Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Ask The Attorney Anything. I'm Rebecca Zung and I
am an attorney, and I am here to answer your questions and help you get through your divorce
or whatever it is that you're dealing with. If you're dealing with a narcissist, I've
been talking to a lot more people who are dealing with a narcissistic business partner
as well, but if you are negotiating with a narcissist, you are in the right place.
I'm so glad that you're here. And if you haven't subscribed to my channel, make sure that you
do that now. Subscribe and hit the notification bell, and that way you will get notified when
I upload brand new content and when I go live and do all of these great things like this.
So I would love to know where you all are tuning in from. That's always super fun. I
usually get to see people from all over the world, and I'm looking at your questions now
so that I can start answering them for you. Let's see. I saw one about, "How soon after
your divorce should you implement a temporary parenting plan?" And that question is from
Heather. So Heather, thank you for your question. So the first thing I do need to say and make
sure that I always say is that I'm only licensed as an attorney in Florida, and so when I give
you my advice, it is not legal advice. For actual legal advice that pertains to the laws
in your state or your country, you should connect with an attorney there in your jurisdiction.
But I can tell you generally and give you general information.
So with regard to a temporary parenting plan, that's something that you should probably
do, especially if you're dealing with a narcissist on the other side, as soon as you possibly
can. I actually had a case one time where the husband had filed for divorce when the
wife, who the wife was my client, and he filed for divorce when she was seven and a half
months pregnant. So what we ended up doing was mediating a temporary parenting plan like
a week or two before she gave birth to the baby, and that temporary parenting plan is
still actually in place and still going because the case is still going. We are actually getting
ready to mediate that case again for the final parenting plan at the end of August, but for
the whole first year of the baby's life, the temporary parenting plan has remained in place.
And for my client's sake, she has been really happy about that because it didn't give any
overnights to the husband. So she has been able have almost total control of the child
for the baby's almost first year. So I would recommend that you enter into a
temporary parenting plan as soon as you can, because then there's less problem, less chance
for interaction, less chance for manipulation. I would highly recommend that the parenting
plan be as specific as possible, which means, you know, Tuesdays and Wednesdays from this
time to this time, they're with the mother Wednesdays and Thursdays from this time to
this time, whatever it is, have it be super, super specific. And even down to the detail
of who's driving the children to where, is the person who's receiving the children driving
to pick them up? Is the person who's giving up the children for the next two days taking
them somewhere? And even specify where the exchanges are going
to take place. A lot of times before COVID hit, we would say school, you know, like the
kids would be dropped off at school in the morning, and then the other parent would pick
them up in the afternoon, but with COVID, things are a lot more different. So make sure
that you have that in place. And I would recommend that you at least include
the major holidays that are going to be coming up in the next several months. Because while
you can certainly settle your case sooner, and hopefully you do, if you think that there's
any chance that a major holiday is going to happen before your case is over, it just makes
it easier than having to go back to lawyers and try to go back and forth and try to figure
out what's going to happen at Christmas or Hanukkah or some special holiday that really
means a lot to the families. So I do recommend that you implement that
temporary parenting plan as soon as possible. And sometimes I even say before you even move
out, have that written parenting plan in place because otherwise, it just causes havoc.
And I would include in the temporary parenting plan that it is temporary, that it's not to
be used as a basis for any sort of final parenting plan. And I would include in there some kind
of language about if one person doesn't do what they say they're going to do, that the
defaulting party or the noncompliant party is the one that has to pay both sides' fees,
so that there's some sort of incentive to actually do the parenting plan, that there's
something that happens if the parenting plan isn't adhered to by both parents. And you
might want to put something in there about using an app, like some sort of Talking Parents
or Fair or Our Family Wizard or [inaudible 00:06:12]. There several apps out there, and
I would suggest that you put that in the temporary agreement as well.
A lot of jurisdictions do recommend that you mediate a temporary parenting plan almost
immediately after the divorce is filed. Some jurisdictions say it has to be in place within
30 days or something like that. So some jurisdictions actually require you to enter into a temporary
parenting plan right away. So those are a few of the things that I would include and
that's when I would go ahead and implement that temporary parenting plan.
