- This episode is sponsored by Native.
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Hey there, folks.
Welcome back to Botched by Babish where this week...
not that it's a weekly show.
It comes out once every three weeks or so,
when I feel like making it.
Don't zoom in on me.
It's too early for that.
Brad, it's 3:15.
- [Brad] It's what we do.
- It's the middle of the day, okay?
(Brad sighing)
Back it out.
Thank you.
Hey there, folks.
Welcome back to the Botched by Babish.
With this very special New Year's episode.
First episode of '22.
I'm going back and taking a look
at a dish that I could not master.
This is meat-ghetti and spag-balls from "American Dad."
Instead I put it to you, the viewers.
Can you make a palatable version
of meat-ghetti and spag-balls?
And hundreds of you answered the call,
but only one could be crowned champion.
That champion, August Braatz, AKA fromscratch.77,
an Instagram user who made the food and I liked it.
So now we're going to bring his dish to life
by making it ourselves to see did it win?
- [Brad] Can I zoom in now?
- No.
(upbeat instrumental music)
So now the first thing we have to do.
- [Kendall] No, no.
(mixer whirring)
- We are starting with the beef.
We are starting with...
How do you want to do it?
- [Brad] I'm ready.
- We're starting with the beef.
What we have here is brisket.
This is what Mr. August Rush, August Braatz.
Kendall's favorite movie, "August Rush."
Wait, what is your favorite movie?
- It's definitely "Stardust."
- [Babish] "Stardust?
- No, but maybe. (laughing)
- So we have ourselves a big old honk of brisket here.
Brisket and flank steak,
I think are going to be ideal
for this application because you have very,
very distinct and strong meat fibers in here.
These guys are going to braise
and then they're going to break apart like string cheese,
like string beef.
Good lord, is this dry aged?
- [Kendall] No.
- Oh my God, it's got some funk on it.
- No.
No, you stay still.
I come to it.
- All right.
So first thing I'm going to do
is trim off all this damn fat.
Nobody wants fatty meat-ghetti.
Least of all, my fiancee, who grew up in Illinois,
which is the home of lean meat-ghetti.
- I have very high standards for this,
so you'd better get ready.
- Oh, that is some fat.
This looks like human fat,
not that I would know what that looks like.
- [Brad] Andrew?
- Uh-huh?
- [Brad] Do you have something to tell us?
- Oh no, I'm good thank you.
(Babish clicking)
Smells the way I imagine Brad
would smell if I had opened him up
and trimming the gristle off from
his well-developed shoulder meat.
- [Brad] You think my shoulders are well-developed?
- Yeah, bud.
- [Brad] Thank you.
- You got the best-developed shoulders
of anybody that I know.
Sorry Sawyer, sorry Jess, sorry Kendall.
I'd still gleefully eat any one of you.
- [Jess] Thank you.
- You're welcome.
(upbeat instrumental music)
We have our brisket here.
I'm going to dry brine it, per Mr. Braatz's instruction.
Is that really his last name
or are we just calling him that?
- [Kendall] Should I ask him?
- We're gonna dry brine the beef.
This is generally a great idea virtually always.
I can't think of many applications
where this would be a bad idea.
Ew, boy.
This sweater really shows when anything is on it at all,
so it's not ideal for cooking.
Don't.
What, why?
Come on, are you zooming in on my titties?
Don't do it.
- [Brad] No, just one.
Just one.
(Kendall laughing)
- Just one?
- [Brad] Just one for today.
- Okay.
You can have one.
(Babish screaming)
(upbeat instrumental music)
So my man specifies a very specific amount of mirepoix,
which I appreciate.
All right, that is 125 grams each of carrot and celery
and 100 grams of onions.
(Babish blowing raspberries)
Let's head over to the stove top.
All right, everybody take five.
Stop rolling, for god's sake.
This is off-camera, this is off the cuff.
I don't have a script for this part.
I have a script for every part of the show.
- [Brad] You forgot to script this part?
- Well, I didn't memorize my lines yet.
- [Brad] I thought you cared about this.
- Okay, so I have to improvise?
