But first, uh, let's talk a bit more
about Sunday night's, uh, town hall debate
between Hillary Clinton and Groper Cleveland.
Um... after the debate,
some people say that Trump won.
Because, honestly, he managed to distract attention
from his pussy-grabbing scandal.
And some people say Hillary Clinton won
because she made sense.
But it's clear who really won,
because in the middle of that historically nasty debate
an exhausted nation cried out to God,
"Throw us a bone."
And he did.
Nearly 67 million people tuned in to the debate,
and the surprise star was the man in the red sweater.
What steps will your energy policy take
to meet our energy needs?
The Internet determined a clear winner, Mr. Ken Bone.
A man in a red sweater stole the spotlight.
-Ken Bone, you're so charming. -The legend of Ken Bone.
-Bone heads. -We all love Ken Bone.
I'm looking for him on Twitter, 'cause I want to follow him.
REPORTER:
"Welcome to the Bone Zone."
Welcome to the Bone Zone.
That is the first time "bone zone"
has not sounded creepy at all.
Now you call your... Come on, kids,
time to play in the Bone Zone.
Yay!
I love Ken Bone. I love this guy so much.
And it's not just me. For two days,
all of America has been experiencing
a non-stop Ken boner.
And it's no surprise-- he's cute,
he's got a great sweater.
But here's why I fell in love with Ken.
Because up until now I had no idea--
honestly, no idea-- why a voter in this election
could be undecided.
But Ken-- he got to my heart
and he made a good case.
I think I'm more uncommitted than I was
when we started, I'm afraid. Uh, Donald Trump--
he might have, uh, my economic interests more in mind,
uh, just from a personal level.
But on the other hand, if he's allowed
to appoint the next Supreme Court nominee,
there's a very good chance that we could lose
some of the rights that, uh, we've fought for.
I do not want to see anyone's rights taken away.
Uh, so that's what makes it difficult for me,
is we're looking at a personal interest
-versus community interest election. -Right.
Okay, two things I love about this guy:
one, everything.
Two, he's not just thinking about
his own interests in this election.
With all the negativity we've been exposed to
throughout the campaign, Ken Bone
seems like an actually decent person.
And also, I love that he's still wearing the sweater
that made him famous.
Yeah.
Which makes sense, because if you wear something specific
when you do something heroic,
you've got to stick with the look.
You know right now there's a guy out there who really regrets
rescuing a baby while he was wearing jean shorts. You know?
And people are like, "Get a picture of that hero."
He's like, "No, no, wait, let me change, let me change.
Aw, (bleep), I'm Captain Jorts forever now."
But Ken Bone isn't just a ray of honesty
in this hurricane of (bleep).
He's also a one-man basket of adorables.
I went from, last night, having seven Twitter followers,
two of which were my grandmother,
because she had to, uh, remake her account
when she forgot her password,
to, uh, now I have several hundred.
No!
He's so fluffy!
Aah! Aah!
His grandmother follows him twice on Twitter?
This guy is so naturally appealing.
You know right now Hillary's campaign
is just analyzing everything about him.
She's gonna show up at the third debate
in a red sweater and a fake mustache.
What are you talking about?
I've always looked like this.
And here's the most...
the most American part of this story for me.
Since the debate, Ken Bone was--
and-and this is true--
he was even offered a porn contract.
Yes, yes.
Because porn producers--
they know what's up.
They're on the phone, they'll be like, "Listen, Ken,
"uh, either we pay you or we hire a look-alike.
Either way, the Bone porn train
"is leaving the station.
"Then it's gonna go back in the station,
"then back out of the station, then back in the sta...
"Yeah, that's right, like-like a penis.
You get it. Yeah, you get it. You get it."