So kind of like a long answer to your question there, Heather, but I think it's a really,
really great question and really, really important. So I just want to take a little look over
here to see where people are tuning in from. And I see Diane from Virginia. I actually
grew up in McLean, Virginia, which is just outside of Washington D.C. So Glen says are
you the only guy here? For sure you are definitely not. I have lots and lots of male subscribers
and listeners and followers here. So InspireTheInnerYou is from Manchester, UK. Thank you so much
for tuning in. I have somebody from Pennsylvania, California, New Hampshire, Texas, South Africa.
I don't even know what time it is over there in South Africa right now, but thank you so
much for tuning in and taking the time. So let's see. Let me just see if there's any
more questions with regard to parenting plans because that way we can kind of keep them
all together. Question, "If my child's father doesn't follow the custody order, what steps
do I take?" So that's from Danae. So Danae, I'm probably not licensed in wherever
it is that you are, but I can just say that if the person doesn't follow a court order,
then in your jurisdiction, there's probably some sort of mechanism to enforce that order,
whether it's filing a motion to enforce, a motion for contempt, a motion for sanctions,
something to that effect to try to... When you're dealing with a narcissist, they probably
won't be following the court order because that's part of what they do. They do anything
they can that they think that they can get away with. And so you have to hold their feet
to the fire. So if you have a lawyer that's saying, "Oh,
don't bother. It's not that big of a deal," that empowers a narcissist. So you do have
to hold their feet to the fire. If they're not complying with the court order, then file
whatever you need to file to make them comply. Let them know that you're not going to let
them get away with whatever it is that they're doing. Okay?
So let's see. I've got... Oh, so Danae says you're in Texas. Okay. So that's what you're
going to need to do, is file whatever you need to file in order to make them comply.
Don't let them get away with it. Anything you let narcissists get away with, that just
empowers them. All right? Oh, you said that was helpful. Good. I'm so glad. I'm so glad
to hear that. So let's see. "Am I able to move out?" This
is from Tom. "Am I able to move out, then start the divorce process and get the 50/50
custody?" So Tom, I just want to let you know that if you have a narcissistic partner and
you move out, then start the divorce, then try to get the custody, you run the risk that
that narcissistic partner will withhold time sharing from you and potentially start poisoning
the children against you and potentially start some kind of campaign of denigration.
I mean, I don't know what your partner is like, but if you do have a narcissistic co-parent
who might have tendencies to denigrate you in some way, once you are out of the house,
they have like free rein to start trying to turn the children against you.
So I would just be really, really careful about doing that. If you think that that potentially
might happen, then I would suggest not moving out until you have a signed temporary parenting
plan in place. It doesn't even have to be super formal. It can be something you guys
type up. Well, actually, let me not say that. Let me just say make sure that you talk to
your lawyer about how formal it needs to be and how much it needs to have, but have some
kind of a temporary parenting plan in place that's in writing before you move out. For
sure. Okay? All right. So I have tons of really excellent
other questions here that I would like to definitely address next time. There's some
questions here about STDs and support and unsupervised time sharing. I do have a video,
by the way, on supervised time sharing because that came up in my last Ask The Attorney Anything.
So for those of you who are asking about supervised time sharing and how to get that, check out
my other video on supervised time sharing. Because I just did that about a week ago and
that's a really good question, a very, very important topic.
So thank you all so much for joining me today. If you haven't subscribed to my channel, hit
subscribe right now, hit that little subscribe button, hit that notification bell so that
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sure to drop a link to that below as well. And if you like this video, give me a like,
give it a share. Drop me a comment. I love hearing from all of you guys. My heart and
my soul goes out to you. I know what it's like to deal with narcissists and I am on
a crusade to help free you all from the hell that you are in.
So thank you so much for joining me today. I'm Rebecca Zung and I send all of you peace,
light, and love. Thanks again.