- [Brad] You can do this.
All right, here.
I'll zoom in again and you just hit me with your best shot.
- Okay.
Who's ready for some action?
- [Brad] You did it.
(Babish imitating vomiting)
(upbeat instrumental music)
(clapperboard clapping)
All right, do you remember your lines?
- Let's have us a good time.
- [Brad] Nailed it.
(Babish clapping)
- My man sautes his mirepoix in duck fat and oil.
So I have a nice gob of duck fat here
and a little bit of oil.
A little bit of olive oil.
He sautes the mirepoix in this until it's very, very soft.
Until it's nice and caramelized,
and then he adds some herbs, some garlic,
some tomato paste, some stock, et cetera.
What?
- [Kendall] Sausage.
- Sausage.
Which he crisps up in a separate pan.
For the life of me, I can't figure out why,
especially because you could use
the sausage fat and leave the duck.
I'm not gonna question the man's method.
He won the contest.
I didn't win any contest.
He won the contest.
All right, mirepoix is going in.
- [Brad] It's called mirepoix?
- [Babish] Mirepoix.
- [Brad] I thought it was meerpwax in the script.
- We're sauteing up our veg
and we're gonna brown our sausage.
We got two Italian sausages here.
They don't look particularly Italian.
Where I'm going to brown it up
and convert it into bite-size pieces.
Now, we're going to remove the sausage from its sausage pan.
Make sure I get out all the bits,
because now I'm gonna crank the heat
and I'm gonna sear that brisket.
- [Kendall] Oh, we're skipping so many steps.
- [Babish] What are you talking about?
- [Brad] Kendall, hang on a second.
Your script looks different than mine.
- [Kendall] Don't look at it.
- I sent her a new copy last night.
- [Brad] You didn't want to check with me?
Did I do something wrong?
- Did you do anything right?
- [Kendall] Whoa.
(Brad sighing)
(pan crashing)
(upbeat instrumental music)
- All right, I'm gonna sear these guys.
Get all fondant there.
Thank you.
My vegetables are well-sauteed.
And I'm going to add a few things.
This is a lot of chili flakes.
- He said a heaping tablespoon of crushed...
- I'm not gonna put a tablespoon
of red pepper flake in this.
It'll be too spicy to eat.
- [Kendall] Okay.
- All right, fine.
You know what, I'm gonna do it.
Okay, yeah.
There's the rest of the red pepper flake.
Jesus, okay.
Add the sausage back in.
Tomatoes, chicken stock, and herbs.
And now, a bouquet garni,
prepared in the traditional fashion.
What's up with this basil?
You put basil in bouquet garni?
Okay, all right.
Jesus.
Whoa, Kendall's combative today. (sighing)
- [Brad] Mortal Kend... bat, Kendbat?
Doesn't work.
- Nope.
We should just stick to what we do best.
- [Brad] The script.
- The script. (laughing)
I touched my eye after touching all those.
Wow.
- [Jess] Why did you do that?
- For entertainment value.
Are you not entertained?
- [Brad] That's the script of "Gladiator."
- I always mess up.
I always mix up our script. - [Brad] You always do this.
- And Ridley Scott films, always.
We got this guy up to a simmer.
So now I'm going to drop in our brisket. (sighing)
Make sure it's mostly covered up by the liquid,
'cause I want a good braise.
Then over here.
We don't wanna miss any of the good stuff in this pan,
so drop in some water.
Scrape up the goods.
There we go.
Whoa!
(Babish screaming)
This guy's a bubblin', so now I'm going to kill the heat.
I'm going to carefully drop down
our sort of parchment paper lid.
And this guy is headed into a 275 degree oven
for about three hours
or until the beef resembles spaghetti.
We'll be right back.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- What's up?
I cut my finger. (laughing)
- [Brad] It's going well.
- And we're moving on to the next part
of the meat-ghetti and spag...
Yeah, you were offering that to me, right Brad?
- [Brad] Yes, I was.
- Thank you.
Folks, the next part of this meat-ghetti
and spag-balls adventure is the spag-balls.
