Hello lovely people,
Welcome to part 2 of my look at whether or not labels- specifically LGBTQ+ ones- are
important. If you missed part one, looking at all of the reasons they ARE important and
why people care so much about them, then you can find that linked in the description below.
For this video I’ve done something a little different and taken both video and written
submissions from subscribers, to make sure we get a more ‘well rounded’ view that
is not just… my experience. Some viewers weren’t comfortable with their faces on
screen and some wished to remain anonymous so I’ll be reading out their thoughts. Please,
in those moments, ignore my incredibly white face and incredibly British voice. I can’t
change either of them!
A special thank you to the members of the Kellgren-Fozard Club, who helped make this
video possible. If you too would like to support this channel whilst gaining access to behind-the-scenes
content, downloadable goodies and my adorable face after your name, along with other perks
then click the ‘join’ button next to the ‘subscribe’ button- which you’ve already
clicked... right?
[CARD: THE NEGATIVES OF LABELLING]
[CARD: DIVIDES PEOPLE]
One of the often stated problems with adopting labels is that they can lead to an ‘us’
and ‘them’ mindset. It’s argued that taking a minority label could turn us into
victims and result in us seeing our differences as the fault of ‘the other’ – we can
personalise it, rather than seeing it as a way to understand ourselves and we can launch
an attack on people who are ‘different’.
- According to Right-Wing Twitter. So… we’ll take that with a pinch of salt.
But it is true that certain labels divide opinion in the LGBTQ+ community. One of our
Anonymous commenters had a great description of why labels can be unhelpful sometimes:
“Although labelling serves to help others understand me, it does so based on definitions
set by others and potentially subjects me to stereotyping. (Case in point, it annoys
me when people find out I’m gay and respond with “Oh, but you don’t look gay” as
if they just complimented me.)
Then the intuitive thing to do is to be more specific and accurate in
representation, right? It is fair to help others to understand us, but in dicing
things finer, there is also the danger of highlighting differences and become
more divisive as a society and within our own LGBTQ+ community.”
Alex agreed:
“I find myself far removed from the queer community because I dislike expectations that
come with the externalization of labels. I avoid queer spaces (and disabled spaces)
because I don't want to be informed I can't call myself queer (I can call myself whatever
I like, thank you) or be told to "prove" I'm REALLY whatever I say I am.
So much of life is performative and I find it too exhausting to deal with. Thus, I set
my labels as broadly as I can to loosen expectations ... My labels helped me find who I am. However,
sharing them creates expectations that I do not have the spoons to meet or refute.”
[CARD: CHANGES OUR BEHAVIOUR] There is a danger when bestowing labels upon
others and taking them for ourselves: that they can start to dictate our behaviour. For
example, when I was around 12 I realised that these feelings I had always had for girls had a name:
lesbianism.
So I started to look up lesbians-
- bear in mind that this was the 00s. I was using dial up internet and I’d never seen
a lesbian in film or on TV.
I realised that I was not a ‘good lesbian’. I didn’t dress the way the internet told
me lesbians were meant to dress (short hair, check shirts, jeans)...
like a lumberjack really.
And I didn’t enjoy the things lesbians were meant to enjoy. Mainly mechanics and
motorbikes. I mean-
This [points to self] did not fit that description. So I tried my hardest, for six months, to
be a ‘good lesbian’. And I hated it! So I went back to twin-sets and pearls and thought
‘screw it! They’ll just have to take me as I am’
[CARD: CHANGES HOW OTHERS SEE US] Just as I thought I needed to cut all my hair
off and start learning to ride a motorbike, so did some of my friends. Because that’s
what lesbians do, right?
- uh… nope.
There is not just one way to be something.
Sarah: I think as most people know bisexuality is
one of the troubled terms because people think we are promiscuous, that maybe we wouldn't
be trustworthy in a relationship or another because they’d want to be with somebody else.
That has come up a lot and bisexuals had to say: no no, I choose you. Labels are important,
it’s important to me and I appreciate that labels are available and that discussions
are had around them and what they mean and it allows other people to really understand
something about me that is important.
[Nods] Thank you!
We can imprison ourselves with labels but we can also do the same to others:
“My friend is straight so they won’t understand the specific pain of my break up.”
Well… they might.
I’m not saying that all types of minority identities are the same but the feeling of
BEING in the minority is. And if labels do their jobs then they should help us understand
ourselves so we can better empathise with and understand others.
An Anonymous submission read:
“I feel that having an extensive glossary of LGBTQ+ terms is helpful and
essential, and I do not think that the terms “Identity Definers” and “Labels”
should be used interchangeably. For me, to identify myself with a term is
to relate and to find a sense of belonging - which is a personal journey with
my inner self. Whereas to label myself with a term is to be placed within
definitions to help others manage their expectations of my existence.”
[CARD: WE’RE MULTIFACETED] Perhaps the most common negative comment about
labels is that we’re all made up of so many different parts that sometimes labels just
don’t work in isolation. Equally, sometimes one or two aspects of you are more important
than the others or have greater bearing on your life, so you don’t necessarily use
or connect with the other labels for your identity.
