then when i least expected it
hey what i never hook up at weddings well here's the thing those big romantic moments
they're great when they happen but they're not real exactly but i know now it's just a mirage
wedding goggles exactly and that in a nutshell is why i'm not putting the moves on you you think
this is the most believe me you know the moves people 10 tables away would know the moves i
have a solution interested and to preface this we're not going to sleep together tonight less
interested i'm saying i'm here you're here this is a big romantic wedding why don't we just dance
and have a great time and then when it's over never see each other again tonight we will make
a memory that will never be tarnished and then enrolled in gray we'll look back on this night
and it'll be perfect you can call me buttercup pleased to meet you buttercup i'm lando calrissian
let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal
the bouquet yes but we'll need a diversion
kids
very nice okay i don't really know how to tap it i couldn't tell
if if we kiss all of this becomes real you you might use too much tongue i might not use
enough and then suddenly poof spells broken i will use exactly the right amount of time
so what do you want to do next don't think first thing comes into your mind
uh hold this whoa there she goes
good morning hey guys i'm just gonna ignore that
thank you i wish you could stay i know me too but i have to go to work and you have that meeting
call you afterwards i'll inappropriately text you during bye bye bye oh that's great here toodaloo
oh that snuck up oh come on the 18th can't get here fast enough wait the 18th
oh crap i can't believe i forgot this i'm going to be out of town on the 18. oh well um we can just
wait until you get back i mean the whole point was not to rush into this yeah or we could do it
tonight 75th in amsterdam victoria have you ever cheated while in a relationship wow good question
it's okay um well i was in a really crappy relationship in college and i wound up kissing
this guy at a party one night and i felt terrible about it so i came clean and we broke up naturally
wiper solo batch um i think those need to stay in the oven a while longer here's a professional tip
if it's still runny it's not a cupcake it's a beverage yeah well things with victoria were fun
and easy and uncomplicated i've just been offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in germany
hello hey random question how do you feel about cats cats hated the music that love the animal
good to know um okay goodbye i wanted to give you
this this is what happens when you you know let them finish baking
i want you to stay
somebody say beautiful princess oh my gosh it's perfect oh this
dress is totally gonna get me laid on my wedding night robin i think that you are
the coolest i'm so glad that we're friends oh no way you're the coolest no no you are okay i
am we can sit around and cry or we can run and do awesome air kicks before our leg gets chopped off
wait so we're sharing the leg and no that leg is a metaphor how could the leg be well enough to
do awesome air kicks one day and yet still so sick it needs to be chopped off the nest well
i'm glad we got to spend the day doing awesome air kicks yeah i was almost too tired for all the sex
look i know it never works for anyone but do you want to try long distance yes yes okay
we can beat the odds oh shmods hi ted remember me your girlfriend okay relax robin's just a friend
right you're gonna go make some juice yes yes juice is perfectly harmless in fact it's healthy
oh yeah then why are you wondering what she looks like naked i am not one
okay even if i am wearing that it's only because you put it in my head ah but i am
just a manifestation of your subconscious so actually you put it in your own head
where are you why haven't you called oh i'm out hooking up with three other guys or maybe
i'm a devoted girlfriend and i'm calling you right now yeah why do i doubt that
hello say ted how long do you think that conversation's gonna be length of an average
p no we're gonna be on the phone for at least 20 minutes robin's out there she's
gonna think you're in here taking a mask what do you want from me people break up it happens
not like this not from the bathroom of the girl that you're about to sleep with
look i i know this is a moral gray area but
it's robin and i'm exhausted i am i'm exhausted from pretending i'm not in love with her
i think that makes this okay oh please you just want to get laid yes i do you got me that is
exactly what i want right now it's happening and if you have a problem with it don't be in germany
it's been nice pretending to talk to you that's not your phone hey ted hey kiddo
i'm really really sorry thanks it's unnecessary thanks now we're just friends
it's not weird no no why would that be weird i mean if you hung out every day that would we
do still not be weird you don't know anybody that hangs out with their ex every day well barney does
really who's barney's ex-girlfriend robin you don't all three hang out together
all the time and we have weird tonight and i've got a sink full of dishes my assistant
did not clean it's my assistant just me but it was really good seeing you ted yeah you too
wait let me do the dishes what victoria do you believe in fate i believe you're
about to give a big speech on facebook well i do well this is great you know
what else is getting clean along with this cupcake tray my conscience you got anything
else you need to atone for my oven needs cleaning uh no nothing else not yet anyway
i'm getting married i'm sorry i should have told you that way earlier no no it's fine
