Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck and I talk all over the world to different
audiences --legislators, religious leaders, children groups, family groups,
conferences. I've been in plays since I was a little
girl. And guess what even though I do that
much talking, sometimes every once in a while, I still
get a little bit nervous. So today, what we're
going to talk about is how to calm down if you are nervous.
So, I'm known all over the world as the Self-Government Lady. Well, what is
self-government? Self-government is being able to
determine the cause and effect of any given situation
and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them.
Learning how to control your nerves is actually learning a self-government
process. So, I'm going to tell you a little bit
about me and about some of the nerves I've had before
and then i want to share with you 3 tips that you can use to conquer
nervousness. First, I was raised on a stage.
This has been a really beautiful thing because my father who was a play
director, he kept putting me in play after play.
Now, at first, I was so nervous as a little girl. But as time went by, it
became a little bit more second nature to me even
really, really fun. I'm glad he gave me that opportunity because he taught me to
have a voice. He taught me to never be afraid to say
what needed to be said or to help someone by saying something.
In fact, that's what i'm trying to do right now, right? Well, as time went by,
I switched from being in plays to sometimes
being in movies and then stages internationally with lawmakers and
thought leaders and religious leaders around the world.
Every time a new situation comes along, whether it's a new play
that i'm going to be part of or whether it is
speaking at the united nations which I have now done many times.
Whenever it's the first time, maybe even the second time,
I get a little bit of nervousness. My nervousness feels
like butterflies in my stomach. Maybe even a little bit like
queasiness. But there's this bit of agitation that comes.
And there are certain things that I do to make sure
that I do not give in to those nerves and give up on what I had set my mind to
do. Tip number 1, whatever you're doing,
whether you're going to be in a play, you're going to be
in a podcast on the radio, you're going to
speak in front of an audience, whatever it is or play a musical instrument,
or sing a song or dance... My goodness, the list could go on and on.
No matter what it is that you're going to do, you need to remember
this vital truth which is it's not about what you do.
It's about who you are. This is vital. People are not asking
you to speak or to sing or whatever it is that you're
doing solely because of what you do. More of
the reason they ask you to do something and they invite
you to have an opportunity is actually because of who you are,
the full package, your very identity, the feeling that you carry with you.
That's why they want to learn from you, that's why they want to be inspired by
you and be entertained by you. It's because who you are. So, If I'm in a
play and i'm going to be going on stage as
townsperson number 4, okay? Then I need to know
who is townsperson number 4. If you've ever been in a theatrical
production, then you know that the majority of
people who produce plays or direct plays will gather their cast together and they
will have them think in their mind about their
character --what their character looks like, sounds
like, some of the lines the character has, what
that character thinks about certain things
and about other characters. They will help you get
to a place where you truly see yourself for that short period of
time as that character. It's a thought process
that you go through that changes your identity for a short
amount of time. This is kind of why I didn't ever want
to be playing the bad guy. I just didn't like getting into the bad
guy's head. Anyway, so it's about who you are. If I go
on the stage as that character and I forget all my
lines, it doesn't matter if I know who I really
am. I could just start ad-libbing things and interacting with the other
characters and probably it would still go in the right direction
because i was fully connected to who I was supposed to be in the play.
Well, in real life, it's no different. When you're going somewhere to teach
people, to give service, to do something out of your comfort zone,
which could possibly make you nervous, it's not
really about what you're going to say to that person. It's the fact that you're
there and you know who they are and you value
that and they value you. And you have a connection during that
time. That's why we go to the little child
dance recitals because even though they don't dance
perfectly, we just really value how cute they are
and that they're trying and practicing. And it's wonderful.
Even if the dance steps weren't exactly perfect.
We do have to practice stepping out of our comfort zone
and focusing on who we are being enough in order to truly conquer those
butterflies and that nervousness that we might experience.
Number 2 is focus on the truth. Those nervous feelings inside
are actually lies and I tell myself that. I say, "That is a lie."
Those feelings might try to get me to stop.
No, no, no, no. That feeling tells me I'm doing something good, I'm doing
something right and I am not going to think of it as a
sign that i might fail. But instead as a source of energy, that's
going to propel me forward. Did you know that those
butterflies and that feeling of nervous is actually
an energy that you can use? I've used it
many times. I just have to tell myself, "Nope, we're
not using that for fear. That's a lie." And then instruct myself,
"Here is your ball of energy. Take it out on the stage and use it." So, I
said that i give myself a NO-answer. Well there are skills of self-government
that i teach all over the world. Skills that help parents and children
govern themselves. Remember, I said conquering your nerves
is actually just an act of self-government.
Well, there are 2 skills I need to take that ball of energy and
put it in the right place. Number 1 skill is accepting and no
answer. There's 4 steps to accepting a no answer. You
look at the person or the situation or the the ball of
nerves as it were then you keep a calm face
voice and body. You say "Okay, this is happening." Or you
disagree appropriately with it. Which is what I do. I say, "I'm feeling
this right now but this is not the truth. The real truth
is this." And then you drop the subject which
means you don't think about the lie anymore. Then the next skill is
instruction. I give myself an instruction for what to
do with that feeling that i have in the pit of my stomach. And
usually if i really capitalize on that, it oftentimes is the best performance or
presentation or interaction. Because sometimes I just
get nervous when i'm going to meet with one lawmaker about one important issue.
But it becomes a really close good interaction
because i used that energy to bond with whoever my audience was
even if it was only one person. Number 3
is faith, not doubt. If you start doubting your own abilities, you'll never
be able to do it. You'll never truly perform as good
as you can. Doubt is a danger. Doubt is a demon. Doubt
is not something that you should cater to. In fact, if you've been given the
opportunity to do something, then just trust in the truth,
have faith in the truth that you are enough for this. Even if
you know you still have flaws. So, you've got to have faith.
This whole process of conquering our nerves is
a process of maturing. It's a process of learning to self-control. There are so
many things that we need to learn to control
ourselves. You heard me mention a few skills like
accepting no answers, disagreeing appropriately,
following instructions. There are multiple skills of self-government.
4 that all parents and children need to know to control themselves
and then 5 that they need to know to help other people
be in control. If you like this video, I know you're going to love my next video
which is How To Help Your Child Mature Emotionally?