Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘You freak.’
1978’s Laserblast would likely be forgotten to film history - even more than it is – were it not for one thing.
The stop motion aliens created by Dark Corners favourites Dave Allen and Randy Cook
raise the film above the level of every other disenchanted teen sci-fi out there.
‘It’s just too good to miss’
The film opens with – wait is that Ash Williams,
No it’s a man with a laser on his arm.
Given the movie’s called Laserblast that was pathetic.
That’s more like it.
But the laser is left lying in the desert.
We now meet hero Billy.
‘Momma, you’ve been to Acapulco’
I imagine this scene is supposed to make me feel sorry for him, but he’s 27 and gets sulky just cos his Mom has a life.
So much of the very slow first third of the film is trying to make us sympathise with Billy,
from his surprisingly nerdy bullys…
'You see whose out early this morning Froggy?'
'I bet he aint got our reason.'
To the police hassling him, just cos he’s speeding.
‘You never learn do you boy?’
The movie wants us to understand this poor ostracised ‘teenager’
‘Oh Billy, can’t you be more ordinary?’
Eventually giving up and just telling us who he is in as clumsy and unsubtle a way as possible.
‘I do believe if you were more ordinary you wouldn’t be my Billy though would you’
Have we got it yet?
‘There’s something so dark in you’
Thank God his girlfriend is here to clarify these things.
'In some ways you are the strongest person I ever met.'
In others you’re a whiny little momma’s boy who can’t look after himself.
‘What?!’
But we know it’s only a matter of time before Billy picks up a certain deadly weapon
‘Come on you bastards’
You and me, 3 sets, I’ll even let you serve.
‘I’ll kill you’
He also finds the laser,
which is bad news for the aliens when their supervisor finds out.
We added the subtitles but I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.
‘I ain’t ever seen nothing like that’
The gun, and the weird necklace that goes with it…
now seem to take over Billy…
making him oddly clumsy…
and start blowing shit up…
as he is pursued by the aliens….
and special agent Dirty Harry.
‘You don’t like this town buddy?’
Fortunately for the movie, they are unable to catch him before he’s gone on a proper rampage,
some of it spectacular…
some less so…
and there’s only one way to get the gun back.
‘Over my dead body’
The aliens, who seem to have gotten a lot bigger…
take him down with their rainbow gun.
And even though I hated Billy with a passion, it’s all very tragic, because, while he was wreaking havoc,
it’s not his doing, he was possessed by the gun.
Why would Billy kill his own doctor?
Then again, why would the aliens kill his bullies?
Or the useless policemen.
Sometimes it’s obviously alien possession…
sometimes it’s obviously what Billy wants…
sometimes I could go either way…
An alien might well have a grudge against Star Wars.
‘Faaaaaar out’
But the point is, it doesn’t matter that we don’t know what the gun is or who the aliens are
or what’s going on with the plot or what this man is talking about…
'There I was 30,000 ft straight up, with frozon yoyos and the string broke. I didn't falter, I just kept on going man.'
It matters that we don’t know what’s going on with Billy, it matters that it’s inconsistent.
‘Shut up Froggy’
Stop motion’s good though.
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And if you'd like to see more alien reviews click here the stop-motion in laser blast just gives it that something extra
What are your favorite good stop-motion in bad film films? Let us know in the comments below.
'You leave.'