ANAIS: My life growing up, there was a lot of hard times. My parents, they
were together until I was about 7. And the house was just always fighting, always arguments, and
there wasn't any peace. I struggled a lot with depression and suicidal thoughts, but
I wrestled a lot with why am I here. Like, “why was I put on this Earth to suffer,” or “why is my
life like this?” So, just questioning, like, “is everything meaningless,” or “is there
actually a purpose to everything that we do?” I tried to find meaning in relationships and
friendships and shopping and spending money, and just these worthless idols that I thought, “OK,
if I had this much, I'll be OK,” or “If I bought this much,” “If I looked like this, you know,
maybe I'll be content.” So just seeking only peace and joy and fulfillment in these things that
couldn't do that. I was constantly disappointed. It just… it never sufficed and never fulfilled me.
This is my old school, and this is where I first heard about Jesus.
We only became friends in middle school, and she had been going to this church. That church really
emphasized Jesus being the only way to heaven, and you can't be saved through any other religion. But
there wasn't any emphasis on His love and forgiveness, and to give us rest.
I didn't understand. Is my relationship still there with God when I sin? Can I have
any assurance? Is it OK to doubt? Can you be a Christian and still struggle with depression?
So I was grappling with so many of those things,
and the church couldn't help me they could answer my questions. I always felt like God was angry at
me when I sinned. And so it was basically all like works-based and me keeping up my status with God.
I didn't really understand how to grow and what I needed to grow until I found Ligonier.
One day, a video of Sproul popped up on my YouTube and it was the first time I ever heard
reformed teaching. And I just fell in love with the way that he taught and how he was able to
explain things so simply and so easily. I trust Ligonier to give me sound answers
because they hold to the Gospel. They preach the Gospel with so much clarity
and just explained it well. They're really clear on what they believe and don't believe.
There are so many teenagers that are being saved online, but there are so many false teachers out
there. Going over these key doctrines, I realize this is not what my church taught. And so I asked
Ligonier, “What is a good church to go to?” Just being in a sound church has changed my
life. I'm able to serve now in so much ways in my church, and just having a biblical church where
you can trust that the word of God is going to be taught on Sundays, is going to be preached,
and just having a real community of Christians around you. So, I would just really encourage any
Christians that have been dependent on Ligonier, and don't have a church, to find a church.
My life is really different now that I've understood the Gospel, what does it mean. I have
assurance of salvation now. I had no assurance before I learned things like Calvinism. I can
trust that Jesus really did die for me, and I don't need to worry. And God's loving and He's my
Father, and that whatever I do, that my standing with Him is right because of what Jesus did.
Even though I thought God only cared about Himself and didn't really care about His creation, but
learning about the holiness of God, I learned that He was holy, that He's pure,
that He's perfect, and that His standard is good, His law is good.
And so that made me more in awe of him, and I think that takes off so much worry and doubt and
just self-destruction because you realize, “OK, everything is bigger than me. Like,
whatever you're going through right now, stress, depression, anxiety,
mental issues, family issues, it's bigger than your life right now.” It's for
God. And now I'm able to just rest on God's providence, on His sovereignty, and
knowing that He ordains whatsoever comes to pass and that everything is for my good.