SCP-1933 baileys santa | object class: safe
Item #: SCP-1933
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1933 is to be kept in a standard low-security cell
equipped with basic furnishings.
It is to be provided with 2 liters of Irish whiskey, 500 milliliters of double cream (no
less than 48% fat content), 25 grams of powdered sugar, and 20 milliliters of refined vegetable
oil, on a daily basis.
As SCP-1933 is unwilling to engage in basic hygiene, it is to be forcibly stripped and
showered by Level 3 personnel on a weekly basis, and its beard shaved and nails clipped
on a monthly basis.
Its soiled clothing is to be considered highly flammable, and is to be incinerated as a fire
hazard.
Description: SCP-1933 is an obese, middle-aged Caucasian male in a constant state of moderate
to severe alcohol intoxication.
SCP-1933's bodily fluids (including both intracellular and extracellular fluids) consist entirely
of a substance identical in composition to the alcoholic beverage known as Irish cream.
This substance adequately fulfills the functions of the fluids it replaces in SCP-1933's tissues,
despite the fact that it renders normal biochemical processes essential to life impossible.
Foundation scientists have been unable to determine how it manages this.
SCP-1933 subsists on a diet of cream, Irish whiskey, sugar, and refined vegetable oil
– the basic ingredients of most commercially produced varieties of Irish cream.
It prefers to supplement its diet with small amounts of various herbs and "flavourings"
(usually coffee), but these are not essential to its survival.
It is incapable of digesting anything that is not a standard ingredient of Irish cream,
including Irish cream which has been prepared beforehand.
SCP-1933 will display effects consistent with acute malnutrition if its blood alcohol content
significantly falls below or exceeds the range of 15-20% (the typical ABV of Irish cream).
SCP-1933's bodily fluids are safe for human consumption if intake is limited to 25ml or
less within 24 hours.
If a subject exceeds this limit, there is a significant risk that all their bodily fluids
will be transformed into Irish cream.
This substance does not fulfill the functions of the fluids it replaces (as it does in SCP-1933);
as such, it is instantly fatal.
The probability that a subject's bodily fluids will be transformed into Irish cream increases
by approximately 5% for each additional ml of SCP-1933's bodily fluids consumed.
It is not known if the bodily fluids of SCP-1933's victims would have the same anomalous effects
as SCP-1933's bodily fluids if they were to be consumed.
Prior to containment, SCP-1933 was chronically homeless, sleeping either on the street or
in derelict buildings, wearing a Santa Claus suit at all times, stealing money with which
to purchase the specific items of food and drink necessary for its survival, and collecting
its bodily fluids in bottles.
It would attempt to break into people's homes between 23:00 December 24 (Christmas Eve)
and 05:00 December 25 (Christmas Day), and place crudely-wrapped bottles of its bodily
fluids alongside other wrapped presents, with the intention that they would later be unwrapped
and subsequently consumed.
SCP-1933 claims that this activity was motivated by a benevolent desire to give people presents,
and refuses to acknowledge that its bodily fluids are fatal if consumed in large quantities.
It has not been determined whether it is genuinely unaware and unwilling to accept that this
is the case, or whether it is trying to conceal malicious intentions; however, the general
consensus among Foundation staff who have studied SCP-1933 is that the former is more
likely.