Mark: Hello my name is Mark and identify as gay
and trans and also as a Quaker. I think the reason that I identity with these labels and
not with another label that applies to me such as being chornically ill is that the
queer comunity and the Quaker community are both places that nurtured me as I was entering
them and they are places were I have taken on volunteering roles and also done inreach
an outcreach between the 2 communities. So these labels are somewhere mashed for me as
well. So yes, it's about being part of a community rather than having simple words that identify
me in isolation. So those are my labels and that’s why they are important to me.
Thank you very much!
Lauren wrote: “I am a cis gendered, black woman that is
bisexual. I am an agnostic Christian/pagan. However, being a pagan and bisexual are not
labels I disclose. As I am Black, people assume I am fully Christian and I don't correct them.
And as I am married to a man- people assume that I am heterosexual and I have not disclosed
that I am bisexual to anyone besides my husband as I feel that there isn't any point. As long
as I know that I am bisexual and accept that then that's all that matters”
[CARD: LABELS AREN’T IMPORTANT] There is an argument that labels are unimportant
because we should know ourselves without them. When practicing the discipline of getting
to know ourselves, are the abstract generalisation of labels applicable?
Human beings generally love being told what to do and how we’re supposed to behave.
- don’t act like we don’t. We’re mostly all genetically programmed to be adorable
little sheep. It’s why we eat pineapple, objectively the worst fruit ever. Fight me.
It’s natural for us to seek out categories and cosy little boxes, communities we can
identify with and associations that stand for what we believe in but… it can be all
too easy to become defined by and to define ourselves by these
rather than by our own hearts.
For an obvious example of this just think of party politics where people define their
views by the views of their party rather than their own judgement.
“I am a Conservative so I believe X”,
“Well I am a Green Party Member so I think Y”.
For argument sake; and this is very much my personal belief; really no one is entirely
one thing: you are not ‘A Liberal’, you just hold certain beliefs that have been defined
as ‘liberal’ but you probably have some that are more centrist or even conservative.
Equally, policies that are defined as ‘left wing’ in America might in British or Scandinavian
countries be touted by more right-of-centre groups.
- The Conservative Party were the ones who put Gay Marriage into law in Britain!
So you see the label ascribed to your beliefs can change based on where you are or the situation
you’re in. A woman may love another woman, have that feeling be called ‘lesbianism’,
go through a gender transition into male and have that love be called ‘heterosexuality’,
although the love between them is the same.
So in reality, it’s all very malleable.
[CARD: WE NEED TO OPEN OURSELVES UP TO EXPLORATION AND CHANGE]
Thus, rather than being freed by a self-understanding we can become imprisoned by it. You may feel
scared, having already come out to family and friends as gay, to then explore feelings
that exist outside of that box. You may worry about breaking your record as ‘the easy
child’ by sharing with your parents that you’re questioning your gender.
Equally, perhaps there is a sport you love but you’ve ever seen a non-binary person
take part in it so you don’t persue it. Perhaps you don’t apply to the university
of your dreams because people with your skin tone aren’t historically well represented
there.
It’s hard to break glass ceilings, it’s hard to fight inequality and it’s hard to
be ‘different’ but small steps lead to big changes. You have a light within you and
you can follow its path. I believe that and I believe in you.
[CARD: LABELS CAN BE DANGEROUS] Sadly, I don’t need to explain much more
about this heading. It is still illegal to identify as LGBTQ+ in over 70 countries, 12
of which carry the death penalty. I received messages from subscribers saying that they
would like to be involved in this video but couldn’t be because it would put them at risk.
So as much as we can celebrate Pride and throw a parade, it would be remiss if we didn’t
think about our LGBTQ+ siblings for whom labels carry such a heavy burden.
[CARD: LANGUAGE IS INNATELY FLAWED]
All language is subjective and inefficient really… we’ve made up words for feelings.
But feelings don’t have edges like words do. There is no hard barrier for where this
sense of myself ends and the next part begins. We make up words for commonalities but we’ll
never really know if another person experiences the same thing in the way that you do.
- hands up if you’re thinking “do we all see blue the same way?”
Words don’t really innately have a meaning, we just ascribe one to those certain sounds
and then allow that to change over time. At one time the sound ‘queer’ was an insult,
but now some people wear it with pride because to them it fits a feeling they have inside.
And we can’t really comment on that, tell them that it’s wrong or right, because we
don’t have that feeling. So whilst an outsider may attribute negative or ignorant feelings
to your label, it can still be purely yours.
And I am apparently now a philosophy channel(!)
Welcome.
Sarah Fagan: The label bisexual when I was in highschool
was the only one available, pansexual is newer and I know that there are some debates around
whether the term bisexual is transphobic and is one of the reasons I wanted to talk about
this actually. I identify with the label bisexual and I’m not transphobic, I’ve dated trans
people. It's just a label I’m comfortable with, and then I'm happy to have the debate
around what bi and pan mean. To me there isn't enough of a difference to try talking about
pansexuality with somebody like my mother maybe who wouldn't really know what that is
and bisexual is a much easier label. That’s why I use it, it’s much easier.
