What are you doing?
Put me down.
Argh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Do you ever have one of those moments where you think,
how the hell did I get here?
Welcome, my Master.
The Death Star construction is—
Yeah. Great. Fine.
Whatever.
That flight was a f***ing nightmare, man.
My stupid tray table broke.
I ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch.
It was like dunkin' my wang in hot lava.
Something you have some experience with, I guess, huh?
Right?
Yeah.
Is that yours?
No. For the hundredth time,
that's that same stupid black bag.
Mine doesn't have a stripe.
It's like that stripy bag is mocking me.
F*** you stripy bag.
Well, my suitcase is gone.
Sacrificed to the airport gods.
Now I'm here for two f***ing weeks
with one f***ing robe.
Alright, now it's stickin' to me like a wet Kleenex.
Wow. For real?
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Yup.
My Lord.
Uh huh.
My Lord.
Yo.
My Lord.
Mm.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
My Lord.
Stormtrooper.
Stormtrooper. Stor— Blah blah. Blah blah.
Blah blah. Blah blah.
My Lord.
Urgh.
And how is the empire
coming along?
Last time you were very excited about your Death Star.
Let's just say we're already building another one.
Uh oh.
Yeah. I've got Vader on it.
Urgh, just saying his name stresses my ass.
Uh oh.
Yah?
Turn your head for me, please.
You lost them?
Uh oh.
I— I can't hold your hand anymore Vader.
A hand I gave you, I might add.
No. No. Shut up.
Uh oh.
I— I gotta put you on hold.
I just wanna throw myself in a hot bath and cry.
Oh no.
Hey, before you go, my face is really warm.
Is everything okay up here?
I don't know.
What do— What do you mean?
Ah. Ah, ah.
Ow. Ah. Ah.
Ow!
My face. It's on fire.
Well, there is a possibility
that when you were fighting Mace Windu,
he deflected some of your Force lightning
back into your face.
Are you kidding me? How much?
A lot.
I don't think there was one bolt
of Force lightning that didn't bounce off
Master Windu's lightsaber
directly back into your face.
And you just sat there and watched?
Well, turning to the dark side was a pretty big decision.
Oh my God.
I look like— I look like I have a
scrotum for a face.
What am I supposed to call myself,
Darth Syphilis?
If you'd made up your mind
five seconds earlier,
we could have ruled the galaxy
and maybe I could have gotten laid
one more time before I died.
Er, I can see your upset.
I'm just gonna go slaughter those younglings.
Yeah, whatever.
I think you'll find I leave nothing to chance.
Are you okay?
Not to worry. Also part of the plan.
What was I saying?
Ah, yes.
That's when I buried 10,000 Star Destroyers
under the ice.
Who built them?
Better yet, who will fly them?
Ice zombies?
That's when we started mass producing ice zombies.
Who staffed the ice zombie machines?
That's for another trilogy.
I was also Snoke.
Is there someone we can talk to
about turning that thing off?
There was a system upgrade.
They told me it would be fine.
Now back to the plan.
You despise me.
And with your hatred—
Despise you?
We have no relationship whatsoever.
For the plan to work,
you really need to hate me.
Yeah.
I can't hear him any more.
W— what?
Ahh!
Excellent, Order 66 was a complete success.
My Master,
what were the first first 65 orders?
I'm glad you asked.
♫ Oh.
Capture me a Wookie.
Kick a Princess in the cookie.
Sabotage the espionage of a Bothan spy.
Activate the trash compactor.
Let's protect the main reactor.
Stab a smuggler in the jugular and watch him die.
Corrupt a teen from Tatooine.
Manipulate a Gungan and
kill the Naboo's queen.
Trap a Mon Calamari.
Take a Tauntaun on safari.
Hit a topless bar on Mustafar with artist Ralph McQuarrie.
Ohhh,
number 13. Find investors.
Number 14. Make a Death Star.
While your at it draw some plans up
for my Death Star II.
I'll unmask a dirty Jawa.
Crank-call General Dodonna.
Clone a load of cannon fodder out on Kamino. ♫
Y— you know what,
I'll just email you a PDF or something.
If you don't have the time,
then whenever you get around to it.
As you can see, my young apprentice,
your friends have—
Your friends have failed.
Now—
Now witness the firepower
of this fully—
fully armed operational ...
Oh, come on!
Hey, the Force is strong with this one, eh?
What do— what do you got there?
A latte?
You ever have the hazelnut macchiato?
Change your life.
Anyhoo ...
Tony, right?
It's Ray.
Ray, sorry.
Sorry.
I get— I get mixed up.
Who's— Who's Tony?
Anyway, I— I hate to interrupt.
I know you're very busy.
Is there any way you could finish this area,
you know, later?
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Argh.
Look, Mr. Saltine.
I don't tell you how to
threaten your blond kid.
So, why don't you go back over there,
to your Sit 'n Spin and let me do my job?
Okay, okay. Copy that.
Good talk.
They'll, uh, they'll just be a little longer.
I— I'd ...
I'd tell him to stop but, you know,
no speak-o minimum wage-o.
So— So, where was I?
Oh, right. Right.
Now witness the firepower—
Can I start again, please?
Yes.
I—
Ahh!