the quarter,
have your family gone to the quarter a lot?
No, nobody's gone. No!
You guys don't use it, right?
No. You guy are all hanging out
at Zankou Chicken in East Hollywood.
(applause)
What about the Catholics?
A lot of Christians don't love-
well, especially Irish Catholics, we're loud,
we throw potatoes at each other.
I promise you, you do not want the Irish Catholics in here.
Cause there's gonna be Red Sox sports bars everywhere.
Sounds good.
No, you've been to one?
(shouting and hollering)
When they play that song,
"Jump Around, Jump Around" over again.
(high-pitched sound effects)
♫ Jump, jump!
♫ Jump!
Don't give them a section.
Many ancient sights here, Mount of Olives, right?
Yes. Dome of the Rock?
Dome of the Rock.
This must be a very ancient sight, it says, "Hyatt Hotel"
this must be thousands of years old.
This is the hotel where Joseph and Mary couldn't get a room?
Is that right, the Hyatt was completely booked?
Probably. And they gave it
a terrible Yelp review. (laughter)
Donald Trump came to Jerusalem.
Yeah.
And he was very impressed with Jerusalem,
he has a peace plan, a way to divide up the city
that he thinks will bring great peace and harmony.
Here's what he wants to do.
Right over there, that's gonna be a Trump Hotel.
Beautiful property, best in the world.
That's gonna be a casino with a hummus fountain.
This is a little evasion river for tourists,
they can float around.
And right here, everybody: Muslim, Christian, Jews
will all live together in one condominium under the Force.
Do you think this could work?
I love the river.
And this, by the way, is real.
His face is gonna be projected
right over on that mountain there,
it's gonna be 600ft tall, you okay with that?
It's gonna go up in six months, and guess what?
Mexico's gonna pay for it. (laughter and applause)
This is the Arab market in the old city,
they have so many beautiful things to buy,
haggling's a big thing here,
and I wanted to learn more about it, so this is Benny.
Benny, you understand the art of haggling,
what's the first thing I need to know?
You need to tell that you saw exactly the same item
in the other shop, less than five euro, five dollar.
So wait, but what if that's a lie?
It's a lie.
What's another rule?
Now you say the quality, it's not so good.
"It's not so good"? That's insulting.
Any other tricks?
Yes, just to argue with them.
Argue?
Until he will break up and he will take down the price.
Hi, I'm interested in buying these products.
The Jerusalem hat, how much is this?
Honest price: three dollars.
Three dollars? Three dollars, ten sheckles.
That's bullshit.
Why?
I'm not gonna pay $3 for this hat.
Is it expensive?
Three dollars, that's way too much.
Too much?
Yeah, and guess what, I saw it
at another market for much less.
Go ahead, go buy it wherever you like.
No, I don't wanna go to that market.
I didn't like that market, it had a weird smell.
This market I like.
I'll buy it at this market, but not for $3.
That's bullshit!
Why are you screaming?
I don't know, I'm haggling with you.
Are you angry?
Yes, about my childhood.
You wanna have coffee and tea,
then we talk about business?
I would love to have some coffee with you,
that'd be very nice.
You like coffee with sugar or without sugar?
This is not the way haggling is supposed to go.
(laughter and applause)
How about this one, what's your price?
$150 I make it.
Hundred and fifty dollars?
Yes- That's bullshit!
So what's not bullshit?
$60 for this guitar.
No, it's too little, brother, it's too little.
I'll give you...
65?
No.
70? No.
75? No.
80? No.
85. No.
90. No.
95. No.
How am I doing?
(laughter)
[Conan] How much for the camel?
- Ten dollars.
Ten dollars?
How much you want?
Ten dollars.
Ten dollars?
We will give you five dollars.
Five dollars?
Yes, to close.
No, no, for this one.
(laughs)
You're terrible at haggling.
Of course, the most sacred sight of all of Old Jerusalem
is this Alabama Heart of Dixie Crimson Tide store.
(laughter and applause) Roll tide.
(mellow Eastern music)
I'm not touching you, my hands are above you
and off to the side.
Ah!
Thank you very much.
Nice, what is your name?
David. David?
Yeah.
Do you live here? Yeah, I live here.
This is beautiful, thank you.
It was very nice to meet you. Maybe you come here
to drink coffee or something.
We could do a coffee?
At my apartment.
Want me to come up to your apartment?
I live here.
If I'm done shooting maybe later on I can come by.
I don't believe you.
You don't believe me?
(laughter and applause)
This is nice.
It's me. Oh, it's you, oh good!
(laughter)
Tell me about yourself, David.
I have five kids.
You have five kids?
Yeah.
And 19 grandchildren.
You have 19 grandchildren? Yes, 19.
Does your family know that you meet strangers
on the street and invite them up to your house for coffee?
Do they know about that?
I worry about you, I don't want you doing that too much.
Because I could be crazy, right?
Look at me, I could be crazy.
No, you're beautiful.
(laughter and applause)
I see,
but I'm okay with it.
Can I give you a gift? No.
Please, may I? No.
I think you're gonna like this.
It's a yamaka, you like that?
(laughter)
It's for you.
It's a nice memory.
It's a nice memory of our meeting.
Those are very hard to come by
because nobody really wants them.
(laughter)
Will you wear this ever?
Yes!
You look good.
You're my friend.
And you also.
You are the lowest energy human being I've ever met.
Very little energy.
Yes, of course.
I think your heart has beat twice since I met you.
You artist, no?
Not really, no, I'm a comedian in America,
I try to make people laugh.
Yeah.
I've been doing that for a long time.
And as you can see, I'm very, very funny.
(laughter and applause)
This is something that I did.
Wow.
Who is it?
[Conan] That's me.
(crows)
I peck at you!
I peck at your eyes!
[Conan] You see my eye, yes.
Will you still be my friend
even though you know this is what I do?
(crowing)
Wow.
(laughter and cheering)