Transcriber: Reiko Bovee Reviewer: Ariana Bleau Lugo
Hello!
I'm here to talk about my friend Jude.
My friend Jude inspired me.
She was a daughter, a sister, a friend,
a crazy haired artist, a people magnet.
She lived big and she lived well.
But it's the way that she died that inspired me.
I saw Jude for the last time,
only hours before she died three months ago.
She insisted I'd come that Sunday,
"before I pop my clocks," she said.
And we spent the afternoon together.
And she did her now slightly slower version of chain smoking.
And we reminisced about her life,
her life as an artist
and her life living with cancer.
In many ways, it was an ordinary afternoon.
So, I had no idea that Jude had told her family
that this very day was the day she was going to die.
But this is not a morbid story.
Jude grabbed hold of the experience of dying
in the same way she grabbed hold of her living.
And one of the ways that she did that
was going to her beloved Bondi Beach
every morning for a walk.
And she did that untill days before she died.
And as it turned out,
Jude didn't die that Sunday.
She died the next day, Monday morning at home,
where she'd planned,
surrounded by her dearest friends and her brother Paul.
I think mostly we've become out of practice
with every day dying,
out of practice with the doing, and the talking of death.
And while the way Jude died
isn't what everyone will or should do,
it is an example of how to live well
and how to die in a way that reflects this.
Until her last breath,
Jude actively surrounded herself
with the everyday business of family,
friends, food, art and love,
and even here, at her funeral ceremony
in the Surry Hills Art Gallery,
we painted and filled her coffin
while the latest exhibition hung around us.
Why does this inspire me?
Well, Jude didn't subscribe to
the "we-are-a-death-denying-society" line,
and neither do I.
We are surrounded by images and messages about death.
Mostly they are portrayed as fearful,
unnatural and violent.
And Jude reminds us that death
doesn't always need to be like this.
And I hope that Jude might inspire you.
Talk, prepare, plan for the inevitable.
Because the fact is:
most of us will not be surprised by death.
We will die everyday deaths
though illness and old age.
And we have time to prepare for our dying.
So I encourage you:
have a conversation with the people in your life who are dying.
Learn from them.
Talk to your family about your wishes.
Talk about organ donation.
Talk about whether or not you want to be cremated
or buried in the earth or even in a sea.
Ask about palliative care,
and what it can offer you or a loved one.
Ask yourself, "How do I want to be remembered?"
Because dying is the last thing you are going to do in your life.
Talk about death. Talk about dying.
It won't kill you.
(Laughter)
Thank you.
(Applause)