- Darren you don't have a right to violate me
if you didn't drink anything.
- Roll the tape then!
I tried every single one. - I want results.
- Like a bitch!
- Ooh.
(hip hop music)
- What's up y'all, what's happening?
- What's popping? - Hi guys.
- I'm Darren Big Baby Brand.
- It's your girl Timothy DeLaGhetto.
- And it's your boy Justina Valentine.
- And we here to do something simple.
We take three foods--
- No, let me do my job!
- No, let him do it, let him do it.
- Okay, okay, okay, do it, do it, do it, do it.
- All right, so here on the show we like to take
three plates and just figure out what's the cheapest,
middlest and most expensive 'cause sometimes,
plates that are basic, they can be bougie.
Can I get an amen?
- Oh hallelujah glory!
And the bougie can be basic.
- Wow.
- Amen.
- [Timothy] Basic round.
- Basic round, let's do it.
Hey yo, John John.
June bug.
- Please, please ma'am.
- Oh, it's a human.
Oh.
- She stop rubbing?
- What is this? - Damn.
- It feels like.
- Oh.
- Oh it's a, beef jerky!
- Beef jerky.
- Let's see if I can catch it with my mouth
without looking.
- Okay me too.
- I got it on my glasses.
(smacking)
- Let's start.
(crying) (dramatic music)
(maniacally laughing)
- [Justina] Are you okay Tim?
- [Timothy] Yeah I'm good.
(hip hop music)
- All right.
- Jerky.
- Ooh, this one is fishy.
- Dude. (sighing)
They can't be that many types of jerky
where you mess it up.
- [Timothy] There's lots of jerky dog.
- [Darren] It's that many jerky's?
- I've had kangaroo jerky in Australia.
- I like jerky bites.
Now you know the ones you can get like little small bites,
you can (mumbling) in a little packet?
Oh.
- Thick ones.
- Oh. - Mm.
Oh. - Mm-hmm.
Oh. - Mm.
Oh. - Oh.
- This is cured meat.
Not when you have syphilis and you go get the pill
but this is like, slow cooked.
- Get the fish one out of the way.
- You wanna get it out the way?
I think it's this one.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. - What is that?
- Oh. - Some kind of fish.
(oriental style techno music)
- Cheers.
(speaking in foreign language)
- Uh-huh.
Bless you.
Salmon jerky?
- It don't taste as bad as it smells actually.
Yeah like maybe salmon-y, like--
- Smells bad but tastes good.
- I don't know about good.
It tastes better than it smells.
- It's real ocean-y.
- Fishy for sure.
(hip hop music)
- Mm, sweet.
- Why's it so tough?
You gotta have dental insurance to eat this.
Mm, if you ain't got dental, you should not eat this.
- Your teeth are real, aren't they?
- Yeah.
- I'm talking about overall insurance.
- Yeah, a molar might come out.
- [Timothy] Is this like teriyaki?
- Yeah, I could see that. - Really?
- [Darren] Teriyaki?
- [Timothy] Maybe.
(lips smacking)
- Chew with your mouth open, it's so annoying.
- I'll tell you what's annoying.
Everybody turns their volume down
when you come on this show.
- Good.
(laughing)
(lips smacking)
He's a chewer too.
- I know that, sound guy knows it too.
(laughing)
- I don't know what this is, it is good though.
- Beef?
- Yeah, it's beef.
(hip hop music)
- Oh that's hard.
- This is cured a little bit longer than the rest.
- [Darren] Justina can you explain cured?
- It's like, how is that meat?
It was good, (beep) was cured.
- That (beep) cured as (beep).
- Hey bro, let me tell you something.
The way he cured that on that grill.
- That (beep) was cured.
- Tim, do you know what cured means?
- Cured meat is like,
you know when people say it's like cured.
Like it's cured meat.
- Yeah.
- You said the same (beep) she said.
- I know, that's a joke Darren. (laughing)
(ding)
- Cured.
(airhorn blowing)
(laughing)
- All right Tim, you rate these.
- All right.
Let's go salmon most expensive.
- Okay. - Mm.
- So you're going with the tastiest as the cheapest?
- What are those two meats Tim, you know what those are?
- Who knows dog? - This one tastes the best.
(laughing)
- Who knows man?
- Justina where you at?
- [Justina] Cheapest, cured.
- [Timothy] Uh-huh.
- Middlest, cured. - Cured.
