You may have seen or heard about the
experimental product known as Google Glass,
the product of the future.
At first, it does everything your phone can do in your glasses.
But here at Google, we've finally teamed up with the makers of the iPod Human and iNavigator
to bring you the brand-new, highly advanced, cutting edge, top of the line
Google Glass Human.
With a completely original design, the Google Glass Human is not just better, it's bigger.
You know, people ask me all the time, "Why'd you guys have to make it so big?"
And every time, I give them the same, simple response.
"That's what she said."
The Google Glass Human comes in multiple styles and colors such as:
I'll take two!
And just because the Google Glass Human is easy to use, it doesn't mean it has any less capabilities.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
WHOA!
The Google Glass Human can do everything your best smartphone can do and much more
such as:
-Google Glass Human, find me the nearest coffee shop. -No.
Google Glass Human, take a picture.
Okay, zoom in a little bit.
Alright, and... now.
Damn it, you blinked again!
-Continue for 2.5 steps. -Are you sure we're in my room? It feels like we're outside.
OFFSCREEN ANNOUNCER: Phone calls.
(ringing)
Answer call.
Hello?
Christine says: "Hey, wanna grab lunch today?"
Wait, really? Yes, tell her "yes"!
I wonder what made her change her mind.
No. You are a fat girl.
Wait, what!?
Thanks to our top of the line scientists here at our Google labs, we're proud to announce one of our
newest features never before seen or done on any device in the past.
The Automatic Fragrance feature, also known as AM Fragrance.
-GOOGLE GLASS HUMAN: (farts) -Ugh, really? On my neck?
Are you one of those people that uses a lock on your phone so people don't steal it when you sleep?
Well, with the Google Glass Human and it's Triangle Lock feature, not only do you have to not worry about
sleeping, it's so secure that it will actually help you sleep.
INITIATING TRIANGLE LOCK
Not completely convinced yet?
Here's some of our satisfied customers.
I cannot live without it.
To be honest, I don't leave home without it.
It's stupid!
It's too heavy, and it's really inconvenient.
OFFSCREEN: Well, how do you feel about your iPhone?
Oh, well obviously, that's one of the best products of our generation.
Google Glass Human is not something you just use...
it's not something you just do.
It's something you buy!
And for the simple price of $699.99 you can get one whole tenth of a Google Glass Human.
If you order now, we'll throw in the Google Shoes Human as well.
Order now and get the Google Watch Human too.
If you order now we'll throw in the Google Belt Human also.
If you didn't already order when we told you to order now the first three times, but good thing you waited.
Because if you order now, you'll get everything we've mentioned so far plus an additional lifetime supply of Google Glass Humans!
Wait, what?
ALL GOOGLE GLASS HUMANS: Whoa! Whoa!
-Somebody please help me! -Hello, Sean. Do you require assistance?
-Yes, please get all these Google things off of me! -I'm sorry, did you say "call TeeGooglyCoffeeMeat"?
-What? No, that's not even a name in my contacts! -I'm sorry, did you say "yes"?
-What? No! -Calling TeeGooglyCoffeeMeat.
-Damn it, cancel call. -Call canceled.
-Good, now call for help. -Calling 4HE-LP.
-That's not even a number. Just call 911! -Calling 11-11-11-11-11-11-11-11-11.
-No not nine different one ones. Just dial the number 9. -Dialing 9.
-Good. Now dial 1-1. -Dialing 1.
-No, not a singular 1! You know what I meant. Dial two 1's! -Dialing 11.
-Great. Now that's too many. Delete one. -Which one would you like deleted?
-Does it matter? -No.
-Then delete a 1! -Deleting all 1's (lol)
-No, damn it! Just add 1 and another 1! -Adding 1+1, 2.
-Oh my God, you know what, Google Glass Human? I'm done. -I'm sorry, did you say 91... 1?
-No! I mean yes! Yes! Call it! -I'm sorry, did you say college?
No, call it!
-Comment? -No, call it!
-Cottage? -Call it!
-Wallet? -Call it!
-Walrus? -JUST CALL THE F*CKING NUMBER!
-Calling... -Ugh, finally.
-...TeeGooglyCoffeeMeat. - SON OF A--
TEEGOOGLYCOFFEEMEAT: Hello? This is TeeGooglyCoffeeMeat.
Wait, you're an actual person?
No, I'm one of your Google Glass Humans, but I'm at the top, so I'm more updated than you. What's up?
Thank God. Okay, please listen to me. I just need one thing.
-Sure, fine. -Please call for help. Call for an ambulance!
I'm sorry, did you say "I want more AM Fragrance"?
-No, no! -Initiating AM Fragrance.
Not like this.
Not like dis...