you thought something was gonna happen like one percent maybe slap on a ring next time well
probably he hasn't asked me yet i found the ring in a box in a sock drawer wow guys got a whole
drawer just for socks must be nice you should probably go i don't know it sounds pretty intimate
i'm serious i feel like i misled you madam i came here to wash your dishes nothing more when you
were living in germany and we were doing the whole long distance thing wasn't there a klaus in your
class there was a class in my class and you and klaus were close not that close yes yes you in the
classroom class were quite close kind of close was that your class my class in your class my class is
your class the kind of close class from your class yes how long were you single before you and klaus
started dating oh how long um well we broke up in april so day and a half oh you have got to be
kidding me i'm sorry remember the night we met i remember you not letting me kiss you remember why
you had this ridiculous idea that the moment leading up to the kiss the drum roll it's as
good as the kiss itself isn't it certainly more innocent it's completely harmless completely
oh my god oh no no no no no no no i should not have done that no that was me
i let you come wash my dishes i said my oven needed cleaning i invited you into a porno
that it didn't work out between you and me but it's not germany and i'm willing to bet it's the
same reason none of your other relationships in the last six years have lasted either
it's robin she is so much bigger in your world than you realize and this thing that you're all
doing you and barney and robin that doesn't work oh just black coffee i like it that way too it
just tastes better to me i find that if the coffee beans are good enough you really don't need why
are you in a wedding dress i'm sort of supposed to get married today all your friends and family
are waiting for you in some church right now well not all we have five last-minute no-shows well six
all these years i never stop thinking about you ted i've got a car outside if you're ready to
drive off into the sunset together where should we go your place my place we could go on my honeymoon
just kidding although it is paid for i wonder if klaus found your note yet my note yeah you know
the i'm leaving you with the altar note is that a thing when you leave someone at the altar you
always leave a note it's common courtesy i think common courtesy went out the window when i did
no we got to do this right well you can't write it one look it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's
handwritten oh no we're good you won't believe what ted did last night you said you were happy to
help him out well now i'm changing my mind sorry to intro klaus came to me a few weeks ago since
we broke up he lost his job he got evicted he's miserable how about pretending to be a hero but
then caving the moment a ferret bite breaks the skin the skin of my eyelid that's how they kiss
i only wanted to help klaus because i feel guilty about how happy i am with you next hi you guys i'm
so sorry i'm so late i'm gonna run upstairs i'll be back in five minutes take your time sweetie
my dad made the funniest joke he said that since you're the reason i left the wedding
you owe him the 70 000 he paid for it or else you know he's not usually funny like that hey ted can
you pass me a cracker yeah it's least you can do considering i left a guy at the altar for you
right right i got this kind of interesting job offer to run a bakery in denver that's
too crazy though right right uh yeah the high altitude would affect the density of the pastries
talk about half baked man this is a great night you just come right out and tell me right totally
i i think it can be a little bit more direct than that hey i was cleaning my apartment today and i
dug this up should i keep this wedding dress or do you think i'll never ever need it again
when a girl jumps in your car in a wedding dress you can't act surprised to find out she wants to
get married besides we dated before and that time counts when my friend's retainer went missing the
mosby boys were put on the case and the retainer was in the garbage the mosby was were you your
sister in a neighborhood squirrel you thought you had tamed will you marry me yes of course
there's just one thing anything you name it you can't be friends with robin there's just
too much history there i mean robin's the reason that we broke up the first time around robin's
our roadblock robin's the deep dark pit where our relationship goes to die the nicest girl in
the world it's all to the earth well maybe today there isn't but what about tomorrow
or next week or 15 years from now i'll always be wondering i never wanted to be that girl who says
it's robin or it's me but well it's robin or it's you i'm not in love with robin but she's like
family to me and uh i can't end that so can you accept that i really hope you get her something
unbelievable and i assume this is all in the hopes that robin will ditch her own wedding and run off
with you what no i would never you would never run off with a girl on the day of her wedding
right okay that's a fair point i'm not done all right as soon as i'm done here at the bakery
i'll overnight it i'll be there in 24 hours thank you so this bakery what kind of uh do
you want me to send you some chocolate truffle streusel cooking yes please you're the best
the rich backstory that the movie didn't really go into barney why don't you just skip to the party
ah yes ultimately they reminded you of our teddies they reminded you of your teddies
thank you gina how do you know her name
you