(light piano music)
- Hey everybody, today we're gonna talk about jealousy
and why I kinda think it could be a good thing.
But before we jump into that, are you new to my channel?
Welcome, I'm a licensed therapist
and I release videos on Mondays and on Thursdays
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Now the reason that I even wanted to talk about this topic
or that it even kinda bubbled up into my brain
is because I was having lunch with my friend Nathan
a while ago and we got to talking and thinking
about jealousy and how we both have experienced it
and we didn't really think
it was such a bad thing after all,
almost like jealousy's gotten a bad rep
and we think it can actually be kinda beneficial.
It's obvious to think first that jealousy is bad
because some people can lash out as a result of it
but if we don't react out of jealousy
and we recognize it for what it is,
I think we can actually use it as a tool or energy for good,
because as we can all understand and agree,
a lot of emotions can come up
when we feel our relationship is threaten
or that someone is doing so much better than us.
And when we're growing up, most of us are told
that feeling or being jealous is a bad thing.
We call it the green-eyed monster
and we try to ignore all of the feelings that it gives us.
We can stuff it down and try to keep pushing forward
just ignoring how we feel completely.
But like I said, I think jealousy has been given a bad rep.
I believe that if we acknowledge it
and understand our jealousy,
that it can actually be a good thing.
And now hear me out.
The reason I think jealousy can be a good thing
is because it could be motivating, right?
It can cause us to wanna work harder
or feel more motivated for change.
It can remind us of what we want
and why that thing is important.
And it can push us to try something new
or to take that next step because think about it,
if we see someone else doing better than us,
or we see maybe someone we don't even know
like another person in the world
doing something we have always wanted to do,
having that little twinge of jealousy
can push us to maybe make the first step towards that goal
or to take the risk that we might need to
in order to make that thing happen for us,
do you know what I mean?
Like let's say one of my friends
is taking this amazing trip to Japan,
now I've always wanted to go to Japan
but I just haven't made the time
or made any effort really to plan it or make it happen.
But seeing them there
and me having that little twinge of jealousy
can remind me of why I wanted to go there in the first place
and maybe encourage me
to start planning for it and saving for it.
So I think jealousy can be really motivating.
I also think that jealousy
can help us learn more about ourselves.
For example, what we are jealous of
helps us see what our next steps may be towards what we want
just like I talked about that trip to Japan,
if I see somebody doing something like that
and I'm super jealous,
it just tells me more about what my true desires are
and it can show us where we need to grow
in our own confidence
because maybe I see somebody doing something
like oh, I've always wanted to give a big talk
at a convention but I just, I don't know,
it makes me kinda nervous and I just don't feel confident,
no one would wanna hear me,
and we have all those negative self-talk, negative thoughts.
But then if I see someone
who I've seen as like an equal to me doing it,
then I can truly believe
that it's an opportunity and an option for me.
So in a way, not only can it motivate me
but it can boost my confidence a little bit
so that I can see yeah, they're doing that,
that means that I maybe could do it.
And I also think that jealousy can help us
realize all that we have.
Because sometimes when I'm looking out
thinking the grass is always greener,
what that triggers in me is to look back at my own, right?
And in the same way I said I can be motivated
and I can look back and be like,
well I have almost the same kinds of things,
I still have all the things that are important to me,
I just need to work on them
or I just need to cultivate those things,
or I just need to recognize that they were there all along.
And I believe that instead of thinking
jealousy is a bad thing, turning away from it,
stuffing it down, trying to move forward,
not acknowledging it, thinking it makes us bad
or terrible or just like really rude,
instead we can see it as a normal human reaction
that can help us evaluate our own life
and maybe, just maybe, push us to take
those first scary steps towards something we truly want.
And if you struggle in general just to turn this
into something positive,
it can help to talk out your jealous thoughts
or feelings with a close friend or partner,
or maybe even a therapist, who knows?
And that's honestly why I personally
find therapy so beneficial.
When I say things out loud to my therapist,
I suddenly realize how ridiculous that maybe is
or how actually not jealous I am
but how motivating that can be
and sometimes just hearing those words said out loud
to another person can really help us change our perspective.
And even if we struggle to do that when we say it out loud,
that other person is there, that's why therapy is so cool
'cause then therapist would repeat back
and be like, hey, okay, so what I hear you saying,
and whenever she says that, I'm like oh shit,
here comes the truth, I'm not ready,
but it's really refreshing
and it can help me get a new perspective
on something that maybe I thought wasn't that great
or a part of myself that I thought was icky.
If we've always thought that jealous side of ourselves
is a nasty, horrible green-eyed monster we have to ignore,
maybe getting that different perspective,
we can turn it into something positive
that helps us become the person that we truly wanna be.
I hope you found that interesting and potentially helpful.
I kind of enjoyed talking about certain terms
or concepts and like flipping them on their head.
Thinking about them in a new way,
how can we turn something
that we maybe think it's negative into a positive?
And I would love to hear your feedback too,
leave in those comments down below.
What are some ways that you have used
maybe a quote unquote "bad feeling"
and turned it into something wonderful,
motivating, and possibly positive?
Thank you so much for watching,
if you like my channel and like my videos,
you're gonna love my book, it's called Are U Ok?
and it's a guide to caring for your mental health.
Think of it as like your mental health 101 guide.
You can click the link in the top of the description
and purchase your own today
and I will see you next time, bye.