These particular spag-balls (inhaling)
are really a kind of orzo arancini
that are then wrapped in spaghetti,
deep fried and served atop our shredded and twirled meat.
What is so interesting to August's approach
is that he makes the orzo like risotto.
So that's a very interesting technique.
We're gonna see how it goes.
Because orzo, while it looks like rice,
is actually just pasta.
Kinda like how couscous is really just pasta.
Most people thing couscous is healthy.
It's actually one of the lesser healthy things
that you can eat because it's so small,
you're getting more pasta per bite than anything.
- [Brad] But it's called couscous.
- But it's called couscous, so it makes it healthier.
- I'm gonna cut the cheese.
(everyone yelling)
- [Brad] Kendall's gonna cut the cheese!
- [Alvin] Hey, hey, hey.
- Nice.
- [Kendall] Boys, stop.
(everyone laughing)
- All right, so just like with risotto,
I'm going to slowly add stock and stir constantly
to try to make a kind of orzo risotto.
Orzotto.
- [Kendall] How do you know when it will be done?
- When it's done.
How do you know when anything's done?
You ask Kendall.
Set timers for al dente.
- [Kendall] Okay.
(upbeat instrumental music)
Okay, so I think this guy's done braising,
so why don't we take him out of the oven?
Oh my goodness,
it looks like some parchment paper on top of some liquid.
But what lies beneath?
Oo, that looks like a competent bolognese.
It's got a nice, thick layer of fat on top,
which I'm gonna skim off.
'Cause nobody wants a fatty bolognese.
- [Alvin] I'll take it.
(instrumental piano music)
- Pathetic.
This is the important part right here.
We have our brisket that's been braised.
We have to turn this into meat-ghetti.
We can only do this by virtue of one method.
- [Kendall] You're gonna thumb it.
- [Babish] I have to thumb it.
- [Kendall] But it's too hot now.
- [Babish] No, it's not.
- [Kendall] It is.
- No it's not.
It's fine. (yelling)
It's too hot.
Thumb meat.
Oo, look at the...
Ow!
- [Kendall] No, that one's gonna be...
- Oo, look at the meat.
Ow!
- [Kendall] No!
- Look at the meat.
(Babish yelling)
Ow, look at the meat.
Ow! (yelling)
(Babish panting)
- [Brad] Hang on, I can't see it.
Can, um...
(Babish screaming)
- Oh, but look what happens.
Look at what happens.
Look what happens to non-believers.
Ow!
- [Kendall] Is it good?
Is it spicy?
- No.
Okay, there.
There's your (bleep) meat-ghetti.
Congratulations, I hope you're happy.
(pan crashing)
(upbeat instrumental music)
All right, so next step.
We're going to wrap some of this cheese in orzo.
Why?
I'm not entirely sure.
(gloves squelching)
- [Kendall] I told you you need your bad gloves.
(Babish sighing)
- Thanks for the heads up.
(Babish blowing)
- I bought them.
(Kendall laughing)
- All right, I'm free-ballin' this.
(Kendall laughing)
- [Brad] Do this the old way.
- [Babish] Do this like our forefathers did it. (laughing)
- [Kendall] Oh, it's not sticky enough.
- [Babish] You're not sticky enough.
This is dumb.
(everyone laughing)
- [Kendall] Now?
Now it's dumb?
- [Babish] Just now it became dumb.
- [Alvin] What if you did the saran wrap trick?
- [Babish] What saran wrap trick?
- No, no, you put them like that
and you put in saran wrap and then you just twist it.
- Oh, like a beef wellington?
- [Alvin] No, it just squeezes the ball, you know?
- Okay, we're gonna try Alvin's spooky saran wrap trick.
(saran wrap crinkling)
- [Alvin] I don't think that's how you do it.
- Shh, okay thanks, Alvin.
(everyone laughing)
Thanks for the input.
I don't think that's how you roll an orzo ball
for the first time in recorded history. (laughing)
I have two orzo balls wrapped up in plastic wrap.
This is what you wanted, right?
- 100%.
- And I'm gonna put these in the fridge.