There you go.
Did that answer the question?
I believe that it does.
You may use the word ‘female’ because that’s how you feel… 90% of the time.
And it’s the closest word you associate with. Yet someone else hearing you describe
yourself that way may think you feel ‘female’ 100% of the time.
[CARD: YOU SHOULD STILL RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE’S LABELS]
You might not like it. You might think it’s ‘silly’. You might think that someone
else using the label you like to use in some way invalidates you.
But it isn’t. And it doesn’t.
Society is built upon mutual respect. Just because you disagree with someone doesn’t
mean you have the right to invalidate or interfere with their life.
We can’t tell other people which labels they’re ‘allowed’ to use, we can’t
police their behaviour under the banner of that label. Unfortunately, there will also
be terrible people who think that their label gives them the right to try and tear down yours.
It doesn’t.
All we can do is treat others with respect and hope they do the same to us. Be the change.
But also sue companies and institutions that discriminate against you.
And protest when you need to.
And stick up for others, especially those who are the most vulnerable.
Oh, and always, always respect a person’s pronouns.
As Steve wrote:
“I like getting to know people, and if they have a preferred label of any sort, I am really
glad if they tell me, so I won't call someone "a person with disabilities" or "deaf" who
I know likes the terms "disabled" and "HoH" better, and I won't call [someone] "he" if
[they] identify as a woman. I find it very important to communicate it though, because
I'm educating myself as hard as I can to use the correct pronouns, and to know for sure
what pansexual, latinx and other words actually mean, so that I won't misuse them, but telling
me what you what me to call you or refer to you is also a huge help”
[CARD: LABELS CREATE ACCEPTANCE] The more we talk about our labels or display
our flags, the more they’re normalised. Delightfully, our labels become more ingrained
in society over time. Gender variation is certainly more accepted now than it was in
the land of blue and pink toys I grew up in. It’s slow, certainly, but if no one talked
about their labels or blew through negative stereotypes, there wouldn’t be the acceptance
we have now.
Amanda: Hello my name is Amanda. I identify as Straight,
Cis, Demisexual, Asian American Woman and Midwesterner.
Why am I on Jessica's video? Is because I want to talk about demisexuality. I want to
talk about my own views and experiences with labels because of identity. Demisexuality
is part of the sexuality/asexuality spectrum, its kind of half asexual half sexual, thats
where DEMI comes into play. From my personal experience, I rarely experience any sort of
attraction, crush or romantic or sexual attraction. Personally I do not celebrate Pride for myself,
I do it for the wider LGBTQ+ community. Other demis celebrate pride because it's part of
the spectrum. I just personally feel uncomfortable saying I've had similar experiences to other
members because I have not. I don't have microaggressions or macroaggressions because i'm demisexual
so i want to close out with my broader view on labels. I think they are a great starting
point for learning and awareness, they can be a foundation of conversations and they
establish a point of reference for people because it gives a kind of concrete word that
people can build their knowledge around but i don't believe that people need to be confined
to labels.
[CARD: YOU DON’T NEED TO LABEL SOMETHING TO ENJOY IT]
Say you identify as a cishet guy, you don’t need to label yourself to explore things that
the world wants you to believe are ‘outside of your label’. If you want to paint your
nails, go ahead. If you want to make out with that cute boy from your maths class, go ahead.
Labels are just words. They can be helpful, they can be great, but they don’t need to
restrict how you live your life and you’re still you with or without them. Labels communicate
how you feel but they don’t change the feeling.
A closeted person, a label-ambivalent person, a questioning person and someone who feels
their gender shifts every day are all just as valid as someone who has always gone by
the same label and been sure of who they are.
Zachariah: You don't have to identify with any labels in order to be valid or have that
sense of security. Everyone is valid no matter what their labels.
Natacha says: “I wish we didn't need labels anymore, in
a way. I feel like I can be attracted to, well, people in general, no matter what their
gender is, and I wish it could just... be, without having to be such a big deal ! I wish
we didn't have to come out anymore... I really hope someday we can just all live our lives,
without having to explain ourselves constantly. But since we still have a long way to go,
until then I'm happy to come out again and again if I can!”
(V) Ashley I think labels can be really wonderful when
they are empowering and set you free, but are also absolutely not essential or obligatory.
I didn’t always identify with a label for my sexuality (I just knew that I wasn’t
completely straight) and now I identify as bi/pan because I find it empowering and helpful,
but maybe one day I’ll go back to not identifying with a label.
I think it’s fine to be fluid with using labels and I also don’t think you have to
use a label to be a part of or to identify with a community.
And Edmund says: “I think being able but not expected to
define your identity is important because it’s freedom to express yourself. If you
like being in a neat little box you’ve got that choice, if you hate it you don’t need
to be. I guess I see it as having the option to do it is the most important part in a very
important way that each person sees themselves.”
You do you. Be your fabulous self. Use labels if you want to. Ignore them if they don’t
fit. Change them every other day or pile them on top of the other. Just stay true to yourself.
Thank you so much for watching, thank you to everyone who sent in pieces for this video,
please subscribe if you haven’t already and I’ll see you in my next one!