♪♪
[water churning]
- Peter, I'm frightened!
- Don't worry, Wendy,
I'll think of something!
- Well, you better think fast, boy,
I doubt the crocodiles will be as patient as me!
[crew laughter]
- You're a coward!
A coward and a scoundrel, Captain Hook!
Captain: Well, I'm not the one th--
Wait, what did you just call me?
- A coward!
- No, no, no, no, the thing--
the thing after that.
- Uh... Captain Hook.
- Captain Hook?
[audience laughter]
Wow.
[audience laughter]
Okay, um.
Ouch?
I feel like I have a lot of other really great
recognizable qualities.
- If you don't let us go, you're gonna be sorry!
- I bake!
I bake.
Bet you didn't know that just by looking at me, did you?
I love reading, I volunteer when I can.
My favorite band is The Smiths,
but no!
You've instead decided to attribute
my entire physical identity to this.
- Just wait 'til Peter gets free,
then you'll be sorry, Hook!
- Wait, you call me this, too?
Is this a universal thing?
How long have people been calling me this?
- Well isn't that yer name?
Hook?
- No!
It's Johnson!
[audience laughter]
Who told you that my real last name
was related to the worst accident of my life?
[audience laughter]
Oh my gosh, that's so mean.
- Don't you think you're overreacting?
- Overreacting?!
I don't call you Peter
I-don't-want-to-get-a-real-job McLeggings.
Or your girlfriend Dumb British Dress Lad--
I can't think of a good one for you, whatever.
[audience laughter]
- But aren't pirate names often based on appearances?
- Do you see him, over there,
that terrifying freak of nature?
[audience laughter]
Do you want to know what I call him?
- What?
- Josh!
'Cause that's his freakin' name!
- Okay, well what about One-Eyed Pete?
- That's on his birth certificate!
That's his actual name!
- Me parents was Greek!
- His parents,
was Greek.
[audience laughter]
Your parents were cruel
based on how you're treating other people.
- Cruel?
You're the one who's about to feed two children
to crocodiles.
- Oh, give me a break!
A child?!
You're older than me!
You only look young 'cause you keep dousing yourself
with magical fairy bath salts.
- It's called pixie dust!
- Oh, so now we care
about what things are actually called.
[crash]
[audience laughter]
Josh, I am so sorry.
- It's all right, cap'n.
- I think you're taking this a little too seriously!
- Oh, plus!
You did this to me!
You're the one who cut my hand off,
that's like if I hit Greg with a semi truck
then called him Greg Roadkill.
I don't get to label that,
that's Greg's thing!
- Okay, all right then!
What would you like to be called?
- I don't know,
I feel like it's weird if I give it to myself.
[giggles]
It's like, it's a nickname, you know?
It's not supposed to...
Well I wouldn't mind Captain Handsome.
Captain Chiseled Jawline,
or something to that effect.
- How 'bout,
Captain Still-has-one-hand?
- Oh no, that's just tempting fate.
- How's about, Captain What
Who-wears-a-hat-on-his-head
And-walks-about-like-so?
- Uh, we're closer but no, too pedestrian.
Come on, fellas, think.
Think.
- What about, Captain Guy Liner?
- It's true, you do wear a lot of guy liner.
[audience laughter]
- Do I pull it off?
Crew: Aye.
- I'm Captain Guy Liner!
Yes!
Yes, I rather like it.
All right, Peter,
I'm Captain Gu-- And they escaped.
Typical.
- Don't worry, you'll get 'em next time.
- Peter will rue the day he crossed the most ruthless,
evil pirate on the seven seas.
Captain Guy Liner!
Crew: Captain Guy Liner!
- Yeah, no, on second thought,
maybe we just leave it Hook.
Crew: Aye.
[audience applause]
- Or, Captain Pirate Face?
- Captain Sleeps-with-a-night-light?
- No, that's personal.
No, stop it.
- What about Captain Like, Share & Subscribe?
- That's not even, that doesn't even make se--
- Or Captain Comment Below?
- That's ridiculous!
- Captain Download the BYUtv App For Free
For Studio C Episodes And Other Great Shows?
- Greg?
You just got a raise, I love it!
Crew: [haltingly] Three cheers
for Captain Download the BYUtv App For Free
For Studio C Episodes And Other Great Shows!