- [Justina] And most expensive,
cured. - Cured.
- Cured, cured.
- Hey yo, cured!
Cured!
- [Justina] Cured!
- Cured!
You want some?
- Yeah sure.
(mumbling)
- This (beep) popping man.
- Good to see you.
- Leave him alone.
- Cheapest!
Salmon.
Salmon jerky, wild caught from Alaska, keto friendly.
$35 a pound.
- Already (beep).
- Already.
Middle, kangaroo jerky.
(gasping) - Ew.
(shouting)
- Kangaroo's the one I thought tasted the best, yikes.
- Kangaroo jerky, 50 a pound, high in protein, iron
and omega three fatty acids.
- (beep) Gave me a pouch.
(laughing) (burping)
- How rude. (mumbling)
- Oh! - Oh!
- That was good.
- Yak jerky.
Thick cut, marinated and smoked, $88 a pound.
- Damn.
- Yak is often compared to beef but lower in calories
and higher in proteins.
- Damn, I (beep) that all the way up.
- Yeah.
- You said you had kangaroo jerky.
- So I should've known.
- You should've known.
- Yeah.
(burping)
- This was whack.
- Can we get the bougie round?
(pounding) (glass clanking)
(laughing)
- Oh my gosh.
(fancy instrumental music)
- Is this thing on?
Say bougie lounge.
Bougie lounge!
- Blindfolds guys.
- Guys let's hold hands.
- We can't hold hands, we have to feel around
for the food.
- Be very careful when you go to grab it.
- Oh my God, is it gonna bite, is it gonna bite us?
- It's probably gonna.
- Be very careful. - What?
- It's gonna fall over. - It's alive?
- We gotta be careful with it.
- Let's touch it, let's touch it.
Okay, don't tip it over.
Be careful, be careful.
- Okay.
- It's a glass. - It's a cup.
- It's chilled piss.
Okay. - No, no, no, no, no.
- It's a bloody Mary.
- [Darren] (ding) Ain't that a white people drink?
- Nah. - Nah.
- It's like a morning kinda drink.
- It's like a brunch drink.
- Tomato alcohol?
- Yeah.
(sniffing)
- What's up doc?
- [Timothy] Oh my God, you're so dumb. (laughing)
(fancy instrumental music)
(shouting)
- Oh my God.
- Oh God.
- You don't F with the bloody Mary's Darren?
- You don't mix veggies with liquor.
Just observe.
There is a piece of crab leg,
inside the (beep) bloody Mary.
- It's like cocktail sauce.
- Do we eat the sides as we drink the bloody Mary
or is this just decorative?
- I think it depends, I think the shrimp,
you probably dip that a little bit.
I wouldn't do that with the tacos.
- No.
Or the,
chicken and waffles. - The chicken and waffles.
- Where should we start?
- What do you guys wanna do first?
- You know me, I love a good crab leg.
- Let's do it.
(fancy instrumental music)
- Mm.
Whatever the little mix in here, kinda like cocktail sauce
so it's like when you dip seafood in some cocktail sauce.
- Yeah.
- But you get turned at the same time.
- Darren where's yours.
- Darren, you finish yours already?
- Yeah, I thought it was all right.
- [Justina] Well you got that over quick.
- [Timothy] Oh yeah, oh, that's not bad.
- Are we on the beach?
- I'm feeling like I'm on the beach.
- Bitch I'm on a beach.
- Oh Darren I didn't--
- Got some straws for y'all.
- I'll take a straw.
- Yeah I got ya, I got ya, I got ya back,
we're teammates.
- Thank you. - Thank you sir.
- Okay, here we go. - you straight?
- That pickle juice in there? - That's good.
- Yo.
- That pickle juice
kinda sour, kinda sweet. - yeah, that's what it was.
- The pickle juice is really nice.
- Oh yeah.
- That's good.
- Hey it's kinda popping.
(hacking)
- It has that after bite on your neck,
do y'all have that?
- It's just, listen, like Tim said,
it's like that acts as cocktail sauce then you take
a sip of that after.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Can we please get through this please?
- Pickle juice.
- Oh, you want this?
Take this one. - Yeah.
- Let me get a small piece, small piece.
I mean since he got it out.
You know what?
It's been soaked in that so all the juice's flow
through the claw.
(hacking) - That's delicious.
(shouting)
- Tacos?
- Tacos.
(fancy instrumental music)
- So you gotta try all of them dog,
you know they're all gonna be a little different.