The other two I'm gonna wrap in pasta
to see if I can deep fry and (bleep) myself and die.
(Brad snorting)
(upbeat instrumental music)
All right, so now I'm just kinda pressing this
together into a stupid, dumb ball.
Okay, now this has to go straight into a deep fat fry.
- [Kendall] Which we didn't preheat.
- Folks, the oil's preheated,
so now we're gonna try to fry us a spag-ball.
Come with me, won't you?
350, that seems about right.
Let's very carefully drop it in
and kind of guide it into...
Oh, okay.
I don't care for that.
Let's get this out of here.
There we go.
Very carefully now.
(oil sizzling)
Ooh, spag-ball.
Nope, don't like that.
Don't care for that.
Okay.
- [Kendall] Ah, ah, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!
- It's fine.
Everything's fine. (laughing)
I kinda want to add a binder to this, man.
'Cause I don't know how he did it,
but this just completely fell apart.
(Jess gasping)
- [Jess] What if you put it in one of the tea diffusers
and dropped it in that?
- [Brad] Genius.
- That's a really good idea.
That's really good, Jess.
- Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
- Oh, look at that nonsense.
Look at that hot nonsense.
Okay, I'm gonna turn down the heat real low
and what we're gonna do is compose
one of these balls inside a tea ball.
Here's our first spag-ball.
It is without a chain, so I'm gonna drop it in here.
And I think we're ready to go.
Let's drop it in and see what happens.
- [Kendall] The chain must be inside, 'cause it has a chain.
- It's frying, it is.
It's frying right in there.
If we can get just one, I'm very, very happy.
- [Brad] You've ever had meat-ghetti
with one spag-ball though?
- Brad, shut the actual (bleep) up.
(upbeat instrumental music)
Let's take a look.
I mean, it looks crispy inside of there.
I'm gonna take it out.
So in the mean time, what I have to do
is heat up a little bit of sauce and a little bit of meats.
Plop.
A plop.
Oo, I got a crispy spag-ball in my hand.
And if you wanted to know where the chain went,
it's into the middle of the spag-ball.
(everyone laughing)
Oh!
- [Kendall] Oh god.
- [Babish] Gruesome.
- [Kendall] What a great idea.
- There it is though.
We got ourselves a spag-ball.
Nicely done, Jess.
Thank you.
- [Kendall] It's a beautiful spag-ball.
- I'm really happy to help out.
- [Brad] You solved for spag-ball.
- Genius, genius. - Thanks, guys.
Thanks.
- Let's twirl up some meat pasta, shall we?
Look at that.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Right there.
There is our meat-ghetti.
Ooh, it's still hot, wow.
There is our spag-ball.
And then we're topping this up with micro basil. (laughing)
- [Brad] I mean, you really have managed
to take an abomination and make it look like something...
- [Babish] I didn't do anything, man.
This is somebody else's recipe.
What are you talking about?
- [Brad] Well, you know?
But you've executed it with the skill of a jazz musician.
- Well August, this sure was interesting.
Thank you so much for making
the best of a terrible situation.
That situation being meat-ghetti and spag-balls.
Which I'm very proud to say topped
the thanks, I hate it subreddit. (laughing)
So you took that and turned it into a functional recipe
and that in of itself is an accomplishment.
Let's see what it tastes like, shall we?
- [Kendall] I think you eat it like a popcorn ball.
Don't burn...
No, it's releasing steam.
- It's fine, guys.
(Babish snorting)
(spag-ball crunching)
(Babish screaming)
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(Babish continuously grunting)
Alvin, I (bleep) told you, buckle up.
- At this point, nothing can faze me.
- The poor man expected to
come here under social circumstances.
He wasn't expecting to be put on camera.
- [Alvin] This is social circumstances.
(spoon crashing)
- He's right, put him on camera.
- Welcome back to anime with Alvin. (laughing)
- [Babish] I'm your host, Mr. Poop.
(everyone laughing)
- [Alvin] What?
- Oh, it doesn't take much with her.
It doesn't take much.
Oh!
(dramatic piano music)