Talk about social skills. This is one that's really necessary. You got to know when to
give advice and when not to. This is a great question that's going to save you a lot of pain
and agony in your relationships as you figure out when to give advice and when not to. Now,
there are 5 questions that I want you to ask and very specifically answer
before you launch into the advice. Stick around for all 5. Here is the first question. There's a
reason why it's the first question. Sometimes it's the only question you need to ask.
Here it is. "Was the advice requested?" Do I even need to get into a description about this?
Look, if people aren't asking you for advice, don't offer it. It will be rejected anyway.
Even when they are asking for it, there's some other questions that we still need to cover. So,
let's say that you clear that first question. And yes, it was requested. Here's your next question:
"Am I emotionally invested in the outcome?" This becomes really important because if I have an
emotional investment in the outcome, I may well have a conflict of interest. I serve on
the board of directors for a non-profit called Nova Principles. And every time we have our
board meeting, right at the beginning, we have to declare if there's any conflict of interest
before we get into the agenda for the meeting. A conflict of interest is simply where your own
emotional investment in the advice that you're considering giving is going to taint that advice.
Whether you mean it to or not, just realize that it does. Now, this is especially true for children
for example. Our own children or someone who's a close friend or relative a co-worker.
We usually have some kind of vested interest. And I'm not saying you can't give advice if you have
an emotional investment in the outcome. But I think it's a really important question to ask
before you offer any of the advice. What is my emotional investment
in whatever the outcomes might be? That could save you some real pain and agony in the future too.
Sometimes examples of this can be really helpful. I mentioned the example of my board meetings. What
examples can you think of where you might have a personal emotional investment in the outcome
of the advice you're about to give? Share some of your ideas down in the comments and let's start a
conversation. -A third question to ask yourself is "Is my advice based on experience or an opinion?"
Hard to tell the difference. -I was going to say it. Sometimes it could be a little tricky to know
the difference between that. Well, this is because of our destructive pride that we get... -Right.
We figure that everything that is our opinion is actually correct
and we've had experience. All of our experience has supported that.
-This point came because I've belonged to several different mastermind groups over the last
couple of years and we have a very clear rule in one of my mastermind groups. This is a group of
professionals that get together to help each other out and give advice from time to time.
But the rule is you only give advice if it's based on your experience. -Right. -Everybody's got an
opinion. -You bet. And really it's it comes with more strength and more power behind it if you can
say, "Okay, here is how I handled this." Or "When I was in this situation, this is what I did."
Because again, that also doesn't come at it when you say, "You should". -So, been there
done that --experienced. Now, you can give advice based on opinion. But please qualify it as such.
Question number 4: Do I have the best interest of the receiving party in mind?
Do you see why this question is so important? If you're giving advice for your own selfish reasons,
it's not likely to be received very well. Get your focus back on the person who is receiving
the advice and make sure that whatever it is that you have in mind to give to them
is geared toward them. This is not about you. This is about them. It's not about making you look good
or feel good. It's about them and their life, their problem, their concern. Make sure you have
their best interest in mind. Are you ready for the fifth question? Here's what I want you to ask: Am
I prepared personally to take full responsibility for the advice that I'm about to give? Does that
change it up for you a little bit? It's easy to give people advice and let them deal with
all the consequences. If you're really prepared to give someone advice, I think you need to be
prepared to accept responsibility for that advice. There's a couple of reasons for that. Number one,
they might come back to you based on how that worked out for them. And do you really want
to be responsible for what you just told them to try? Now, if you're confident, that's one
thing. If you're not sure, then that might cause you to hesitate. Back off a little bit. Maybe
not be so quick to offer the advice. There's another risk here too. What if it goes well?
You know, it might be tempting to think, "Well, I hope it does." And
of course you hope that that your advice lands well.
But if their life gets better because they did something that you told them to do,
they might now be giving you credit for something they need to take personal responsibility for.
So, it can kind of go both ways. I remember a young man I was working with whose mother
gave him very specific and guided and even sometimes controlling advice
about an award he was working to achieve. When he got the reward,
he threw it back in her face. Not literally but he kind of left it there and said, "Mom,
this is yours." Wow. Is that really the position we want to be in? So, be prepared
to take full responsibility for the advice that you give. Social skills, personal development,
personal mental hygiene. It's all available to you at Live On Purpose Central come and see
what's available there. -The link is go.liveonpurposecentral.com. We hope you join us.