Pretend it's not a drink, pretend it's just like
tomato soup but cold with ice.
- [Justina] Hey Darren, never judge a cocktail
by it's cover.
- Oh my God y'all.
- Cheers. (ding)
- Be quick, I did it, I did it.
- Oh but you gotta dip it in the drink,
dip it in the drink too. - Oh yeah.
- I'm really trying not to throw up.
- [Timothy] It's not bad.
It almost tastes like there's taco hot sauce in there.
- Oh that's good.
It's different than this one.
It's less pickle juice.
- It's like tabasco in there or some (beep).
- You didn't even try the tacos?
- [Timothy] Something.
- Uh, shut up.
- Uh, that looks like a (beep) ant took a bite.
- Ooh, she said you got ant mouth dog.
(laughing)
- Let's keep moving.
- Chicken and waffles.
- All right.
(fancy instrumental music)
- Did you dip it in?
- No.
- Should we, I don't know, maybe.
- It done got cold in here.
- I think we could just bite in and--
- There's bacon too.
- Oh we got bacon?
- Mm.
Mm. - That's good.
- Mm-hmm.
What's in here?
- It's almost like ketchup-y.
Yeah, it's like a really, really sweet ketchup.
- Hmm.
Oh you're doing it!
Oh you tasting it too?
Okay Darren!
(clanking) (gagging)
- Mm-mm.
- You all right Darren?
(gagging)
(spitting)
- We'll just keep eating while he throws up.
I'm not too squeamish.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey you two.
You two, look at me.
Look at me. - Hey baby, we're looking.
Rate.
- Okay.
- 'Cause at this, y'all are playing at this point.
- Mm, no, I mean, it's just,
it's pretty good. - Rate.
- Tim, rate.
(mischievous instrumental music)
- The crab leg with the shrimp is the most expensive.
- Oh yeah, 'cause it got a crab leg in it.
Okay. - Simple.
- [Justina] So most expensive.
- [Timothy] No doubt.
- Okay.
What's more expensive generally would you say like,
a good taco or a good chicken and waffles?
- But that's chicken and waffles with bacon.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- And these are mini's.
- They are little tacos.
- So it's like, (burping)
would you go like that?
- [Timothy] Yeah, okay, I guess we could do that.
- [Justina] All right.
- 'Cause you know, people are always trying to take
the cheap stuff and make it more expensive.
Like, tacos, they wanna make it all fancy
and they gotta make it more expensive and (beep).
Darren, you don't have a right violate me
if you didn't drink anything.
- I did drink it.
- Nope, you did not earn your right to violate
me in this round.
- Roll the tape though.
- (muffled speaking) Revoked!
- Every single one.
I tried every single one.
- Like a bitch!
- Ooh!
- Like a bitch!
- Hey Tim, come here.
I think this thing is on. (laughing)
Do it in the mic.
Yeah.
Get up close and personal.
It's on.
- Try it.
- Like a bitch!
(laughing)
- Some sibling rivalry going on.
(laughing)
- 'Cause he know I'm about to (beep) him up.
- You would dare dirty this shirt with my dad's
face on it?
- Absolutely.
- Aw that's so cute.
Oh what a G.
Speaking of G's.
Juan.
(laughing)
- That bothers me that he went up to the camera
and screamed that so loud.
- [Justina] Really loud.
- [Darren] From the diaphragm.
- Yeah.
Okay, bloody Mary's. (clearing throat)
Taco, bloody Mary made with tequila,
has taco seasoning on rim and mini taco's inside from
a Mexicano restaurant for $8.
- Okay.
(speaking in foreign language)
- Second place was the breakfast bloody Mary
made with bourbon, add cinnamon sugar on the rim,
waffles, sausage, bacon inside from an NYC brunch bar, $15.
(sighing)
Are you happy? - So it is.
- I feel good.
- Read the last one, how much was the last one?
- The last one is a seafood bloody Mary, $30 made with
vodka, shrimp and crab inside from an oyster bar.
- $30? (laughing)
- I'm just glad it wasn't the drink.
(laughing)
- I thought about it.
- The first one we've gotten right in a long time guys,
let's drink to that.
- Bitch. (laughing)
We did it!
He's plotting, he's plotting.
(laughing) No!
Not the chair!
- Cut!
(laughing)
(muffled shouting)
- Oh my God.
- Yikes.
(hip hop music)