Hey there, this is Clay with RelationshipInnerGame.com, and in this video we're going to be talking
about a couple of common, no contact mistakes that people make when it comes to getting
your ex back.
So first of all, I just want to be clear that there's not one common unified, No Contact
Rule.
I know that maybe you've heard about the No Contact Rule and maybe you've read about it
online, in a forum, on another Youtube channel or whatever, but there are really multiple
different types of No Contact and you definitely want to know which one you're doing because
just how, like there are multiple different types of diets out, there are different types
of ways that you could exercise out there.
There's many different types of No Contact.
I myself am an advocate of what I have invented and call Active No Contact, which of course
I would recommend to you, but, there's many different types of No Contact out there.
We're going to be talking about Active No contact in this video.
So the first mistake about No Contact or Active No Contact is that it is all about your ex.
Okay?
So a lot of people go into No Contact or Active No Contact thinking.
It's all about their ex.
It's all about, you know, hey, my ex is mad at me, I need to do No Contact.
Hey, my ex is upset with me, I need to do No Contact.
Hey, ex won't respond to me.
I need to do No Contact.
And it's not just about your ex, it's really about you as well too, because No Contact
isn't just about your ex, it's not just about like controlling them, managing them, trying
to motivate them or anything like that.
It's really about you as well and giving you the space to bring yourself to interacting
with your ex in a new way.
That's why when you're going through Active No Contact, we recommend that you take the
time to acquire and cultivate and practice what we call Advanced Relational Skills.
Okay?
And these are ways that you can interact with your ex or really any other person to have
a great positive interaction.
We recommend that during Active No Contact, you practice the Advanced Relational Skills
on people that aren't your ex because these are gonna be lower stakes situation so that
you can practice these skills and get really good at them.
You know, if you're practicing some of these skills with your ex, they might be kind of
new to you.
You might fumble around, you might make some mistakes or something, but um, if you get
some time to practice them with other people in lower stakes situations with coworkers,
friends, family members and stuff like that, and be able to have good emotional connections
with those people, then that's going to go a pretty long way when it comes to connecting
with your ex.
Okay.
You're going to be really good at it by the time you come out of Active No Contact and
are able to connect with your ex.
Now, the second mistake about Active No Contact is that is just about cutting contact, but
like we've just said, Active No contact is not about just cutting contact.
It's about a really working on those Advanced Relational Skills.
It Is about improving the way that you bring yourself to interacting with your ex or with
other people.
You may have read somewhere else on the Internet that No Contact is just about cutting contact
and keeping yourself busy and distracting yourself, but that's a terrible way of doing
No Contact.
Essentially, you're just letting 30 days or however long pass and getting nothing out
of it, right?
It's like if you sign up for running a marathon in a month and you do absolutely no training,
you're going to have a hard time at that marathon.
It's not about signing up for the marathon and waiting for 30 days to happen until it's
time for the marathon.
So Active No Contact is not about just cutting contact.
Another mistake is that Active No Contact is about feeling better and healing from your
breakup.
Don't get me wrong.
It's important to heal from your breakup.
It's important to feel better, but that's not really the point, the sole purpose of
Active No Contact.
Now.
It's great if you can feel better.
It's great.
If you can heal from your breakup, but that's not the whole purpose, that's not the main
purpose.
Okay?
I'm taking it as a, given that number one, you're not going to contact your ex, but number
two, you're also going to heal and feel better from the breakup.
But on top of that, I want to challenge you to actually learn the Advanced Relational
Skills.
Okay?
That's important too.
Another common mistake is thinking that No Contact is about making your ex jealous, making
them miss you, making them do some sort of reverse psychology thing where it's like,
"Hey, you won't talk to me.
Well ha ha, I'm not going to talk to you."
And then they're going to be like, "What's going on?
What's, what's happened?
Why don't you try and reach out to me anymore?
I'm going to pick up the phone and call you."
That's not what the purpose of No Contact is -- Active No Contact.
I mean, maybe there's some like weird reverse psychology No Contact on the Internet somewhere
that maybe you've read about, but that's not what I'm talking about.
It's about learning the Advanced Relational Skills.
So that you can have a better connection with your ex.
Okay?
You're totally flushing those 30 days, four weeks, whatever down the toilet if you think
it's just about making your ex jealous.
If you think it's just about not contacting your ex, if you think it's just about healing
yourself and feeling better, it's about cultivating the Advanced Relational Skills so that you
can have a better, bigger improve impact on your ex when the two of you are communicating
and interacting with one another.
And the other final little distinction here is, when you're doing Active No Contact, don't
be stocking your ex online.
That's not going to help you.
Good things never come from stalking your ex online, you know, keeping tabs on their
facebook profile, what they're up to, seeing who's in the photos that they're posting online.
And Oh my God, is that an arm next to my ex?
Is that arm somebody of the opposite sex?
Maybe they're dating someone new.
Don't, don't, don't, don't focus on that.
Just again, do Active No Contact.
If you're going to do it, just just cut the contact.
Don't be stocking them online or anything like that.
Okay.
Just follow it by the book.
Um, so I hope this helped you out.
I hope this has given you a few clarifications on what ANC is and maybe how it differs from
some other forms of No Contact out there.
If you'd like to learn more about how ANC can help you get back together with your ex,
please head on over to RelationshipInnerGame.com.
Tell us a little bit about your breakup in our quick, painless, 30 second survey where
you just kind of, you know, tell us a little bit about what you're going through and we'll
give you some customized, tailored advice to help you get where you want to go with
your relationship and your ex.
If you like what we're doing here on this channel and in this video, please go ahead
and give this video a thumbs up and subscribe to this Youtube channel so that you can get
notified when we post an upload new videos to Youtube.
And if you want to share your No Contact experiences down below in the comments section, please
go ahead and share a comment down below.
This has been Clay and I'll talk to you in the next video.
Take care.